Sylvanna Devlin

I was getting fed up with the cumulative abuse and turned to getting personal myself. Mostly by repeating someone was a stupid bitch when discussing them with the ether. Or finally asking someone to think more thoroughly “you stupid woman”. Neither is abuse to anyone who has actually been through emotional or reactive abuse. But it’s not exactly nice either.

I do feel the need to point out that insults- as painful as they can be – are a separate idea from abuse. While reactive abuse needles and wheedles with barbs and baiting those insults are cumulative. And often deliberately directed at a specific and personal wound. Usually ignoring boundaries in the process.

Same as an individual insult intended to wound but a part of a taunting group that is deliberately cruel.

That said, as much as one might want to offer a nasty reply. It is counterproductive and doesn’t help your soul feel any better about being attacked.

Meanwhile they get what they want and sing and crow that “[victim’s name here] is abusive.”

Again, separating abusive language from being abusive. The idea an insult on its own could be considered abusive language is new – and being spread by abusers at the same time they deny anything amiss.

So long as they just wound at the only objective insult is “stupid bitch” – as they’ve said to me – they think they come of smelling like roses.

“Come back to reality”

And

“You’re not that smart”

Are very frequently used forms of baiting and snapping back, depending on the user. Indeed we need to truly tease apart the insult cycle is to see which persons version is purely about power and control (which can seem innocuous to outsiders). And which is the reaction.

As an example (so nasty) an invasive hacking AI is reading off everything I type, and my abusive neighbor did a;

*Giggle. Giggle.* “Sylvanna is writing down everything he says.”

In actuality he’s reading from me and occasionally correctly using predictive text and I’ve been trying to ignore him.

Thunderstorms time.

Surrounded by such cumulative bad behavior one would feel like swearing. But it isn’t getting me anywhere.

I was supposed to be free from being targeted. It was supposed to be over for me. Moved on to the next victim.

But no.

Some [unsavory individual] started the trollbot back on me. And I’m just waiting for the day even a polite rebuke is called abusive by the kind of abusive arseholes who are good at shifting blame.

Maybe they’ll be lucky and drive me to suicide again.

No privacy on my phone, in my room, my words shared as I’m writing them, and the rebuke of reactive abuse is now apparently that which I am rebuking.

How do you exit it while being chased by claims you should “get off your high horse.” Apparently being “above it all” requires a Clydesdale. But that is indeed what needs to happen.

Be better.

Be more mature

Have better things to do.

And remember (as I think I pointed out originally was written in in Gavin DeBeckers’ book. The gift of fear.), why waste energy on someone you don’t even like?

I’m not exactly afraid of much beyond never getting the end of being the Troll-bot target. That and the intellectually inhibited bothering me till I swear and say something back. As requesting respect doesn’t work on bots or the intellectually inhibited!

Then it or they get what they want which is a frothing mess.

Why?

Who cares. I need out and just writing about it on my blog now has them becoming a dangerous frothing mess. Not my intent though- fair as some would see it.

I’m actually searching, through prayer (I believe in god, I’m just not Christian) meditation and maybe even a little magic. I will indeed get back to this point when I’ve had the last laugh.