Sylvanna Devlin

To skip out on current events and pets suddenly wondering why it’s so quiet and freaking out. Because as much as we might love a sudden calm, out in the wild, sudden calm was danger.

A predator.

Every animal intuitive sense, primal and true.

Everything else has run away or is hiding.

“Come on stupid human, we need better protection because… well I don’t know why this is a personification of animal instinct”

I love the quiet- you may be surprised to hear. Noise makes me chatty. Either because I’m trying to focus and am muttering. I’m trying to focus or sleep and I’m trying to fob off questions. Am at just that muttering stage of the night. Or I have been driven bat shit crazy.

So normal.

Except my favorite hour is actually early morning when the world is still and quiet and here no one has read the news yet.

No one. Checked a feed. No comments. No interpersonal conflict or other. Privacy and maybe a keyboard.

Fuck I don’t remember the last time I had silence.

God I miss it.

No offense to certain individuals hurling sound based abuse at my whole building. No offense at all. Nothing personal. Just don’t like what you’re doing.

But while sleeping in my car, at the semi-restful rest stop before it changed – the audio suddenly cut. It was during a storm and I love interesting weather. Particularly rain.

My sister thinks I must be insane. She wants the spring and the summer and I like the fall and the winter.

And the dark.

The rest stop lights went out. But the moon was bright. And I woke enough to rock in my semi-sleep.

“The demon is gone, the demon is gone.”

Those harassing me might have taken personal offense at the time. But the sudden silence was wonderful but pitchfork audio had penetrated my brainwaves. I had come to work around the headaches and cognitive abuse.

It scared my subconscious.

Then there was the other time a sudden silence followed. No not when I stuck my foot on it Christmas Day.

But after an attempt at brainwashing.

Babbling sounds like have been unfurling and in the background aren’t as quiet when someone is trying to wipe your mind. It’s not clear the sound – as pressure waves. Have to be audible. Just messy.

But if the next morning doesn’t have a sudden quiet? It doesn’t take.

Put some music on if you have to. Tired of noise you might be.

Because brainwashing and “getting clear” don’t work without that sudden break – and in the case of 72 hours of slipping, sliding words. The sudden quiet is such a relief. Then it truly is a hot poker being removed.

Check mate to everyone. Game is stalled. No one wanted to play anyway. But there are two kings on the board and two queens.

And we can’t get anywhere.

So go ahead and bitch that after 72 hours of horrible abuse via sound, I make it noisy.

It’s not just my more natural voice, usually considered melodic if I used it right. Interrupting at key times for no more than twenty minutes. At the first instance and no more than two more – five minutes or less.

Usually when that white diamond is about to hit. You see a white triangle and hear my voice? (Or a recording of a mathematician or some such. Anything. You don’t have to care what it said. It just has to interrupt.

I just saved your brainwaves and your the asshole if you can’t recognize it, don’t acknowledge it, don’t believe it, or become mighty suspicious that I know.

So there are a lot of assholes around me.

And then? Then? Say I’ve been muttering and unable to focus, stay quiet, calm down and you ignore what we are all listening to?

Because it’s not me.

You’d shut up if you were listening to me.

But somehow that triangle is about to hit and it’s timed for a morning of silence after? I’ve been stifled and anyone glued to a feed feels a bit mesmerized and doesn’t know why?

That glorious, scary quiet we all want?

I somehow interpret.

And you never get brainwashed.

I finally found an easier way than getting you assholes to listen.

You’re welcome you ungrateful, selfish, opinionated, childish, and willllfully ignorant assholes.

I have taken the heat of terrorists to save you.

You don’t have to know who I am, or how I know. But try to bitch less.

But at least you’re helping make a shit tonne of noise.

Meanwhile I have angry real terrorists to deal with, and you are annoying me and I just annoyed them. And am in a mood so going to make this worse.

Check mate

End set

End match

End game

It’s over.

Because everyone now knows how to stop you? And are such entitled opinionated assholes they will naturally not shut up either.

I’m no angel.

I’m no saint.

I want to focus on compassion.

But sometimes we have to be adults about it.

I’m only a role model in the sense I have indeed survived because I had to. Because it was rise to the occasion or die and I did try dying and my fighting spirit held on.

Did you forget your gaslighting, micro critiques, micromanagement, dogpiing, and insolence drove me to the most serious attempt anyone has ever survived.

Before me.

Otherwise? May you never understand how truly foul you are from a perspective of similar experience.

And young’ns. Hold on. It’s a bumpy road. Never do most of the shit I did. You ask, appropriately? You’ll still get an answer of why it’s a very bad idea.

Seriously I did all kinds of stupid shit and I’m super smart but super crazy.

Never do as I have done.

And may you never need to.