Oblivion
Type Exhaustion and Gaslighting
It is 92 hours awake and 2 hours of sleep at some point madness easily flows. Add to it intense narrative based reality abuse! One disconnects from everything.
Slipping, sliding, flowing stories swimming around each other. Real sounds only some can hear. Characters, plots and plans. It all begins to blur and a dream world makes more sense than the physical/
Until you are left in oblivion.
You cease to exist. Reality becomes a red river of lies above and the blue truth below flowing in an opposite direction. And you are between, floating on both as up and down really has no meaning anymore.
You’ve been reduced to perception alone and any moment now you will cease to exist entirely.
A life raft of words is sent and you’ll call upon your nemesis if you have to, anything to reconnect. Even surrendering to the lure of an abusive, controlling individual with an unusual affect on women.
Unless they were around all the time for years. Then they fear succumbing to crocodile tears and nuerolinguistic programming.
Maybe he improved. I don’t know.
Then you get some fucking sleep and overhear complaints, “you said she would be in the hospital for weeks after all that”
You write about it and someone says, “you think Nepenthe is you? Come back to reality.”
Oh if it were only so simple.
I am Nepenthe as described as the version in the song – one I’ve never heard. But they knew the story too well for us not to be the same woman.
And reactive Abuse has made me look ugly and angry when I would prefer to be kind and gentle.
“Do you look good enough on the outside to feel good on the inside, yet?”
Please God, get me away from abusive women I’ve never met, pouring nastiness and frustration with my security in s way I just don’t understand.
Maybe trying to Vanish me was a bad idea.
Oblivion Type Musical Interference
I’m severely hoping I can sleep through this chaos.
Because gentle singing will put you to sleep while driving.
I’ve had that part happen and needed to pull over for a nap.
That was back in the summer of 2024 and they’ve had time to perfect it since.
The music plays in cars and, like it or not some are lulled and sleepy, maybe even (for some) conditioned into it by inaudible (to most people) music while you sleep.
But now that same gentle sleepy sounds had an undertone (as in sound) of “Seattle Surfer Rock”
Also tested on me quite a while ago, it can cause quite the distraction when load and certainly send the blood pressure upwards.
The latest version has the same note and rhythm but with softer instruments. So it fits under the somnolent sound. But is still likely to keep you awake.
48hrs is dangerous. 72 is likely to cause hallucinations and delusions in anyone bipolar or not. 92 with two hours of sleep should have killed me.
This will make you too tired to drive but too awake to sleep.
I don’t have any better suggestions than finding the source and shutting it down. There are unwitting “assholes” in the neighborhood whose WiFi is being hijacked to broadcast sound.
The FCC will be so pleased.
So will the FBI
How to relate
Think about this nightmare.
You believe your dream is real – that deeply in. And be about to die a horrific death, and think you wake, but in a scenario you’re pinned to a chair, another dream, the chair again. That dream would mess you up for the day.
Now imagine someone does that to you with a twisting narrative. In and out of their fiction for 72 hours. You’re awake. Can’t sleep. And can’t help but listen.
You’ve already been broken into. Parts were true, you know that. But you can’t hold on to which part was real and which part was reality abuse and which part was gaslighting..
And if you imagine how messed with that dream would make you feel? Being kept awake with a similar version of audio narrative is dangerous.
What I don’t know. What is possible. Since your brain needs to control its own REM. If that’s repeated for a night?
You might have trouble waking in reality.
And become suicidal.
Reality abuse invents a false reality.
Gaslighting changes it.
Together they can be lethal
We need reality. Our psyche depends upon it. And as much as I have forced myself to lose touch and decide everything I heard was ghosts kept me alive?
It took five days to “come back to reality.”
There is no snap back after lack of sleep swarms delusional thinking around you. Only rest and in some circumstances therapy.
I have, a number of years ago, fallen to such a dissociative state I didn’t remember my own name and thought I was on a movie set – driven there by lack of sleep and reality abuse.
It took me 10 days to recover.. And I was in the hospital.
I deliberately swarmed delusional thinking around me to survive. As stated.
Again that took five days.
Then there was the stated 92 hours with only 2 hours of sleep – at some point. And not restful.
I disconnected and became the goddess Nepenthe. My dancing name from my twenties and now the only reason I lived.
I was in a state of oblivion and I created my world.
I finally got some sleep. And I lost track of how long it took to recover.
That reality abuse creates its own reality, is the only real aspect to that experience, and it’s really dangerous.
Sylvanna Devlin 