Sylvanna Devlin

I’ve lost track of the number of destructive periods these terrorists have put me through- all claiming to be new to the weapon.

It wasn’t quite true anyway. Some had been at it quite a while.

Backing off when I began to struggle with a deeper depression and a sense of being unable to bother trying to get better.

The new crop is lying and saying they will stop if I only obey them. But they don’t actually. Or the obedience they seek is unacceptable to me (and anyone in my position) and they still wouldn’t stop.

I was, earlier, doing absolutely fuck all and they started in on us. So it’s certainly not me aggravating the situation.

Unless you count trying to be less depressed.

They don’t stop if I go to the hospital- they follow me to the hospital where very vulnerable people are, both in the psychiatric unit, and the ER I would need to go through.

They don’t stop till I’m near dead as far as activity goes – barely able to care for my surroundings.

Everyone gets fed up of my words of suicide- but they don’t actually stop till I seem on the verge of actually following through.

Then they back off till I start to improve.

And I can’t believe I bother trying again.

But here we are.