Sylvanna Devlin

What is it about American culture that makes abuse so prevalent it’s normalized and goes unrecognized?

Individuals snipe and prod but escape by saying “I’m just playing”. Yeah like a cat batting a mouse around before killing it.

Wit, teasing, banter and flirting seem to have fallen out of favor and sardonic baiting is all that’s replaced it. No one is happy with the situation and no one seems to have noticed why.

Look you foolish fellow mortals. No one likes having to be “en guarde” at all times. You carry words as weapons and strike the unwitting for fun.

Then fuck around endlessly if pushed back. Suddenly your abuse goes under the radar and their response is all anyone pays attention to.

As I dozed today I got the impression that some women around here want to view me as a frothing mess – a state I have indeed been driven to by 72 hours awake while being harassed the whole time. About 3 times.

I reached full oblivion twice.

But that’s been a small part of my existence and the other women are just trying to avoid the drama queens.

God heals all ugliness of the soul. So I am confident the damage to me internally is not permanent. Anger and hate do indeed rip into your essence like it is made of fragile petals.

But it can be protected if my theories of emotional tai chi hold. Perhaps we can heal the ugliness in American culture.

Americans band together for protection in herds and regard others as a threat. Separately from if they are, any individual from another herd is considered potentially dangerous.

The situation is cyclical however because you need the support of a group to weather the abuse of the society. So becoming a herd is natural.

That (and abusive parents) molds abusive people into being. Then everyone feels justified for being an asshole because everyone is an asshole.

I hope it’s changing, the more sensitive generations have been mocked by abusive asses while I have been delighted.

I’m particularly vulnerable to tears when it comes to the atrocities of World War II, so a (probably well written) book was avoided when I was a freshman in high school. At my parent’s insistence. I was too young to cope with such vivid content.

By reports a classmate lost her breakfast.

Yet younger generations are mocked and hassled for at least wanting content notifications on books with difficult subjects. I’ve been waiting for these kids all my life – maybe to teach, certainly to encourage.

The lies told about me prevent me from ever doing so again. And is a great grievance I have with certain American women and their prima Donna control techniques of lying, gaslighting, and cumulative reactive abuse.

I can’t comment on male toxicity here – I’m not one and most men have been welcoming of my company and did not expect me to have machismo!

But the kind of toxicity you get here is potentially fatal. This mean girls crap has got to go.

Abuse is the fastest way to attack and try to control “an outsider”. And the herds, banding together for protection, all go on attack mode if an “alien” being approaches. Not an immigrant – though many are assholes to them too – but any perceived threat.

To their power, to their control, and perhaps the dating pool. I’m not sure on the latter.

Those of us used to going from group to group and getting along with everyone are told to “Step in Line” by a woman who wants to be the queen of queens.

They don’t have anything other than the position to exert social pressure. But boy do they have that and their lies do spread. Ruining those who value independence over conformity.

They’ll all say they value independence. But it’s independence from the greater culture – as a group. Within their sphere of power you are required to conform or suffer.

What this means for me I don’t know. I refuse to bow before pettiness but it is breaking me. I need to protect my soul while sleeping the hostility and micro critiquing are so intense.

Perhaps God can grant me protection to pray. And if I do so, find the fortitude to continue with grace not a grievance a minute.

Grace.

Now there is a good goal for the year.

I’m still struggling with the motivation to care about my life. But should I find that magic perspective I promise to share!

Perhaps looking for it will keep me going.