Sylvanna Devlin

(By request – as a longer book version is in the works)

A thorn in the mind is going to piss you off. Direct torture aside, some psychological abuse is just as bad.

Reactive abuse makes you think you’re the problem.

But make sure you distinguish between deliberate abuse and abusive behavior.

A lot of people in America have the latter. I have no tolerance for it anymore (separate from trying not to giggle at purely cranky behavior). But I don’t recommend it for everyone.

Let’s change our situation. Not ignore it. If you feel a relationship is changing you it’s possible, if you acknowledge it or not, you are supremely pissed off.

It can tear us up inside because that fuse gets burnt up no matter how long it gets or how much you dodge.

That’s not someone in a bad mood. That’s an asshole.

Then (sometimes) there’s don’t join them – flatten them.

Which is what I do.

So I try to avoid arguing if I can. (If I can, big “if” involved when it comes to being on the receiving end of cumulative abuse)

You may stop caring what others think because the others don’t want to believe you’re by nature good. And choose to believe the worst.

Even if you were a jerk some assholes don’t let things drop enough to change.

They might not have started as the asshole but they are then.

If it’s sheer cumulative reactive abuse use it as an unfortunate opportunity to climb on a clysdale. (More on that further on)

The more we give into heated arguments, from personal experience, the more fuel we feed our negative sides.

What if the situation is more complicated, however?

Abuse is so normalized in America that some people genuinely don’t realize how hurtful they are because they needle when angry – which is indeed still abuse. And America tries to force feelings into silence.

Even love is regarded with an eye of “what do you want?” And anger and frustration are rippling below the surface but somehow no one is allowed to talk about it like reasonable people.

Any remotely negative response is regarded as your own problem not the abuse of the needling bastard.

Relationships are partnerships you are both responsible for each other.

Okay?

Yes, friendships too.

Are you with me now?

If they don’t invent arguments to take it out on you it’s a maladaptive cultural habit. But some people are just cranky pants.

Your partner may be amazing unless you’re fighting. Leave, if the cops have to be called, but have no regrets. Try convincing him to get therapy to learn healthier ways to express and communicate frustration.

Do not suggest anger management- find out what’s really pissing him off and see if you can resolve it together.

The emotional “v” works on almost everyone because not everybody is really aware of what’s working under the surface and I don’t mean a painful childhood!

If the boss was an asshole and he doesn’t want to take it out on you but is irritable as fuck because he’s already pissed off it can turn quite toxic.

Really he might need some space and to chill with a violent video game.

Psychological hop scotch has argued violent games beget violent moods. That’s bullshit. Violent games release violent moods on a digital enemy.

No getting pissy over vent though!

Can being angry feed into being angrier? Yes. And it can seem to change us. We need a way to scream out rage however because our system is fucking ready. Those reflexes are fast and (sorry) furious..

If you can’t, it can go into the body like mine did. Never to be expressed because journaling doesn’t do it.

But fuck does that end in physical pain.

I am still looking for a way as so far have muttering and people hear that. So blog posts to get others to back off get written in a hurry.

Yes that is different from journaling.

Because I’m communicating to others.

It helps.

After enough harassment I went through a few stages till the Dragon in me decided it was an adult-adult and fucking tired.

But it’s not like that’s easy or even recommended- at least the method used!

I mean sure. If you generally regard people needling you as gnats you might swat at them once in a while but eventually they’ll learn to go back to being people.

They’ve all been the assholes.

And “just ignore them, they’re only trying to get a rise out of you.”

Isn’t helpful advice.

Nope you need that clysdale and to be confident sitting on it. Regard them as wailing babies who need to tire themselves out and wait it out.

Eventually their ire will settle and you can address any disagreement when they’re done being assholes.

But do address the trigger point because they might be more reasonable in motive than behavior.

Sorry this isn’t my best writing. I’m not feeling a hundred percent enthusiastic about the subject for some reason…