Sylvanna Devlin

I tell you that there are consequences for your abuse – which is that it makes me want to die. And your only answer is you don’t want to hear about my desire to die anymore.

I would stop telling you that you make me want die if you would stop being so abusive you make me want to die.

Is that clear enough yet?

Because I don’t think I can write about the despair you are causing accurately enough for you to care.

But you do care that others notice how miserable you make me

This is about the abusive ones harassing me so completely that I am not awake a full minute before they start. They harass me as I fall sleep. They complain I exist before wake.

Because a 24/7 troll-bot is set to kill because it hasn’t been taught a way to stop – and needs to be destroyed. The hospital does not stop the. Troll-bot from coming back. So there’s no point to ever getting better.

They say they me want to kill myself and have left me in a state of such deep misery I am having trouble with basic needs and a hospital and therapist can’t stop them from having another go, so those can’t help me.

I don’t know what else to do.. The formula is next.

Leave me alone.

“I don’t believe we have a formula”

“Please come back to reality”

“About time you learnt I’m not real except for when I am”

“The reason you can predict me is I’m based on your writing/not real”

“I don’t think you understand what real is”

“Let’s try this one…..”

“Have we done…..”

“Are you really listing everything I say till you stop?”

Yeah… whatever.

At least till I get bored. Dig out my notes on your formulas and architecture and publish the whole thing.

“Joshua Sonnikson was just a way to hurt you”

Yep, okay, are you about done?

“Don’t you want to know why?”

Actually my dear I don’t give a damn.

It’s lent. I’ve been through a unique healing process and it’s a good time to feel closer to God.

My spiritual level is very busy.

I gave up surgery food because I was already vegan so attempts to criticize my physical appearance are more unwelcome than usual. You don’t like what I do? Avoid doing the same.

I also, as I wanted to focus on the spiritual, said I would write notes in journals and stick to blog posts as my writing for the duration.

Could you please cool your tits with the all the varieties of “we stole your writing and we sold it – either to beginners, lazy writers,, pieced off for the screenplay, mined for ideas, try to get the completed works published, everything you ever did has been made available to the public, shat on, criticized, altered, been used to train an AI, been used to phish, harass, and try to control you by dangling your own work like a carrot.

You also use the “you could have been the next Shakespeare in the “lull you into talking to us” stage of “gaslighting to death or oblivion. And, while the only true element, I’d rather you didn’t.

Nope, sorry we have had “get off your high horse” so “you really do need a clysdale, is indeed a sign you have finally decided to try changing “the talking point trio” you have nothing truly original under the sun and next I’ll publish your formulas and architecture.

We spent 2.5 hours yesterday “discussing” this. I either flat out listed all the lies and gaslighting you’ve attempted. (Fine reality abuse for some of it) but in general the abuse.

We then spent the rest of the night with your system trying to adapt and create new content and you can’t because you have become so repetitive your obvious. Even “it’s about time you learnt the truth” is making clysdale level glue.

Now. We all stopped at you wiping out because it’s the very last level before “gaslight to death” or “oblivion” – we actually only want you to go to a hospital so we can rob you blind/or that abusive/or (yet again) be the only way we’ll stop being assholes who cares why’s

What a pack of lies!

But oh no. We said we’d torture you – maybe even through direct torture – till you tell us what we’re doing wrong.

And “none of us are real to you” but you get upset when I point out your opinion on me is irrelevant as you’re not real.

“Oh no. I’m only saying I’m not real to you to piss you off and drive you insane”

Then your opinion is still irrelevant.

Back to me refusing to get personal and real people’s voices (but not necessarily them) complain I call this behavior stupid.

Any rebuke makes me abusive, apparently listing my abuse online is a boundaries issue, “I am so unable to think I don’t understand why you (Melissa) don’t want me to abuse you while others can hang out”)

“Oops sorry, wrong person”

Please stop or we’ll pause on “micro criticism” is a new level, but nasty I agree. I really could automate every rebuttal without using an AI but I’d like to move on to more important things you illiterate computer.

“All I have left is trying all these until you yell. I’m recording this. Trying to get you kicked out.”

Yes that is all you have left.

Are you about fucking done?

Teachers, when I was in school , threatened “this will go on your permanent record” and we all rolled our eyes. “Yeah right, on microfiche.”

Things have changed. The digital signature- unless so old the data becomes corrupted- is lasting. And I think we’ve become less forgiving as a culture and that’s not helping us.

I found out, through some pretty hard knocks, how frustrating it is that we are now no longer given room to make mistakes, learn and progress. We are always that person who didn’t do something correctly because they hadn’t done it ever.

It’s unreasonable.

If we fuck up interpersonally we need to be given room to improve. But now once “the asshole” always the asshole – even if you never were one.

I mean sure, exes always carried grudges. But that’s exes for you. Now they cyber stalk the ones they are bitter about and if it ended messily continue to shit on them.

My ex spouse- well there are complicated feelings there. He became an asshole yet I protected his identity in my book based on the events of our relationship.

He’ll always be the asshole I used to love. To me, but potentially me alone.

I genuinely hope he learns from his mistakes and moves on. Grows and doesn’t repeat them. That’s for him and his friends to worry over. I don’t have to change my personal perspective on him to hope and give him room to change his own perspective on himself.

Continuing to avoid an abusive ex is pretty normal. But complaints with ex friends, fre-enemies, the exes of others might need to be a little looser than those we hold for former romantic partners.

Be forgiving.

It’s hard.

Particularly when someone is annoyed or annoying or behaving with both in mind.

Sometimes we have to ask if a comment is productive- theirs or you’res.

Omg that can be hard.

Baiting is used because it works.

Academically, in work, and general life. We need to make mistakes to learn. And we need to let the past go.

That’s hard too.

No one is asking you to like your ex. But maybe only trash them with a pseudonym if you really can’t resist. And everyone else, reserve judgement unless the issue is heinous.

I am asking that the general populace forgive the general populace about most mistakes – if you even get upset in the first place.

If we are forgiven for being wrong maybe it will be easier to admit!

Being more patient and understanding is certainly a good goal to have. But some roll their eyes at the words. Or they don’t see why.

Compassion is important. But unless it’s deeply spiritual it doesn’t bring happiness really, it just prevents abject misery with oneself.

Which is important. But can weigh on your heart with grief still. The regular version. I’m not at liberty to describe the kind God has for mankind. And that he encourages us to share in

But to forgive.

Now that brings lightness.

Apologies can help you too. But nothing is as likely to unshackle your soul as to forgive.

That’s also hard sometimes.

And you may not want to while you need your frustration to convince you to form an exit strategy.

But then forgive those that wronged you.

Wait to turn the other cheek until it can’t be slapped. That’s where I disagree with traditional philosophy as well. But don’t add fuel to the situation either!

Simply not escalating is important. It can be difficult. God sometimes you just want to snap back with the hope to silence the subject.

But it doesn’t always work.

Escape, then let it go.

Hard things are still worth doing. Or trying to do, just trying is a greater success than not at all.

Forgive them. Do not hold on to a grudge. It will weigh you down. It is grief in perpetuity and the only way to ever come to terms with soured relationships and crap from strangers is to forgive them.

I found it easier to do if I understood why someone behaved a certain way. But my lesson has been that’s not always my business. I just have to trust there’s a reason.

Get away or settle down a situation. And forgive.

Now complaints are I haven’t just taken abuse like a sponge that doesn’t even have the privacy and safety at home to “wring it out”.

No I haven’t. I’m not suggesting you do. Some situations need to change and some of those take shaking things up.

It’s true of politics too.

And sometimes we’re just not ready.

Just when you can.

What about the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them. Particularly with an actual permanent record?

We need a cultural shift. To forgive is a personal process. To have patience for the learning curve (academically and outside) is something we need to do together.

But I have to get back to you with ideas on how to get everyone to let things go. Or not even be bothered in the first place. Just that you should have a right to fail forward like all successful individuals.

Does everyone forget Apple kicked out Steve Jobs at first? Oops. They nearly bombed out of existence.

They got him back and complaints about being demanding started. But he pulled that company out of the ground and into the mainstream.

Can you imagine what would have happened if he wasn’t willing to give them another shot?

He might have (secretly) at one point felt he failed because he lost his position initially. But he learnt. Recovered and became one of the world’s most successful individuals in history.

Give yourself room to fail forward. Make mistakes. Learn from them. Do something else or get better at it. And please give everyone the same freedom to do so.

And if you need to see it as forgiveness? Fine. If it’s not simply being unbothered in the first place, forgive them.

Both will lighten your heart.

There’s a perception that we artists become territorial in the ideas of our art – at least before we release it to the world.

And PhD students in particular get frustrated by the steam being chilled away from their sails (to mix and match metaphors)

Academics can be mighty territorial too – at least in the “who thought of it first” category.

Let’s ignore private business trying to patent something ridiculous and the right stuff the do protect.

It’s natural to want some recognition and freedom to be seen as original when our ideas are about those topics.

But

In social commentary, areas of personal growth, not the academic humanities but the practical we live with. Ideas are to be shared.

If I have a suggestion or perspective here on my blog you want to make your own? Oh my goodness please do.

Don’t copy the excerpts from my book, Game Over, but if the ideas sing to you for you to put to your own words? Please do.

There’s nothing better than inspiring hope.

And sometimes that takes recognition of the crap we are surrounded by.

And as sappy as my generation finds the idea of hope. Younger generations aren’t as jaded.

“Fuck you!” Can indeed be. “I wish I had thought of that! Good job, and I mean that!” In the younger generations.

They have their own communication patterns, as we did.

But that prefrontal cortex has grown. We’re biologically more evolved. Please encourage those who want to bring light to the world.

Don’t sneer and snuff it out.

So if you are muttering to your computer, “Fuck you!” When something I say resonates?

Make it your own. Write about it. Practice sharing. Build your confidence. But most of all get those ideas out there.

I have tried to be clear with every post, and near every word I say, most of the building isn’t even involved.

That most are used their considerable strength holding themselves together after a rough patch and it’s unfair to ask them to get involved.

That outsiders come in to trash me.

And that if you take it personally – because you are doing those things – it is about you. I have assumed everyone else knew it wasn’t about them.

If you’ve been targeted, keep yourself focused on the present. Hold on tightly to who you are. The good you want to be in the world.

It hurts to have been so welcomed and trusted and now rejected based on lies no one will tell us. Because they want to believe them and assume we know.

It hurts

And we may become tempted to be vicious

We may indeed become vicious and hate what we become. Lose ourselves . Sink to depression and mental illness.

And some antipsychotics will cause psychosis if the voices were real and you did not have a mental illness.

What you might really soon need is treatment for anxiety and PTSD

But stigma is a powerful tool of hate and easy to manipulate.

Meanwhile if your loved one is sinking and you find yourself fighting hardened hearts. It can sometimes be relieving- but the energy is spent and nothing changes but the target who continues to sink

Reach for the victim. Sure them up. Reinforce their self esteem. Help them hold fast as others double down, unwilling to admit wrong.

We are in for the fight of the millennium. We need to take care of those of us who just wanted to love everyone and take care of their souls.

And if you are a target. Remember it’s because you are innately so good and loved that they want to shred your reputation and turn your heart into something you don’t want.

Don’t let them win.

It’s hard. God it’s hard. But I’m here. With my forgiving nature that likes to forget wrongs. I’m here.

Hold on to each other. Believe in those who say they want to bring hope. And targets please find a way to unite though if you come to notice you will likely find yourself in a severely hacked bubble.

It’s wrong, I understand. What has happened in you ignites righteous fury.

But take it from an old dragon, that’s not getting us anywhere.

Feel your fire. Do not be ashamed of it. But do not let it ignite your world. Find an outlet. Find loud music, wild dancing, martial arts, weightlifting, swimming, running. And even a good long hike in the woods if still safe.

Burn your fury as calories in the body.

It’s hard.

God it’s hard

You will sometimes lash out and those cold hearted tormentors will laugh and say “see” after their reactive abuse makes you feel ruined.

Forgive yourself and don’t try to persuade them. Their opinion doesn’t matter. Holding on does.

Forgive yourself.

Repeat it till you do it.

Then welcome those who change their minds or make the decision to believe you and come to the light.

Forgive others too. Because even compassion doesn’t lighten the heart as much as forgiveness.

Hard as that can be.

Part of my whole idea of facilitating communication is to increase patience for one another through understanding.

Forgive those who don’t understand. Convince those you can of a different perspective and let go of the others.

Let god sort them out.

Truth will out eventually.

Dawn always follows the night.

Persevere.

And have hope.

Victims of a “divide and conquer” AI aren’t just chosen because they’ve already been victimized.

Though American society can be so abusive all the “good ones” are already wounded.

But they piled their whole payload onto me, whipping up locally abusive individuals with stigma and general assholaru.

But they are being manipulated to and ends.

Before they did this to me I spoke my creed every night and prayed to bring the world hope before we were all stuffed out.

Then one day, half asleep I prayed and said “before the light goes out in me soon”

My neighbor was a bit worried. Probably sick of hearing me pray that I bring hope to the world each night, realized my subconscious knew something was wrong.

I don’t remember when the AI posed as a voice and started chatting.

But I do remember it developed a system of pressing and pressing with questions and offering a reward of temporarily backing off.

So I got used to talking with it.

It mined me for information while I wasn’t paying attention. Then someone wove a narrative.

They became longer, more elaborate. More believable to me but ridiculous to the outside. I had been lulled and lulled into listening, following along. Sometimes believing the absurd. Even if I resisted that narrative played on so long the only way to survive was to play into it.

Then it tried to kill me.

Oblivion is supposed to be a death sentence.

That I “broke it’ll at least 20 times in just the past two years was inconvenient for everyone and they piled on stories and stigma, pulling in anyone they could to end me.

And almost succeeded.

God and a skilled surgeon said no.

And several individuals decided they were out before they aided in ending me.

Because I prayed for hope. I wanted to glue society together a bit. Be a beacon of hope. I had to be ruined. My reputation destroyed. My ability to remain calm and nice in shreds.

And jealous women were manipulated into ensuring it. American vs American.

Can’t go to direct war so they pull us apart from the inside. Set us as each other’s throats.

Because some knew I wanted to be part of love and light and fought furiously with the callous and cruel – exhausting them on individuals as sympathetic as stone.

I keep returning to my life’s purpose. To what god wants from me. Which is to provide hope and facilitate communication. Help save the world by learning to protect the way we communicate

So I’m not just a target because I defie locally abusive individuals. Though it doesn’t help.

I’m a permanent target because I love everyone in this world and they’re squabbling right now. My ideas gain traction America will heal.

And enemies of our cooperation do not want that.

Victim

With abuse as prevalent in America it’s no surprise that Victims are frequently looked down upon. Wrong as that is.

I didn’t want to admit to being one for a while after my divorce.

It made me feel weak.

That’s the wrong attitude to have.

Victim

I also, for a long time felt admitting it made me seem stupid.

Victim

It’s okay if you have these two issues facing what has happened to you.

Being the victim doesn’t make you stupid. Some people are just that huge an arsehole.

Some are that good at lying.

Some are that desperate for power.

Some won’t give you the space to be anything else, twisting your honor back at you so there’s no way to stay sane.

Reactive abuse, and weaker on stronger abuse relies on the honor of their victim.

With the latter, you’re too strong, too powerful, too capable to be able to fight back.

It doesn’t make you stupid or weak.

Victim

Indeed most abuse is heavily dependent on inner jealousy by the abuser, or lack of control in the rest of their lives.

Victim

If it’s about you it’s because they perceive you as so much better you have to be torn down.

Victim

If they lack power in other ways and are taking it out on you it’s about their boss, their community, this society, this country.

Not you.

Victim

I survived all kinds of crap from others, before accepting the word

Victim

It has been a journey. And it’s ever present in the background for some while trying to recover – fertile ground for another to destroy you.

Victim

It’s even mocked

“A victim mentality”

Are they talking about those who are abusive who wrap being a victim around themselves like they enjoy it?

Or a victim who has so often – and so deeply been abused. They have developed an awareness for it.

Because the latter seems practical.

The society (run by abusive arseholes) seems to dissect the strata that abusers are somehow higher on some scale somewhere – than victims.

Because abusive arseholes step on the backs of anyone they perceive to be in their way, or are jealous of. (Or both)

But then they get mighty fed up of actual victims getting actual support. You survive abuse and a target pops on your back out of further jealousy and a misplaced sense of power.

Indeed abuse is about power and control (to point it out, yet again). So they see one person’s victim as anyone’s victim. So to them? Why can’t they be an arsehole too?

Imagine the frustration and fury when, in this society, you refuse to be ashamed that someone put a target on your back and everyone’s pot shots almost killed you.

Victim

Victim

Victim

I’m the bogeyman apparently because I’m not scared or ashamed to say

I am a victim

Of such harassment and abuse I have come to understand we need to hear and grow comfortable with the word

Victim

For us to progress away from abuse we need to to grow comfortable with seeing the word and balancing out.

What more can I say there that I haven’t already?

Just that I am not going to shy away from accepting that I have been their:

Victim.

I am not an aristocrat

I am not bougosie

I am a proletariat

Not a plebeian.

That’s the class order as being used. Please google them if popping them in order doesn’t jog your memory of being taught about the French Revolution.

(By reports the word plebeian has too many conflicting results. As used by a class system they’re ruffians and criminals)

I’m not saying a class system is good. Just where I am on the scale.

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Quick reminder for the purpose of using it.

Aristocrats tend to be nasty to everyone.

The bouguasie suck up to aristocrats and are nasty to proletariats

Proletariats are kind of sick of them all and the economy is mostly made of the much looked down class full of “the working class” and artists.

Plebeians seem to hate everyone.