Sylvanna Devlin

I have a lot of philosophical posts to write. Hopefully that’s better than the excitement of last week!

I kind of wrote myself into mental fatigue so for now. Here’s a picture of Tabitha.

If your vision got blurry and your forehead began to feel pressure – or worse you experienced a white triangle and now suddenly feel better than ever?

You are in a vulnerable situation.

Protect yourself from sound.

Get some sleep once it all settles down to fully recover. Do not sleep when you are close to what Scientology calls “getting clear”

It’s not your choice to have sound assault your brain. It is damaging to your psyche and could lead to suicide.

Eat

Omega 3 at least and 6 would be best

Zinc

Fast glucose of some kind orange juice or the like.

Any source or cholesterol you can. – your brain is sentient fat.

Slower carbohydrates

Do not take benedryl, or any mentally slowing medicine. Alcohol is out too.

If you are anxious, lent aside, the right sugar fat salt fat combination has a dopamine affect on the brain

Shortbread is good

God will understand.

So far I only know two.

Your vision gets blurry.

You might have pressure in your forehead.

I am not certain who you heard today. But I suspect it wasn’t me.

If you are all quite done making noise about whatever noise you heard.

The rest of us are trying to relax

There’s obviously a lot of confusion about the internal affairs of a cult. By nature of what they are secrecy is often involved.

What is best to understand that just like others on the outside, some people really do think they are helping- but are doing so in such a maladaptive way more harm is done than good and anyone outside any form of group often has trouble understanding the goings on and pass judgement.

Cult members have usually been through the same trauma together- which is the cult. It is toxic, yes. But it creates glue and changes what a member views as rational when it comes to what helps and hurts.

It might be just my clever cat. But she loves the UV light I have.

I asked if she wanted me to “turn on a sunbeam”.

Turned my little bedside lamp on.

She came right over.

And boy is she purring!

Once you’ve found a group that loves each other – even if it’s as a large family prone to arguments, it’s hard to be anywhere else.

This world, this country, is particularly scary. And those wounded by the world cling to each other.

But some manipulative leaders create wounds.

Look at the way Trump manipulated a “make America great again” generation into being. If he didn’t have wounds he created them.

He’s still creating them. And he’ll sell himself as the solution.

Cults and close small spiritual- or close to spiritual groups can indeed give a sense of safety.

But quite often that sense is artificial. She has to keep hurting you and keep convincing you the outer world is worse.

You’re getting scared. I get it. That love we feel is real and this argumentative and broken culture is sometimes one we want to draw back from.

And Americans object to criticism even if they would otherwise agree that there’s certainly something wrong.

But maybe it’s the teacup example and not as much broken as a little dysfunctional – if wording is the issue.

Our teacup only has so much room and we’re spilling over – not in land. But putting up with irritations to the point we’re just irritating each other further. Because there’s only so much tea we can handle.

We have to do something for sure.

“Don’t like it, move!” Is the American motto.

Actually I love it here, enough to want to help it.

Working together seems impossible and it will certainly take some convincing. But you can’t force the issue.

You love each other partially because you have all been wounded in the same way and feel no outsider will understand.

It’s scary out here. I get it.. But you’re never going to truly heal or attain your goals within a group that uses abuse to control you.

Do you remember your own goals?

And you do, secretly, think there’s something wrong. But that’s easy to blame on “outsiders”.

Look I don’t want to tell you it’s easy out here. I want to let you know I understand and I love you and your love for each other is real. But your environment is hurting you.

Recovering from disbanding is painful and confusing, I understand. Like a mutual break-up that hurts. You still love each other but you’re not good together.

You will pull through.

But the best way is one I’m still seeking. Find a healthier community. I know it sounds obvious to outsiders but it sounds impossible from the inside. But it’s not.

I’m not going to kid, God is real. So any love oriented church is a good place for your soul to heal.

Find a group to join that is healthier and aligns with your interests.

A book club

A spiritual but not denominational meet-up. There’s even a website for it.

There’s an awesome Linux community in Sonoma. Probably elsewhere.

Just lick your wounds for a while, try things till you find what interests you most. Then join that community.

It’s okay if you’re so lost you feel you don’t remember your interests. They may have changed anyway- suppressed as you’ve been.

As a side note in the Bay Area there is San Francisco cafe for the kink and queer community. And they are so awesome. And welcoming to curious beginners.

A lot of people say safe, healthy kink is therapeutic.

Barring that. I hear writers groups can be good.

Without delving into the well-documented theories on cult leaders (charismatic and enigmatic – magnetic sometimes) We probably have a cult problem on our hands.

Suicide cults aside, a promise to “fix” or “control” America is likely to come from the inside.

Look at my article on normalized abuse in America. Some of us really do have to suppress saying, “what the fuck is wrong with you” and the feeling is mutual.

We’re all creative and free thinking, or “step in line” or other dichotomies. We argue. God do we argue. We’re legendary for it.

And some of us are getting pretty fed up.

But we can learn to disagree respectfully on issues that don’t involve atrocities and don’t blame nastiness on stupidity.

I’ve thought about this a lot. Others have tried to persuade me my problems are stupid people.

No my problems are with pliable individuals and the manipulative others who are trying to control them or failing that destroy them.

Pliable can be good. But we have a mountain range of thinking styles. And some are harder for others to relate to. But while I can understand a piston I couldn’t fix one.

That takes more hands on object orientation thinking.

Oh boy do I have a list of thinking styles I’ve noticed.

We’re all exhausted and some don’t think and are too stubborn or suspicious of others to let them do the thinking for them.

I usually don’t mind.

Unless a cult leader wants my work to have promised secrets revealed.

She spends her time plotting methods of…

Control

As her vision of a way to fix society.

Let me repeat.

You are all a bunch of argumentative pains in the asses and I love you, but this society is hard to…

Control

And there’s no faster way to directly control the potentially hot tempered than reactive abuse. If you’re not on fire mentally before hand reactive abuse will make it so.

Reactive abuse is about…

Control.

This is all a way to try to get an unruly populace under.

Control.

And Portland is fertile testing ground for a troubled argumentative spot that is struggling with a massive division between those who vote blue and other.

Control, control control.

Because we scare some people with how we all want to control our own lives our way. And they think theirs is better

There’s one other way sound can be weaponized – well several. But in the instance of 24/7 gaslighting and cognitive abuse as described.

Exhausted and finally sleeping you are most vulnerable to sleep disturbances like sleep eating and sleep walking.

Which means the power of suggestion is more likely to succeed as any other time.

I’ve woken up in front of my pills, confused. Wondering how that happened. I was supposed to kill myself with my Wellbutrin.

The pharmacist became a little concerned about extras after I woke everyone up to lock their pills up.

You might go to sleep avoiding suicidal feelings, or trying to sleep them off. But about 3-4 am you could wake to the suggestion or not wake at all.

My cat makes sure to create a racket at that time every night. And I’ve been so annoyed but patient because I love her. But I suspect she knows full well what suicide is and hears something to wake me from.

The cognitive abuse ahead of time was intense, however. So I’m not certain if exhaustion on its own makes one as vulnerable to the power of subconscious suggestion.

Sounds like science fiction doesn’t it?

But now, after everything you’ve experienced. Is it really that far fetched?

Also

Be careful of events that feel like a forced attempt to “get clear”. And commit suicide.

You can’t avoid an attempt on the mind being likely to succeed. As far as the “getting clear” aspect goes.

I do not know if you can convince others of suicide at the same time.

But an attempt on part of my current city was just made.

And, as for the need to interrupt the process with distractions.

Concentration is likely shot. But we’re all then usually in the mood for an argument even if we’re not mad and don’t want to be.

When we really need to avoid listening – even on a subconscious level – a game like zonmondo (would you rather) would be perfect.

You can argue endlessly and not care about the results.

I can’t help wondering if something like IRC can’t be resurrected from obscurity and used to create two person chat rooms so you can play with strangers if you wanted.

Don’t forget to interrupt the troll-bots!

And be careful of suggestions that crash your mood and make you suicidal. The hospital isn’t her only endgame.

Once you’ve been depressed it’s easier to experience depression again.

I can’t think of a “better” way to demoralize and discredit a large number of people at once. Potentially making them pliable and more manipulable

I tried describing this before to some avail but not enough.

They hook your interest with a lie, a curious narrative about someone you know. Then the lies shift and change. You might reply and they change and adapt. But after about two hours you don’t know anything anymore. Who is accused of what (unless egregious) And then, what was the defense. Who argued what. What was the truth (none of it)

Some they finally draw out until, just kidding, that’s not real but this story is, until oh wait no it’s this one with elements to the first, hang on that’s not true either but the first and one before had this part in it and really it was…

Twenty-four hour of this, with enough background sound to overload all senses with such cognitive abuse you can’t move, feed yourself, drink water, and end up drooling is one possibility.

Suicide is another.

You just want reality again and don’t know how to get it back.

That doesn’t work they try for longer narratives but the same idea for 72 hours.

That doesn’t work they go on an ever changing but semi consistent long whiz over 92 hours until suddenly “wait none of that is true”

You can say you won’t believe anything you hear from some unknown source.

But you will.

Until you don’t know what to believe anymore.

Another addendum?

It may be a loved one. It may be someone crafted to have fame for a few blown up events that while important are said to have prevented worldwide collapse. And those acts could have impacted quite a few. But suspiciously happened around the same problem solver each time.

This is there end game. I’m marginally famous for no other reason than marginal fame. But I’m argued about constantly so I’m in everyone’s mind when “the juicey bits come out”

I’m your favorite scapegoat, punching bag, and angel of mercy

And we all, myself included, have been played. But what choice did I have but to diagnose problems?

Guess that will be argued about next.

Be careful of who and what you disagree on endlessly. Reality abuse and being gaslighted to oblivion are round the corner