Sylvanna Devlin

The toxic dormitory style living continues wherein everyone listens in on my private conversations and comments on them afterwards.

Earlier I went into the no-win scenario and have an even better example.

I was literally lying down, my thoughts my own. No muttering. No ASL. No studying. Just trying to sort my feelings silently.

Oh no even that is not good enough.

Some asshole had to weigh in with her opinion on me and my attempts at a career. I hadn’t done or said a fucking thing.

This time of peace and repentance had a rocky start. I had settled down. The situation had (for now) settled down. But it was possible it was because I was already too miserable to function.

I feared never being able to be happy again because I would always be wondering what the next bitch would side swipe me with.

The cunt brigade, the bitch battalion, and the sanctimonious assholes who object to me objecting. I swear too much. I get too frustrated. My soul is ugly now.

Yeah sure, it matches my mutilated genitalia. That alone makes me feel like off this planet, thank you. In whose reality do bitches and cunts behave this way?

Theirs apparently.

They keep saying come back to reality but if they are in it, no fucking way.

I’m smart, I’m pretty, I’m talented, and I hide out away from the world because any of these puts a bullseye on my back all three means they think I should be target practice.

I’m too busy for your bullshit. I don’t care if I’m just trying to meditate and visualize. I am permanently too busy. Okay?

Every opportunity I have to get better is clawed into.

I’m harassed and harangued the night before psychiatric appointments so I can barely stay awake enough to communicate.

Medical appointments have to be rescheduled because the cunt brigade harasses me into being too tired to go.

They say they’re trying to kill me. I say they’re trying to kill me. But it would take my corpse before consequences came to them.

I can’t get better like this. And they don’t want me to.

Lies, gaslighting, 24/7 harassment and every achievement shat on, they want me to what? Never succeed? They’re such failures this is the only power they have?

Oh.

Some of us are here because of a disability, running from an abusive ex. Some have tried and collapsed so many times they’ve lost count. This isn’t a reference to bombing out. But I really think fuckery on this level is a failure of moral character at least.

Can’t escape so can’t let me.

It’s purely about power and control. And I’ll climb out of the pit this one last time. But they sink their talons in and I’m out.

It’s not an ultimatum, it’s a warning.

I can’t survive another attempt to improve undermined by the bitch battalion.

We’ll see if they’re too stupid to understand that.

P.S. Too stupid is the vote. If I complain again, apparently we’ll come to blows.

I don’t think that’s a good idea.