Sylvanna Devlin

“Why worry?” Oh I don’t know, climate change, terrorism, Moores Law, pick a problem there’s a lot to stress over and if you have the weight of the world on you that’s pretty fucking heavy. Just looking at cybersecurity news made me convinced what the world needed from me most was better security.

That did not answer what I needed most from the world, and what it really fucking needs is some damn cooperation and I have a better chance of that studying psychology rather than mathematics. Don’t get me wrong. I love geometry. But I’m behind the times and rusty as fuck when it comes to variables and formulas.  But people, while evolving rapidly and in tandem with technology look different from theirs forebears.  Some things plain don’t change and those I can comment on. Maybe even convince.

Generation z is known for being cooperative. But here’s the trick. In their youth. The older you get the more set in your ways you become even if that way is flexible compared to most. Indeed flexibility becomes your way and you get annoyed at others for failing to have that much.

What a lovely soup.

One might ask. “How can I avoid worrying” – you can’t, please don’t. Instead ask, “How can I avoid letting my worry consume me?”

First of all it’s not a bad thing to care. It really isn’t. When it becomes anxiety it’s an issue but that’s next. Worry is a social mechanism, if we don’t concern ourselves with each other how to we protect our love ones. If we will not worry over our own lives when we are in peril what is wrong with us?

Frankly I’m one to talk. I’m worried about the whole world but don’t give a toss if you want to strangle me to death. I need a different balance I think. But it’s a bit like walking a beam. Fall off and I’m drowning in a suffering world with little concern for if I can personally swim.

So how do you cope with knowing five ways to end the planet and hoping no one else gets tempted. I mean five ways to cause chaos for a few years I suppose. But it’s enough that western civilization or even the world could be brought down by social engineering and lack of security.

One can’t hack the atomic clock. One could, theoretically hack the computer(s) interpreting it. Try not to worry about all the damage lack of a schedule can cause and while appealing to some stock markets would crumble. A lot of computers wouldn’t even work. That’s a pretty important building to have nestled into the heart of a small college city. But that’s where interesting weather is and they study that down the road.

Method number one.

This is why Elon was brought on. That and Trump needed help.  But mostly we need a technologically savvy administration if we want to avoid judgement day.

Or I know. How about don’t piss off all the geniuses because patterns are noticeable and so is deviating from them. I drove my father insane because I began to feel tracked and kept changing. But it was eventually likely predictable in what way.

Oh how I must flag about a minute a day.

But here’s where we are coming to.

There are entire departments of people whose job it is to worry and make phone calls when worried enough. That’s what they do. They double check what a computer thinks, they train it to help them more. And they watch what it spits out. There are research departments who bring on people who each worry about a different individual aspect.

Worry about supporting research because that leads to solutions.

If it’s your job to worry?

God do I understand someone snapping, “stay in your lane.” Now anyway. I didn’t then mostly because I hadn’t made the mistake of thinking of ways to end the world. And I knew a hell of a lot less about cybersecurity. 

I didn’t understand and was a bit hurt. And while kind of a rude thing to hiss at someone the meaning is the same. Let others compartmentalize the worry for you. Worry about your plot of land first, and how it relates to another’s plot of land. Family first, then friends, then neighbors, then if there’s one worth speaking of, the government. If it’s your job to worry. Worry over your part.

What if it’s your job to oversee and connect the dots everyone else is worrying about? Because forget leaving that to a computer ever. Well my best advice is to really find someone to worry over you so you can worry over everyone else. That’s not always feasible but is a better solution than just “toughing it out” because that will always lead to “burn out.”

How do you avoid becoming a cynical bastard that only sees misery and darkness and the awful things human beings do to each other? How do any of us but particularly if you are in healthcare, policing, or intelligence?

Umm.. give me a sec. Hang on.

No really that one is really difficult because it’s highly personal. I can’t answer everything with, “Get a god.” Well I can. And they do help. But it rather leaves a lot of people I love out in the cold. And frankly since gods use people to perform miracles sometimes putting our faith in each other is a better bet.

We do need faith in someone. Ourselves, each other, a higher whatever. Faith is the antithesis to worry. We need to believe our problems are preventable or fixable. We need to believe we make a difference. We need the rather comforting idea that we are helping for a reason other than a comfortable life. Because all the wealth in the world won’t stop emptiness. And if you are at all the worrying kind, you likely don’t have all the wealth in the world.

But what if you’ve lost faith? The world is not kind. You are not protected in the way you thought you were. Fuck gods, where were they when my cat was dying of a maggot infestation? As an example. Maybe you’re protected in a different way that is just out of sight. Pick an organization manmade or religious in orientation we do have safety nets they just don’t catch all of us. But they do sweep up enough.

What if you’ve lost faith for another reason? The world is not kind and it’s your job to protect others. You see shitty behavior day in day out and you don’t have a guiding light.

For fucks sake find one. Can I shine my torch brightly enough for you to feel this is all worthwhile? Can someone? Find someone you are doing this for. Because the worries of the world will consume you if you lose faith in humanity. I know. Recovering from death was an unwelcome experience. And all I could think about were the miserable bastards hurting each other. The miserable bastardly things done to hurt me. And that frankly the gods were bastards too.

But three weeks in the hospital, another three months recovering from giving up taught me that people do try. But they need to know you’re hurting. Unfortunately some people don’t fucking listen if you’re not screaming your head off in pain. And some people don’t realize what they are losing until their loved one loses their life over loss. Sorry bad time for wordplay but we’re talking about worry and faith here, and what is suicide but losing faith in everyone and everything. Coming from someone who loved everyone and everything and some people more than most that’s quite a fucking fall.

So what to do shadow boxer who is looking to recover a little from being the world’s worst worry-wort? How the fuck do you have faith when you’ve seen the ugly underbelly of life and “just don’t think about it”. Seems naive and unappealing.

Here’s the bad thing. You’re going to need some faith.

In god is convenient, but not necessary and not even always plausible let alone possible.

In your social environment, family, friends, neighbors, government is nice at whatever level you can achieve.

In yourself? That’s what you’re left with? Yuck.

Sorry welcome to the whole purpose of shadow work. What you can do and what you have control over. And the base of these is what you worry about. Thus the first solution you encounter is to have faith. And since we’re on an individual basis. That means in you.

Stay in your lane. God that sounds so nasty rude, and mean spirited. It sounds territorial and aggressive. But there’s wisdom there. Have faith in yourself first and then worry about everyone else after that.

How?

Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t know. This world seems pretty hell bent at destroying each other. So it’s super hard to believe in your own ability to survive let alone make an impact. Maybe start with a small seed. Get that low hanging fruit first. Eat the tasty, tasty peach of enlightenment when you have food in your belly, a roof over your head, clean water to drink, and remember what the hell love is. But then eat that fucking peach.

Okay maybe you don’t have to be enlightened. It helps, it certainly helps, but it’s unreasonable. But just be encouraged you made it through another day and build your faith from there.