Sylvanna Devlin

The short answer is both is indeed better. But hard to find. Meanwhile it’s important to try to get along with those in your environment.

But if you try to be nice or at least ignore them when they get ugly and they’re still unpleasant – go with independence and wait it out till you can choose a more comfortable community.

Now for the long version.

When I was very young (so quite a while ago) there was a children’s story called the “ugly duckling.” About a swans egg that ends up mixed in with ducks. And when they hatched the other ducks were cruel.

As swan chicks are apparently nowhere near as cute as baby ducks, that little bird – who didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to be one – was very hurt!

But matured into a beautiful swan.

I was teased and tormented a lot when young. It made me miserable. But I stuck to my inner fire (with my mother’s support) and later found a group of friends that made me feel like an elegant swan! (Even if I can be a tad silly)

I left high school early, but so loved that group of weirdos – from the chemistry genius to remedial math student – that I would visit during lunch.

It’s not that I can’t find another strange group. (Though they would have to be pretty strange these days). But because I was raised to endure teasing and the like during middle school, I spent all my play time writing, and I became my own tower.

Who seems irresistible to those who want to tear me down! I collapsed and rebuilt a few times. So eventually got pretty decent at putting myself back together. Which is just as well.

Boy, have the latest attacks on me been cruel! Yet truth always outs and I’m honest and kind, strictly law abiding and pretty adherent to rules! It’s how I grew up. And that’s a good thing too!

It’s very important to follow all rules until you are confident you know the ones that don’t make sense. Then argue to change them!

It’s even more important to stick to the law and listen to police officers, paramedics, firefighters, doctors, nurses, and in general those in charge of keeping you well and safe.

You’ll see fights and squabbles on TV with adults. And there are some good reasons for those. But when you’re young you need to listen to actual authority figures till you’re at least a teen and no one can stop you from talking back! And then it’s normal to fight for adulthood but you’re still a kid to the rest of us. – which is annoying to everyone. But that’s okay and normal too.

Do not let strangers tell you what to do unless in a real position of authority or introduced to you by one of your parents. Absolutely not. Be polite. Stay off neighbor’s lawns. But never follow instructions that make you feel uncomfortable.

Don’t get in strangers cars.

And don’t pay attention to insults from anyone you don’t like well enough to find their opinion noteworthy!

Though some of us get to the point of liking everyone and everything. But they don’t always like us back so it’s best for us to avoid them! And failing physical escape? Avoid caring about what they think of us back!

It’s tough to do and usually a sign things have been difficult

Now it is possible to stand too firmly against the world. Not because people try to break you apart- though that does happen. And not because you have to worry about earthquakes in an analogy!

But because while it’s possible to be very loving and interested in the welfare of others. Your lack of interest in anyone’s opinion (in my case anyone at all unless I’m needed) can be very isolating.

That’s okay for some. It really is. My favorite memories of London were on my own, other cities too even Glasgow. Running with my dad was nice once a week but the other five days I enjoyed solitude.

My favorite all time memory is disappearing into very misty woods. I knew that trail well but couldn’t see more than a few feet before me. It was wonderful!

However I’m strange about preferring solitude. I do sometimes wonder if it wouldn’t be nice to be with one other person but away from everyone else most of the time.

And theoretically I could socialize. I might not forever be in my shell. But holidays alone are pleasant not painful.

Would a special someone make them more so? One hopes! But I’ll be okay and more okay then!

This is not normal.

And not a goal I advise.

Community is important and we are supposed to be social creatures. It’s okay to want friends. That’s normal. And it’s okay to consider their opinion important.

But if you feel they’re trying to carve you down to force you to fit in – or worse you find yourself minimizing yourself, your interests, your talents? It will end in tears. Don’t get into any relationship with someone (friendship or otherwise) who makes you feel lesser.

As an addendum. While I have you here.

It’s okay to make mistakes- that’s how you learn. And it’s okay to admit them. It doesn’t make you stupid it makes you capable of learning!

We all feel stupid sometimes. But that keeps us in stupid situations, if we won’t at least admit when a friendship or partnership isn’t working. (At least to ourselves)

Try to avoid people who deliberately make you feel stupid too. That’s pretty darn nasty! Don’t call other people stupid unless you really do want to give them a bop on the nose but are too polite! (As you should be). No one likes it. Using that word is mean and spiteful and sometimes very inaccurate.

Make up your own mind about other people too!

P.S. don’t forget teeth are part of your body. Look after them or they become injured! (Sometimes painfully so)