Sylvanna Devlin

When asked if there is a God, why do we exist?

I’ve said we exist because he does but it wasn’t enough

He answered he wanted children

Not gods themselves

But enough family to feel loved at least a fraction he loves us.

Faith is important. But loving God is the ultimate kindness to our maker.

So all the reactive abuse, harassment, theft, threats, and gaslighting has been a game to you?

Here is what I feel about that – as I am a real person with the following feelings about you:

.

.

.

Clear enough?

I’m too numb now you have obliterated everything digital and are now working on the physical.

P.S

Apparently women here think I believe I’m in a video game.

Intellectually challenged wolves at the door.

I am saying people have treated me like abusing me is just a game.

Since your comprehension is as vile as your personality.

Don’t like my reaction to your shitty attitude?

“You can move, if you want.”

Not with the way you harpies shat on my credit score. I’m trapped thanks to laughing hyenas.

Also

Please stop commenting on my hacked private messages to my mother.

You clueless nitwits

Also

Photos of me vary by angle, posture, mood, sleep, bed-face, water weight, saggy stages of weight loss, and lighting. If I play with filters or makeup I state so. I do not use photoshop and have not had plastic surgery to look like this. My face is the one I was born with. While it should be a compliment you think I’m pretty enough not to be real, it’s not one. Because you don’t mean it that way

“I’m Just joking.”

“I Just said one thing.”

“I only (fill in the blank).”

“I only searched”

“I only stole one thing”

“I only broke something small.”

“That’s just gaslighting”

“It’s just a threat”

You even play games, like I am a toy. “Let me try…..”

Cumulatively you’re killing me

And when I point out you want my suicide?

“Don’t talk about that”

“We’re tired of that.”

Rebuked?

“Some angel.”

You cumulate and harass, words that should be innocuous becoming thorns in the mind, and then claim you either care or are just “tired of hearing it”

Even “go to the hospital” is used to harass me – so how am I to tell? I can’t “come back to reality” when you sound the same.

You might care, but the robot is just prepping me to have the rug pulled from under me.

There are at least 8 maybe 9 voices from the trollbot – saying the same so there’s no way to know what’s manipulation and what’s the concern of a passerby.

I can’t go to a hospital- it’s not just that some say they have plans to loot my room. It’s that the trollbot follows me and harasses everyone- some even more vulnerable than me.

Music none of us control rings through- and I am both driven mad by it, and by requests I stop playing it. Stigma and scapegoating mixed with reality abuse.

Some are responding to a bot themselves. I can be calm and quiet and they still have to say something to me when I haven’t said anything. You said you’ve been listening to me for twelve hours?

I haven’t been awake more than 5.

You are all listening to a bot and calling me crazy for it.

But I do appreciate those that get through that they’re real and just care – even though they don’t know me.

You claim I have no self control

But I am alive, thus far.

And many “just have one thing to say”

Because they can’t help themselves and hold their bitching tongue.

They are, together, harassing me.

All seem to have ears to hear but not listen

But some are beginning to understand

If all my blog contains is proof of reality abuse?

And many are laughing about what I’ll believe next?

Then?

“Come back to reality?”

I should kill myself

Because I’ll never have the truth again.

But calm down, stop ganging up on me. And I have a chance.

You now push and abuse, pretending you don’t believe I could survive your continued harassment.

Read that again.

You are continuing to abuse me.

Because I’m still alive.

That’s what you’re saying.

You think you’ll make the bogeyman out of me.

Doubling down on your hate, spite, and lies.

Nothing will stop you.

Because the mirror is uglier without what’s left of your soul.

How would you feel if I you succeeded and I became an actual monster?

Because I would indeed kill myself.

Which you say you want.

Then ask me to go to the hospital when you almost get it.

Face the evil and malice in your soul for I have none and a creed I return to again and again and you have lost your way

All forms of abuse crosses boundaries. They’re key to psychological wellbeing. It also revels a level of disrespect it can at minimum generate constant anxiety and at the worst, entirely suppress personality.

Boundaries define our interaction with the world. And thus differs in different cultures. Most are familiar with the different train rides in Tokyo vs The Bay Area (California, USA)

The idea of personal space is easy to recognize in the physical world but also a good way to describe our need for mental privacy and room to exist.

Ignoring boundaries is not only aggravating but sometimes dangerous. And some even abuse the very word “Boundary” to inflict abuse and deny response.

Ignoring them can be as dangerous as ignoring a locked door, or more subtle. It can affect you emotionally, and affect your ability to communicate what’s happening, as well as other forms of cognitive abuse.

As a note, trying to force communication is the same so psychologists need to know when to back off, and others need to respect hiding in the bathroom to cry.

Usually you would learn them as subconscious “rules” on what to say, how to act, even how to perceive the world.

But they can be learned in adulthood if one didn’t grow up with them.

And be fair, those not taught them, had them heavily abused and crossed, or by reputation those who struggle with social cues but learned of them?

Can be pretty defensive of theirs. Fairly so.

Have some respect.

I am that smart

I am that talented

I am that skilled

And I am indeed in need of losing weight

Which I am doing

If I’m that pretty or not really depends on taste

And I am being forced to change careers.

My writing, as you know, my entire 32 years of iterations as I mastered and used the craft, has been stolen, used to train AI and now everyone in the English writing world is able and seems to use that AI, some having also read some of that work.

My contribution to the English written word, thus spoken English, and perhaps even language directed thought is frankly larger than any writer before me including Shakespeare.

In fairness none had 32 years of life’s work stolen and like them I would have preferred my early work to remain private.

But I had more time than some.

So there’s that.

Whether I’m the “greatest writer to have lived” is so subjective I don’t want to comment.

But my addition to the English speaking world is vastly larger than many combined.

This was not my choice, so you can afford to at least offer credit to my name as I shall see not a penny from any of it. You are all using stolen work. Have some manners.

I know it’s annoying to feel “shown un” by someone you looked down on and mocked – albeit based on nasty rumors and lies.

However it’s not my doing. So leave me be.

Please keep in mind the vast number of people pretending to be me. If you think you met me, you might not have.

And I have never or would never hurt anyone of any age, cross their boundaries, and am even trying to curtail swearing at the deserving.

But there is a rumor going out there that could lead in a nasty end. I can’t stop it being spread. Please stop it from entering your heart.

Word has reached me one of the thieves has been chatting nonstop. That’s a problem for all of us. Because I sometimes talked to my cat, and swatted back abuse a grand number of 3 times.

If you are having difficulty understanding the word “boundaries” I wrote about them on this blog. But it was hacked out of existence- as I just learned. I will… Oop found it, fixed it up a bit.

You are likely not talking to me if you’re confused about my understanding.

And

Again

Have some manners.

It won’t just help me sleep through the night.

It will help me process and cope with a theft of the soul

At least Tabitha is just grumpy but otherwise well.

This is a repeated attempt on my life.

I can’t write an outline without being interfered with.

I have dance and they already fucked over my music

So I have dancing to their bullshit.

They’ll find a way to ruin that.

Because they want a dead body.

Mine.

All that I listed last post comes into context now doesn’t it?

Now. If that’s settled.

Good

You take your space

I need mine.

After everything I didn’t live through…. So less than a year now. Compounding my PTSD.

What happened to my neighborhood wasn’t done by the same individual who trashed my reputation; credit score; prevented me from passing a background check for an apartment – or should my disabilities abate, work; prevented me from educational volunteering; stole my stuff and gaslighted me and the police with some and sold others; made my immediate neighbors paranoid of me – and for that matter myself paranoid of them; set the troll-bot on me over again etc so forth, and scuppered my fiction career by posting my work as selling it wasn’t working out.

That just turned out to be in the favor of more dangerous individuals.

Sounds excessive doesn’t it?

Makes you wonder why.

She’s even threatened to steal my cat. Not just any fur-ball. But a documented therapy animal. Because she’s that awesome.

I thought it was because nothing killed me. So she just kept testing limits like all abusers.

But I think she might have seen jail before and was willing to kill to prevent going back.

I little bird told me about prison.

So yes, she shat on me, abused me, said “oops wrong person” then continued to shit on and abuse the whole building because her reputation is at stake.

Oh the irony.

So I’m not commenting on it.

But Tweeter is putting words out saying they’re from what she “overheard”.

Nope. Nothing to say really.

All this torture and torment is to drive you into a froth. Drive you insane so you kill each other, me, it doesn’t matter really as long as it’s divide and conquer worthy.

She’d like to keep me corralled by fear of you – suspecting I’ll survive if SE Portland falls to riots.

But that’s the purpose of the abuse. I don’t give give a rats ass about why. Just what she’s doing.

If you feel like taking care of a task and booting anyone out of the way it’s understandable but you all feel like that. She wants a riot not a militia.

Stay calm, breathe deeply, and write about this. All those anger coping skills you thought you’d recommend to me, take heed. I’ve been here. I understand the fury.

But I’m too sodding tired of arguments and would rather take a nap.

Reactive abuse will drive the unpracticed into oblivion or rage. If you can’t find ways to self soothe and for Fred’s sake stop needling each other and taking a mutual mood out. This will end in sobs

Please trust, having ascended to grandiosity when furious enough, letting it out doesn’t make you feel any better.

Just do something on your own to tire out your cortisol and take a nap.