Sylvanna Devlin

Let’s be clear. Anger can sometimes be a reasonable response. Being wronged pisses us off and it alerts the fight side of fight, flight, or freeze. Though for some of us it’s a quick dovetail into the second two because we plain don’t want to fucking fight anymore. But when it comes to pure animal instinct the urge to go to war is actually one of them.

We can be better. But we have to want to be.

You may not struggle with anger the same way you see in another. Those of us with a long history of deep wounds are likely to be capable of more ire than anyone whose life was slightly more straightforward. The “hey that hurts, fuck you” response is very, very natural.

So is cancer however.

In today’s society the general sentiment is to find an outlet for your anger but then follow up with “Keep a journal.” Yeah fuck you. That’s not enough. Sorry there’s only one other place that kind of passion can go and that’s exercise. Walk it off.

A squeeze ball seems to be good for “stress relief” but really what is stress other than the desire to thwack someone hard until they make things easier. Okay, just me. No? You’re willing to admit that when stress hits it’s because someone or something is pissing you off? Good first step. Being pissed makes you stressed.

Sure anxiety is stress inducing too. But I’ll be surprised when the kind of relentless worry induced by anxiety is remotely helped by a good hard kick to a punching bag.

Anger is energetic. It’s another system that your brain flags and floods when it comes to stress hormones. That does have to go somewhere and for some of us that’s in our bodies and we are the most tense individuals you could imagine even if we seemed laid back.

It’s not like you can usually get away with saying the first or even second thing that comes to mind. It’s usually spiteful and mean and not what will cool the situation at all. Some people do lash out and their targets are supremely hurt by it. Particularly if they didn’t even know they were pissing you off.

Oh how it does no good to have no signs except a faster heart rate.

And woah if you have no safe place to walk it off.

What can you do? I mean mediation doesn’t seem plausible and casting is probably a bad idea. But energy work isn’t. Focus, channel, drop it in a rock. Drop it in several rocks. Dump that negative chi

If you are in a situation wherein you are having to do this a lot? Get out of that situation. Leave. When someone makes you so mad you feel dangerous? Does it really matter whose fucking fault it is? Get the fuck out that guy’s an ass.

Now my previous book, game over, goes into reactive abuse.  Someone deliberately needles, wheedles, pokes and prods at sore spots ad nauseam till they get the reaction they want and oh boy will that eventually lead to the hospital for someone. Usually the victim who in this case would like the angry spots left alone. Barbs and boundary crossing will eventually undo any attempt to secure one’s temper I promise you.

I go into the difference between being an angry asshole who is only an angry asshole because of the victim. Ah. No. You’re just an asshole. And someone bottling anger who keeps it under control until pushed and pushed.

Honey. We’re all going to get angry if pushed. If you can’t tell the difference you might actually be a victim. Or you’re using it as an excuse. Do you feel bad either way. Of course you do. But if you keep your fuse coiled on the floor and someone burns that up it is most definitely them.

If you get pissed off and need to be left alone and they won’t? It can get dangerous. Fucking escape.

Ultimately though it doesn’t matter who is responsible. If someone regularly makes you so angry you lash out you should avoid that person if at all possible.

But please for gods sake don’t lash out.

Say you can’t, or it’s a loved one you are otherwise attached to, or it’s your entire building and you need somewhere to live. Or today the whole world done fucked up, as far as you’re concerned. What do you do sans punching bag and does the punching bag really help?

I don’t know I just imagine kicking one so hard I knock it off but I haven’t actually had the opportunity. Screaming is bad. Trust me your neighbors mind. And it hurts your throat and you’re likely to feel bad about it later.  Going into the fae realm or the middle of the woods is an option. But there was a time I felt like I had a hurricane running through me and it turned inwards painfully so.

No energy work in the world was going to relieve four years of my ex husband.

And the woods weren’t an option either.

Well in my case I let it build till I summoned the howling winds to stop my attackers and it worked for about a day. Then I stuffed it down with all my other emotions till all the negative ones and abuse cumulated in a suicide attempt and I’ve been significantly less pissed off since.

Maybe you don’t need to let this shit get that far.

So what now? What happens when you get irate now other than take a breather? Surely like all the rest you need a mindset to cope and there isn’t a band-aide for all situations. I mean sure realizing it’s energetic helps. Just like it helps with anxiety but green misery from anxiety is a different than red hot fiery fury.

Honestly your option is exercise but it doesn’t have to be marathon running and you might not even be able to get out of bed. But working on your core will help the other limbs when you can get going but I’m advocating chair bellydancing over core sit-ups.

Do I do that? No I roll over and take a nap and hope I feel better when I wake up. But taking chair belly dancing would be better.

If sitting up isn’t an option, walking it off is far from view, can you do leg exercises? Lift and hold your legs for a few minutes? That kills your back? Even with a cushion under your bum? Okay my dear only one thing left.

Fucking rant. Rant, and rant and rant to the wind. Don’t stop grumbling in a room by yourself till you are tired enough for a nap. Tell god you’re mad at him. What else are gods for? Well a lot of things. But one of them is to listen to us fucking complain.

If you can journal? Great skip everything else.  But start with moving your body, then talking it out then settling down to scribble some pissed off phrases.

Because writing while pissed will only hurt your hands and if you do it on a computer you might send it.

Just don’t feel guilty for how pissed off you are. Sure examine why. And if you’ve been pissy lately do something about it. But don’t feel bad to a human response to being hurt or otherwise attacked. Hitting with words is going to piss you off too and you need emotional tai chi. But don’t snap back. Push back. Tell them no. Tell them to stop. But only in the event do you need to duel do you use words as weapons. Please remember that. Because tongues cast spells even when we don’t plan on it.

Just be aware some asses think you ranting is how “you really feel” and will react accordingly. It’s not. Fair. And it can be really problematic if you say “OMG I’m going to kill her!” And you’re overheard and taken seriously. So indeed be careful you do indeed have privacy before swearing to gods. Because there are some stupid smart people out there and they will take you literally.

Being pissed isn’t the same as threatening a person to their face but some people take it as such so be careful till you know for sure they’re not going to get out of joint because you are. If at all possible blow that joint before your joints need healing. There wordplay over. Don’t get even. Get mad and let it go.

Ah yes I suppose I should mention the desire for vengeance. I used to have a streak a mile long that I never did anything with but imagined giving into repeatedly. No one pisses me off that much anymore. Nothing does. But nearly dying will do that so I have an advantage there. If you dream of making another suffer it’s natural but not healthy. And here’s what I know about that. It will lead to evil infecting you.

Vengeance doesn’t actually feel good. You’re still going to be pissed off so you might  well not.

Let me repeat. Don’t get even. Get mad and let it go.