Sylvanna Devlin

In general there are a few things we all want to know. How do we live? How do we ascend? How do I leave behind a world worth living in? Well there’s a one step process to being a contributing part of society.

Get some fucking sleep.

Then? Make sure everyone else does. To do that fucking learn to fucking cooperate or add to the conversation if you won’t.

Predictable right? I had only been ranting since I woke that morning why sleep is everything to all of us. That’s the message. If you accept and understand why that’s the fundamental answer to everything we have problems with? You can skip the rest but may find it interesting

But some of you won’t fucking listen. Which I do understand because everyone tells me something different then complains I didn’t listen.

Weee a shell game again! I can practically hear people screaming “Yes. That is the problem. No one listens to me either and my name isn’t ‘Sylvanna’! I’m Not even in whatever game ‘They’ are playing!”

Let’s go with something easy, no not demons, ghosts, malevolent spirits, the fae, or any other supernatural scapegoat you can come up with. There’s a They. Not the pronoun but what do you want? Consortium?

Their motives could be along the lines of the rapture science style, anxiety etc. I don’t know. I almost don’t care. And an Us. As in the rest of us who think the world can be and is worth saving though we do have days we question the latter.

Yes there are people who simply don’t want life to get better. And instead want it over. I do sympathize, oh how I do. It’s hard work. And I was absolutely 100% against all the effort it took to improve. To being in a world with so much suffering and pain. And I wanted out again when I did recover. I’d be a hypocrite if I said it didn’t seem pleasant. And what’s the alternative? Hell? I don’t believe it’s anything but a pit of demons and a place in Nevada.

Reincarnation? Yes?

Forget that it’s almost worse. I got lucky with my experiences. I tried again and it would be joining the queue to end up as a bunny or something.

So what do “They want”? To take everyone with them. Why? Not sure. Who else is there? Rich bastards frankly. And Politicians. Mostly anyway. Lawmakers, the people who fund them and any power below the throne.

What about them? You are not going to convince anyone to change anything unless you persuade them to let everyone fucking sleep on it. Get some good nigh-nigh. The cultural and foundational changes we would have to go through to get enough sleep would be huge. And a good crack into truly creating new structures that benefit all of us.

Damn it’s the one thing we agree on. No one is sleeping enough. Not who isn’t so depressed they have other issues, or are manic and don’t need sleep. But in general we could do with agreeing on something to change. And being too tired is an across aisles issue.

Then what? We work at what we can. Do we have to agree 100%? No. But we need to look at why we don’t and work on those.

Voters with little income vote against progression? Wtf? Well do something about their situation and then see. Scapegoating stops when there is nothing to scapegoat for. Because in our society we rightfully don’t want to see bright lights extinguished by those floating in the dark. And be fair left of left and be patient.

Easier said I know. But there’s only so much we can change on our end before solidifying the ground beneath the other.

Do we want to? Some of us no. But the rest of us see the practicality in raising up to stop “the gays” from being blamed rather than just pointing out how wrong that is. Good luck with that all the while they go hungry and pundits gave a (Godwins law incoming) surprisingly Nazi-esque solution which is to blame anyone other than those in power.

We want people to stop bitching about “The gays” we put food in their belly. No seriously that’s how scapegoating works.

Oh god how we hate each other right now. Like we will never get along again.

People held their nose or their wallet and voted for [fill in the blank] the rest of us hate. The blame good lord the blame. And those convinced equity does not mean we all have enough but that to have it we have to take from them to give to others. Do people want less when they have very little? No. So let’s fix that then fix opinion of who to really point the finger at – looking at you pundits on either side.

Yes today on both sides are just as bad… it’s not true. One side is for sure worse than the other, when it comes to leaders and atrocities done. But that’s for as stated reasons in voters and control and manipulation in politicians and rich people. Seriously stomachs first brains second. Is it right? Who cares. It works.

Is one side (Left most likely) going to help the hungry? Yes. But Jesus Christ build a fucking platform on that for once in your impractical lives. Left will likely vote left. You want moderates or those borderline you tell them what’s in it for them.

This should be so fucking basic. But we focus on why we should be voted for vs why we should vote for them. Do you see the difference? It’s slight, but present. Forget you, this isn’t about you. It’s about them.

It’s about us.

All of us. Lefts complain about politicians who are too moderate – basically calling them right wing. And protest vote or don’t vote because who they have isn’t left enough. Come on how do you expect progress to happen?

But they’re assholes!

Sure but they think the same of you.

All they think of are themselves!

Here’s a trick I learnt from a miserable existence. It’s hard not to be selfish when your world is that upside down. Not impossible to avoid. Some have to be pushed quite far before focusing on their own needs. But eventually pain will put you there. Maybe it’s not them. Maybe it’s their circumstances.

Okay, but there are racist fucks and learnt from their parents to be racist fucks.

A problem. I agree. Remove the reason for scapegoating and you have voters not progressives and that kind of equity shouldn’t even be a disagreement. But I have searched and searched from where that form of hate comes from and all I can find is a way to blame someone, either the one who wronged great grandpappy or somehow grandad ended up needing someone to blame and skin tone seems to be enough.

Addressing foundational issues gets some. Even the great grandfather version is usually involved in perceived inequity or scapegoating. Or othering in an animal territorial nature. But those routed in the deep evils who have enough sleep and have been doing the wrongdoing for centuries? Sorry. I’ve tried understanding that level – even from the perspective behind scapegoating, othering and pure animal warfare – and just can’t understand why evil exists.

I’ve tried. I can’t. And don’t want to. Those are hopefully a manipulative minority and the rest we can drag to the left a little.

Have I ever tasted evil? Yes. The urge to just snap someone’s neck was brief and lasted three seconds before angel mode kicked in. But it was enough to scar me in the depths of my humanity. I was pushed and pushed and pushed into feeling backed against a wall. But evil says fight back not back down. And while that can be good it’s not to that level. But by god he was never going to win a battle against me. Which in this case was listening to him rant without feeling it again. But three seconds is enough to remember something about evil.

People feel pushed. But it goes beyond hate, beyond fury, beyond a rightful sense of justice.

So what is Evil?

It’s a vengeful streak that runs too deep and without a fair reason and no recovering from. It’s an otherworldly influence in either belief or actuality. And it’s in people like Hitler who thought he was in the right while directing atrocities he didn’t personally witness. Oh how easy it is to command evil from an office.

How do I explain a near demonic personality? Why does evil exist? The inescapable part of being mankind no matter how much you seek to embody compassion?

Would I feel the urge to end a life again? Probably. Even knowing what I do now I’d want to just get him to stop at almost any means. My compassion was a deep path and I felt he ruined it in one night. It’s taken a lot not to hate him which is a continued scar in my soul. Even as I understand why.

That is Evil.

Beyond an inability, almost lack of desire to forgive? Beyond a fleeting moment of the desire to end another? The kind that drives the vile? I don’t know.

Sorry. I don’t even want to ask for an answer because I’ve experienced the effects of deep hate and that’s quite enough upon me thank you very much. It certainly seemed close until I understood the motivation. But maybe its all that together.

It’s othering, scapegoating, territoriality, and pure blame. It’s hate and misplaced fury, murderous and harmful intent, and all the things that alone are understandable but together form a force like no other and too dark to get to beyond a taste of rage.

While different in root the result feels the same. Crimes of passion are not crimes against humanity. They are from a deep pit inside but not of the same motivation. It’s the closest I can get to explaining a static version I’ve been buried by as a victim, and one hot night in July 2018 felt the touch of desire to join.

Here’s an idea for avoiding it where we can. Don’t let people get that far. Being good and doing good is not only for the nice but for the unwelcoming whom we hope to change, or at least change the next generation. Let’s avoid evil with intervention not blame.

I mean do I want to? Fuck no. But would it work?

Probably.

Do I secretly blame them for becoming evil bastards? Of course. I’m human and don’t want to be around hateful fucks anymore than anyone else does. But do I hope my theory would hold true if the vile could be stomached?

Yes. Though that’s certainly easier from a distance.

God how I want to hate the evil, and secretly do. With a near instinctual passion that makes me want to grow energetic claws, dig out their souls and weigh them. It’s a fury I feel around that is also natural and understandable. I view them as foul and fucking up this world.

That said, if I don’t accept they feel the same way about me. I can’t fucking prove how full of shit they are. And if I don’t try to be patient in person what change can I make. I might want to drop them in a room by themselves till they figure their shit out but who do I sound like then?

No god damn it I have to be better than that and plain don’t want to. But not wanting to is not the same as not doing. Who we grumble about to ourselves and close friends is not necessarily who we would treat with hate. It’s just what we say privately. Not great vileness on our part.

I’ve struggled with that. If you are an evil ass alone are you evil? Are your acts evil? No? Then no. You have some shit to work out. compassion is best if felt fully and through your soul. But persuading someone to try that does little if not given the space to tell God all the things you believe – and let him change the ones none of us desire.

Frankly I thought an ass in private was an ass. Certainly one to another just the two is. But people don’t change anything let alone their opinions without some introspection and it’s how we treat others that should be how they are judged. Vile thinking is indeed vile and undesirable. But sometimes people just need to let out the bullshit.

Do I overhear it? Sometimes. Have I taken it personally? Of course. Have I assumed that to be their “true” beliefs? Absolutely. How could I avoid it? But it’s simply not true that evil thoughts lead to evil acts and we may need to offer better privacy to those ranting bullshit they feel for about a second till they hear themselves. It’s easier to be compassionate if you feel it. But it’s also easier to be compassionate if you share your frustrations with someone even if it’s just with god in the middle of the woods.

The goal is to feel Compassion Feel it and you fast track to Nirvana, act and speak with compassion but hold private frustration and it’s heaven for you. How the hell do you reach such pure kindness? A lot of meditation frankly. Welcome to the purpose and belief pattern of Buddhism. If that appeals I recommend it.

There many paths there. That’s one.

Frankly, if we’re exhausted by it all and in need of sleep, compassion is an afterthought. Which, while good, is not so at the time.

Sleep and Compassion.

Those are the fundamental basics to a better society. What we all could do with. And I’m going to share understanding so the latter is easier.

That’s the ultimate goal. Answer a few why and hows without getting preachy. There’s plenty of that out there, if that’s what you need.

Let’s start by sleeping on it.