Sylvanna Devlin

Lamictol can cause a potentially fatal rash. It takes about 8 weeks to a month to clear up and really you should spend that time in a Burn Unit of an ICI

The rash spread quickly in me If it follows the course it will blister – potentially inside. And if it blisters inside I’m looking at organ damage that can be fatal.

I have it, recognizably the symptoms a doctor would look at. While I needed to remind myself, a nurse practitioner told me what to look for.

Sure it helps someone to have an official diagnosis. So reality can slap them I suppose.

“Pics or it didn’t happen”

That’s the culture we’re in. I know there’s a good chance I’m dying. I could pull through but it will be at least two months.

It’s possible the acute stage won’t be as long. I don’t know. I was taught what to look for, not how it’s treated.

I should be in the ER

But I just would rather face death at home. Saving my life might have been more difficult and complicated when I tried suicide, So there may be experimental treatments.

“Snap back to reality. Who’s reality are you living in”

The one death is preferable to hearing that ever again and god might be doing me a favor.

The sound bites, the scripts, the wiki. Something prompts others to say it.

To hurt me.

Even dying they say it.

Dying.

“I’ll repeat it till you go to the hospital.”

So she’s saying “I know it hurts you, I don’t know why. But I’m a manipulative bitch and trying to control you with reactive abuse, as always.”

I really rather I die than listen to the controlling, manipulative reactive abuse a single second longer.

“You stupid bitch”

Why because your abuse has always gotten what you wanted?

They are so ignorant to their affect they would need to read my book before they understood their ingrained nasty behavior.

“Game Over” is the book they’re trying to stop. I clearly define and explain the push button see saw of reactive abuse.

“They’re’s no such thing.”

See, I hope I’m on my deathbed and they just won’t see how harmful and cruel they are. It’s their go to method of control.

I might have needed to get a PhD and say the same things, sell the same books. But they won’t listen to a writer’s lived experience without it.

Maybe I should have remote desire to survive all their abuse to get one – to shut them up.

“Come back to reality, you stupid bitch.”

Go to the hospital just to come back to an environment full of controlling manipulative women? Rather die, thanks

I can only hope.