Sylvanna Devlin

There are fears of loss related to our homes and loved ones but let’s go on my check list of the back of the psyche:

Financial insecurity- haha yeah, try my history. I don’t recommend it.

Abandonment – we’ll check it off but not go into details.

Homelessness more specifically – le sigh. Are we done society?

My writing being stolen/ripped off – oh yeah, that happened. By so… so many.

My body mutilated? – yes.

To ever again experience bullying like I did when younger?

Oh yes, that happened.

What did fate just say “hold my beer”?

This time it’s worse!

There are the classic fears like public speaking and death.

I have experience speaking into a mic, deliberately so, that doesn’t bother me.

And death?

Yeah went there already, wasn’t that bad.

Rejection?

Well the gaslighters have tried to create relationships to then reject me in, but we became attached and they let me down more easily.

Those who swore they had their hooks in but had yet to develop a friendship were admonished by others.

They’re probably looking for a way.

Well…

Someone in the physical realm tried ghosting me but I didn’t care.

But in general, unless manipulated into existence. One would need to meet me. And want to.

And then want to bugger off.

They’d prefer a different relationship they should go ahead.

But I also don’t try. Even if someone is cute I don’t know we’re not just “hanging out” till they kiss me.

So oblivious to all attraction is probably something that keeps me from sticking my neck out.

There are other ways to indicate interest but those are individually based and private.

Besides the point of the post is experiencing your worst fears and:

I’ve hit bingo.

No wonder I don’t give a rats ass about fear. I mean sure, I’m still trying to protect myself, my cat, and my stuff.

But the twisted up in the back of the psyche ones have now come to pass.

What are you going to do that you haven’t already done or promised to do? It’s not that I don’t believe you. Oh I do. But there’s nothing I can do now someone new has pulled the trigger on the Troll-Bot.

You’re going to steal from me as soon as I go to an appointment. My cat has to go with me when taking the garbage out. And there’s no way to request human decency from a jealous individual.

They want me obliterated.

I don’t know what competition they think they’re in. But I’d like them to fuck right off.

Meanwhile I haven’t really absorbed what to do about surviving all that. There’s the thought no one can. And I’m tempted to agree. But I have somehow.

And I am so welcomed in person I know truth will out eventually. So being believed isn’t really an issue for me.

But

Bloody hell…

Come on!

All I’ve got left expected of me is fear of commitment like all wounded birds.

Except I don’t have it.

I’ve just learnt to be picky!

Not that I’ve had much opportunity to try.

Maybe my luck will change.