Sylvanna Devlin

I have reached the point with my laundry that I am now wearing gym clothes. And as I have a few exercise skirts left I have still put it off!

I fell asleep clothed again and when changing did the sniff test. The skirt was fine but another day would make it pretty darn ripe!

Into the hamper it went, and I’m one step closer to needing to wear my one evening outfit to do laundry.

*giggle, giggle*

“Sylvanna does the sniff test.”

Of course I do. What the fuck is wrong with them that they don’t. But it doesn’t matter because it could have gone straight in and it would have been “about time.”

It’s a no win situation that requires maybe strict obedience if you want to avoid constant micro-criticism more likely to turn you into a nervous wreck than anything else.

I had thought it was a kind of nastiness intended to wound and cause a fight. The no-win critical situation seems designed just to piss someone off.

Leaving aside they shouldn’t know in the first place, they certainly shouldn’t comment. And have something nasty and mean spirited to say no matter what. But I finally believe they really are just that awful.

I muttered “Giggle, giggle, stupid bitch” under my breath. But because I get no privacy – even on the commode – they had a comment on that too. Genuinely surprised and insulted I didn’t take well to their bullshit.

Look these women might be otherwise nice. But they are behaving so badly by nature of the culture they’re in, no one fucking cares what they think of themselves. They’re stupid bitches.

I had a friendship go sour when someone became manipulative and controlling and I didn’t take well to it.

She was also surprised. She viewed herself as kind, thoughtful, and generous. And I viewed myself as those things too. But she tried to posses me and I didn’t really want to be treated like that.

She might have actually, such commentary aside, been nice, kind, generous, even thoughtful. I suppose I should have yet again looked past bad behavior.

Yet again.

No wonder I ended up with abusive men.

I don’t mind a cranky pants – though I may need to resist giggling. But being a bit on the grumpy side is different than criticism and control and is usually a lack of patience.

One easily resolved by a smile and a kiss. Some people are just that easily annoyed but not deeply so.

However it can mask behavior that makes me almost want to tease “is it that time of the month?”

(Incidentally the last time someone asked that about me, it was because I couldn’t get comfortable. And it was)

I had forgotten that my ex got cranky and miserable without sexual anything for three days in a row. But he wasn’t interested in sex with me anymore – and it was our first year as a married couple. We should have been like bunnies!

Some have argued that it’s a myth. People don’t get moody over at least not masturbating.

Oh yes they do.

I feel like Dr. Ruth who believes some people are just that repressed and in need of a good orgasm!

But “has it been a while?” While sometimes true is about as annoying to hear as “is it that time of the month.”

These are legitimate reasons to be on the cranky side. I’m a firm believer that sex as a way of communicating love and intimacy is also necessary for good health.

And I’ve been single most of my life because only assholes talk to me so I’ve either been dating a jerk or recovering from dating a jerk.

Seriously, I needed to get over being too shy to approach someone a long time ago. Now everyone is married and I’m a single middle aged women with compatible fantasies and general kindness but am very single.

The end all be all of one’s life and identity isn’t a relationship, however. And while one would be nice I’m not holding my breath I will be dating anytime soon.

Probably because men are expecting bitches and I’m just not one. But independent enough it would take a strong personality to be with me. Not necessarily unable to be gentle. But a level of acceptance for the weird and if not self acceptance, being open to being accepted by me.

Really I don’t need machismo. While I like men, I really like genderqueer individuals. So one can be softer and still strong of internal nature. Indeed this culture isn’t really ready for male bodied genderqueer individuals so it takes great personal strength to be comfortable.

Though I’ve wandered from my topic a bit. But how much is there to say about women who don’t seem to be happy no matter what. That they don’t seem to know to mind their own business. And aren’t good at regulating poor behavior. Some potentially otherwise nice. But controlling as fuck.

That does seem to be a problem I have with a lot of people. If they don’t want to own or manipulate me, they’re so unpleasant I’d rather not. Thank you.

Which is probably why I’m alone and isolated.

I’m not the only woman sick of women like that. But they tend to keep their head down and try to avoid notice. While I seem to be noticeable without even leaving my room!

I don’t know what can be done. This culture needs a wake up call. But until then I have to learn such independence and expertise with emotional tai chi that I can ignore bitches being bitches as soon as I open my eyes.

Though I reserve the right to make fun of them on my blog.

Come on, your form of entertainment is someone’s laundry habits? Get a life.