“See you are angry”

It doesn’t matter how long a fuse you develop, you could coil it at your feet in case dancing on eggshells doesn’t work. (And it won’t) Have your boundaries shat on enough? Your wounds dug into and ripped open, your individuality and strength disrespected, your soul tormented by a thousand barbs? Eventually you will snap and become angry. It’s human nature. No matter how you seek to embody compassion, the abuser wants their fight, wants their scoreboards, and wants you to shoulder the blame.

Power and Control

“If I can control your temper and your apology then I control you, right?”

We don’t have full numbers when it comes to this kind of abuse. As from secret whispers the victim is usually a man. From what I can see veterans, the wounded but well mannered, the martial artists too honorable to “fight back”

Anyone who has a self motto even if it’s not conscious.

Own your shit.

Except it’s not your shit. Barbs, baiting, and boundary crossing go unnoticed as you dole out a fuse so long you coil it at your feet.

Because it will all be burned up. They want their fight. They want their drama. They want to feign innocence. They won’t leave you alone to cool off. The explosion matters no matter how much you emotionally dodge and weave.

It’s sometimes the theatrical elements to the fights they enflame. The joy of power in hassling someone in the reaction they want. But contrition is key. Victims usually blame themselves and apologize- confused that no matter how much therapy they attend, what meds they’re on, they believe they just can’t control their temper. (No, because the abuser does)

Then after Drama and tears they lap up the attention from profuse apologies.

“Oh it’s okay I love you anyway” (yeah you love fighting me) “I think you just need more mental health care.” Because god are they addicted to taking out their temper, their irritations but somehow remain innocent. And oh so generous.

Boundaries

We really do know what those are. We might be raised with the terms respect and being circumspect. We may have parents who suck at them. But shit all over a persons emotional private space and we all figure it out.

Frequent statements

“Come back to reality”

“You’re not that special”

“You’re not that original”

“You’re not that pretty/talented/ intelligent”

“You’re not that unique”

“What talent?”

“That was stupid of you”

“This is classic textbook that I’ve never touched.”

“I asked you a question.”

“Step in line”

“Watch yourself”

“(Fill in the blank) is so stupid!” Giggle “(highly inaccurate conjecture)”

“You just don’t ‘get it’”. – (do I want to?)

“I heard about….” And am now going to take it out of context

Personal

“I heard you were a good writer but I can’t read your private notes for all the grammatical errors”

My favorite when quoting

“You know you didn’t come up with these, right?“ – (yep thanks for making my day.)

Tactical Musings

I can’t decide if playing stupid about me privately having fun with quotes and cliches is supposed to rain on my parade or is a reflexive defense mechanism against the truth.

Using that shitty AI based on good work

Following what I type, announcing their expectation (sometimes with the help of predictive text) then are surprised to be right?

“I’m stupid, please explain to the negative.”

“No really I’ll get it this time”

“After everything I denied knowing about, you’re supposed to be a vegetable.”

False comparisons and other logical fallacies

“I heard this worked once or twice so I’m going to pulverize its relevance, okay?”

“If I know you were raped (a long time ago) and tortured (significantly more recently) but if I say you weren’t you’ll get mad, right?”

“I see your period panties but I can attempt to insult trans women and you at the same time.” )Some fires in the soul are not mine) “You’re not really a woman” – (that really annoys me but is usually only used when I’m bleeding out womb lining.)

If I make you, yet again, explain the basic and obvious you’ll give up on the complex, right?

Other Tactics

Used by “bitches and cunts” all over.

“I know I don’t do what you’ve done professionally or even a very long time (or at all), but here’s some snide, irrelevant or ignorant advice”

“Hey I’ll sound clever if I say this right? That way I can insult your ability to avoid irritation.”

Invading fucking privacy.

Not giving space and expecting a chase

“This has always hurt you, so I should do it some more, right?”

Gaslighting “I think you need more mental health care.”

Junior high level insults such as “you’re too fat to be Nepenthe”

“I know I’ve never met you but these other women are being assholes to you so I am, okay?”

“Do you look pretty enough on the outside to feel good about the inside yet?”

Cognitive Abuse

This all cumulates in an inability to really seek help. Victim blaming – even from the victim. And the suffocating feeling of being unable to process the situation.

And for me? Driven to highly controlled rage every night? Until it was dangerous to me? Well after really. The PTSD was horrific.

Then Women decided I was the enemy and ganged up in a bullying mob who wants to silence me so their weak power tactic no longer have strong results.

I wrote a book on the subject because the concise version is already at the head of this article