I am Melissa Devlin, but you can call me Sylvanna.
I was a writer. Now I seek more to life.
As the troll-bot is a broadcast device that operates on radio frequencies I suggest you press the FCC to step in.
I’m trying to create an anti-troll-bot AI but it will take time – and meanwhile I already have a target on my back.
It’s not like those who press the button don’t know.
I was a writer. Now I seek more to life.
Not just saying….
The instructions are close to other attacks on the brain – via attempts similar to force you to “get clear” (as an example)
Your physical brain has been attacked. You need to protect and then potentially rebuild.
You need an ass tone of zinc
Omega 6 (and 3 if you can get a complex)
Don’t take any Benzodiazepines, narcotics, or other opioids.
If you need help mellowing, god and veganism will forgive shortbread as the perfect example of the correct sugar, fat, salt combination to have a dopamine (as in stimulating the hormone) affect on the brain.
If you are strangely experiencing pain that passes 10 and needs its own scale?
It might be nerve pain.
At mild, its pain and tingling, and at extreme it’s hot lava nerves that also make everything touching you hurt and can make it hard to hold anything.
If you’ve ever had bone wracking flu (which can cause fibromyalgia) that’s about level one of nerve pain.
An attack on the brain can stimulate the same center that goes wonky in those of us with a pain syndrome and cause REAL pain in regular people.
Of course it’s in your head, where the fuck else processes the nerves saying “hey that hurts?”
CRPS is another example of a pain syndrome.
The pain is REAL the attack is REAL. It is not your imagination.
You may need to up your cholesterol intake afterwards. I’m not sure on that. Last I checked the jury was out on where your brain pulled cholesterol from. But knowing the human body, probably anywhere it can – just not necessarily efficiently.
Try eating something fatty.
Even if it’s avocado.
Your cognition will be impaired at first. Try to avoid operating heavy machinery if possible. Mellow out. Avoid drugs. And watch anime or something.
Remember. The pain you are experiencing is always REAL because your head does indeed process that fucking pain.
I was a writer. Now I seek more to life.
Heaping bullshit on me?
For a lie
Based on a lie
About a lie?
A promise is the only reason I continue to survive.
How will you feel if you push us all to die?
Those responsible, and I?
You seek a monster so you feel justified
And I won’t strike back and you wonder why?
Look in the mirror, you’re compounding a lie.
I was a writer. Now I seek more to life.
Which is a jolly good thing!
I was a writer. Now I seek more to life.
Suitably silenced. I must ask that if you wish to speak to me and have me pay attention it be in person.
Because anything else might be baiting from a Troll-bot.
Now it’s backed off I can never go through that again.
Please be gentle right now
I’m very fragile at this time.
But please do not mistake silence for loss of spirit.
Merely change.
Nor is my spirit broken
A broken spirit suggests another commands me. This is not the case
Attempt to assert power because I prefer not to speak to anyone? It’s likely to put me right back on the edge of suicide.
Back off.
I was a writer. Now I seek more to life.
Things did indeed change.
Since you asked for a picture:
I was a writer. Now I seek more to life.
I have been informed that there is someone who will lose her life if I do.
Someone responsible for some of what happened. She can’t live with this impending guilt anymore.
She promised that if I survived she would admit some of the lies about me. Tell the truth of what happened. And let me out of my digital prison.
I’m willing to wait and see.
I was a writer. Now I seek more to life.
I’m having difficulty maintaining my cool and my soft center is getting burnt by the intensity of my replies.
It’s not that they’re unwarranted. Just that pushing back twats is making me more miserable than baseline.
But just absorbing it is too painful.
As soon, the absolute instant, I sound like my mood is improving, someone shits all over me.
And I’m not the only one with that experience.
It makes it hard to remotely try the things we’re supposed to for the purpose of climbing out of hell.
And average chores are nigh impossible.
I start writing, the poetry flows, and someone – who should not be in a position to know my words – asks me to dumb it down.
I don’t think so.
But putting fingers to keys is a sign my mood is stable enough to create a little. And that’s an anathema to abusers.
In truth, my ex spouse Toad, bullied, harassed, nitpicked, baited, and in general abused me without the aid of an AI.
His reactive abuse gave me the nerve-pain based PTSD that this whole troll-bot situation compounded.
I don’t care who started it. The reasons are so varied it’s probably all of them.
I just want it to stop.
As for my squishy golden-hearted core? The one abusive arses say no one believes is there?
Said to hurt me, no better reason.
All the cruel things said to hurt me.
What do I do that I want to be loving and the world doesn’t seem to care.
But I am covered in their tar if I acknowledge a word they speak and they work every nerve until they succeed.
So today I went dark side.
No one believed I was kind, sweet, gentle and caring?
Indeed the response to the very idea is “come back to reality”
Fine I wouldn’t be.
But I’m not happy this way either.
I need a solution and fast.
A way to return to my core and refuse to sink to their level. Get a Clydesdale and ride it out of misery.
Or I’m out permanently.
Because I’m unhappy with this change.
And no one is willing to let me change back.
Tomorrow this ends or I do.
I was a writer. Now I seek more to life.
Sooo…
Time to breathe!
It’s easy to focus on the negative. But don’t forget, I was dubbed, “The Happy Immigrant”.
A very English response to what they would have seen as a smarmy love letter to America because my birth country is like that.
But I’m American now. And we go in for that sort of thing.
Particularly these days when we really want to be reminded of the good in our country because cultural diversity is being squashed and minimized and more than half the country is entirely fed up with the other half and the feeling is mutual!
OMG America!
This was the land of the brave, remember, as in… oh wait let’s not make an Aldus Huxley reference here.
But the point is, the English stalwarts might have been annoyed with a “what took you so long, by the way these boats leak.”
But the rest of the war-torn inhabitants of the world were relieved to see tall American soldier’s lifting them out of hell!
It seems like a long time ago to our newest generation but not me. But American memory, by nature of the four year term is short. Trump would like more than two goes however so that four year election cycle is looking pretty decent now.
Actually.
The forefathers (most of them) knew what they were doing. Some stuff… meh we disagreed later about. But the constitution was far better than the Magna Carta and Most of the world based their constitution on the American one.
The French gave America the statue of liberty after they were inspired by American ideals.
Do you remember the plaque? Installed later on?
“Give me your tired, your poor/ Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free”
We’ve lost our standing in the world and some don’t care. But we should. Because we were hero’s.
Immigrants too.
Don’t you want to live up to hero instead of spit on them?
We can do better.
Because some do.
I mentioned my life being saved, and the incredible resources for the homeless and mentally ill where I am.
Stigma has seemed like a huge problem in Portland. But I think it’s an extreme minority being very loud and abusive. I loved this city until a certain weapon was pointed my way.
I could again.
Just as I love this country. And the freedom to speak my mind. I would like to suggest some of us are tired of the bull crap from the rest. Thank you not-so-much!
Forgot battles over blog posts. This country isn’t built on fear of the tallest poppy. It sure has had issues with it. And some will (reasonably so) disagree as the abuse is so pervasive it certainly seems some citizens are oriented around fear.
But that’s not what we’re supposed to be about. We can do better.
And in America I, usually, do not get shot at for suggesting we return to our ideals- dropping our forefathers racism on the way.
Some communication channels are trying to make us afraid of each other.
Because it sells.
That’s such bull.
We need to stop fake news, overly sensational headlines and clickbait.
We are indeed becoming afraid to leave the house. Because the news is vile.
But we’re all like that.
So it’s not us is it?
It’s loudmouth abusive arses and the loud TV news channels pumping fear. One because it gives them a sense of power and control. The other purely because it makes money.
Maybe if they didn’t feel so powerless, the normalization of abuse would fade.
More reasonable news with less fear mongering might do it.
No.
It’s not all of America.
But all Americans are affected.
I was a writer. Now I seek more to life.
I do find it interesting, that in America the idea of refusing to be minimized means everyone believes my heart has turned to stone.
Not quite.
But really it’s none of your business.
