Sylvanna Devlin

Induced paranoia is still paranoia. But sometimes what induces them might not be in the regular world at the present.

It could be from the past triggered in the present – like mine. But I would argue those who are paranoid for “psychiatric” reasons. Probably are reasonable in context.

Absolutely do not “snap your fingers” or snipe with “Come back to reality”. You’re making the situation worse!

As a curiously relevant side note.

An Ai trained with my writing can indeed mimic me. But it’s based on my digital life since my first computer. When I was in 6th grade.

If an AI can write as well as an expert and her different literary voices (as mine changes per book) I am apparently bigger than Shakespeare in adding to our language.

Quite the statement. Sounds like we could do with delving into the idea of self preservation under duress.

You need an ego. And you need a strong one to be successful. When someone says “to get over yourself” what are they really trying to accomplish?

Whatever

I have books to write. It’s in my soul. My identity. My everything. My past is only survivable as a writer. And a dig crushes my desire to live, my method of coping. My desire to communicate at all anymore. Hurling abuse about an Ai trained with stolen work can destroy me in a second.

“Haha to you too, bitch”

(She thinks ruining someone she never met is funny)

Anyway the point of the side note on a side note. It doesn’t reflect well on the asshole tearing you down instead of building you up and everyone (including laughing girl) knows how to skewer me into a suicidal sense of despair.

This is why I thought they were trying to kill me. Some of us feel they’re ruining my sense of humor as well.

My other coping method.

As an example of triggered or induced paranoia, it works. And when I say anything at all several someones here chime in. If it’s positive I’m attacked.

I can’t survive this.

And it’s making me paranoid.

If it’s a google play used to harass me – and maybe listen in. I don’t know about that but it seems likely – then “hey google, tell everyone to fuck off”.

Because that’s how you’re opening a channel to me. Something like a google play can easily be asked to do a task and you can open a channel with a simple command.

It doesn’t cover an explanation for the existence of the website you’re probably organizing through. Or why you know me – think it’s okay to do this to a person. Maybe why you’re so organized as far as who you’re targeting.

It also doesn’t cover the hacking and identity theft. Terrorism. Or reason the equipment is there.

It does explain why every asshole has to add their tupance in causing a cumulative effect of World wide Abuse!

Word is, I now only have a building with bullshit from some, and normal people trying to just ignore the high school type drama. Because the main target is no longer me.

Hold on whomever you are. Hold tight. You can survive this. I’ll remember that if you do, okay?

As for me swearing about a whole lot of people at once- sorry. Some people in this building have been very kind.

But some of the others do seem to take up all the air! (Waves)

To be serious for a moment, I am sorry my frustrations with the few spilled onto the many.

I’m not sure I’ve mentioned the full capacity of the audio equipment to harass me and potentially the whole building.

It’s probably fairly simple. A lot of google plays piggy backed on the internet of the affected individuals.

That might be why kicking someone off my internet forced a good third of the potential google plays to stop

It would possibly be missed as a problem. They aren’t considered speakers but sure can act as one.

It would also explain why anyone hooked into my phone is currently being blasted by big band music.

Maybe they should log out.

Now the high pitched whine can be too much counter sound still filling and vibrating the ear drum.

Counter sound is pressure as the same frequency to block the information carried everywhere in waves

Some of us can hear it. No idea if it can be used to do the other kind of torture currently being attempted on me. – well it was till I slept for about 24 hours with some interruptions.

Apparently I was talking in my sleep. I would wake up to a sentence said out loud.

Mutter grumble, maybe eat a packet of crisps.

Back to the fitful dreams.

Ones hopefully not being fucked with. But that may be why I’ve been getting better rest during the day!

Too much of that and one becomes a mess!

That’s why dream manipulation, while real, is frowned upon. Particularly without consent. A little nudge here and there, or full guiding tends to piss off the subconscious. Lack of REM?

Fuck look it up!

It also might be the source of the attempts at tone torture. A single loud hum. One impossible to ignore and dangerous to the ears and listener!

The “right” ones can cause seizures- also in pets. They might feel like needles in the brain sometimes entering like a pitch fork.

That sound bothering you is real, so is the headache it’s causing.

Now I had agreed to back off and follow a few terms to be left alone. But they didn’t stick to that agreement.

So the rules are out and I’ll do what I like!

Seems fair.

This might be part of the problem.

Trying to claim my writing is written by AI because you use one and mutter suggestions?

Stop. This is really me and my writing.

I had to blast loud music to write it!

This is entirely my work

It was all supposed to settle down.

Don’t go after the person tracking your every patten.

But someone has soundbites from previous conversations.

Some hurtful. Some controlling. Some the same old same old.

I will be counting.

When I was in middle school a computer couldn’t recognize faces. Now I use mine to unlock my phone. So what seemed impossible for a. computer to track is likely something it can indeed do – with the right mathematics

People have patterns, and patterns of patterns. Their vocal styles in the terms of vocabulary level, cadence, inflection, and decibel range. I would say rhythm but a metronome could fix that!

Filters were supposed to mask it a little. But get a sample of each and you can mathematically tear them apart. Computers are no doubt going good at mimicking what the ear can already do.

Whether understanding of mathematics is there is irrelevant with the right software because it doesn’t just require teasing them apart by scanning each voice suspected to be involved. Then looking for patterns to align. Particularly when those who are trying to disguise their voices have favorites!

Of course this courses a glut of data that needs a little sorting and curiosity to pull together and become information. Then if we understand that information we can – again as the human mind, turn it into knowledge.

But these days we have patterns of patterns and after a while we have to treat what we know as data if we need to get a meta level understanding of use.

Patterns of patterns.

I’m particularly interested in the branch of mathematics involved in the basis, but I suspect the patterns of patterns issue will eventually (if not already) branch off into a focus on sorting data per use.

Mathematicians interested in helping a particular field would be more likely to be able to choose a branch of this field if they know where they’re going with it.

That’s why some people can really move on to applied mathematics and others are more interested in theory and remaining part of academia.

I haven’t yet decided where to take my mathematical instinct (except my arse and shove it – which would be my neighbors preference) but I do have to have some mathematical grounding to get a job pointing out patterns.

But disabled, with bipolar and severe PSTD, shat on, bullied, stolen from, ruined I can see why some think they have buried me.

No my lovelies. I got bored of you adding to my PTSD and am now watching you until funding comes up to return to school. You have so far burnt every trick on me.

And so far I’ve had one meh, interrupted suicide attempt. One severe I actually died and came back attempt. And a few heart attacks. Maybe even a stroke.

We’ll see if I live long enough to track all you do with official mathematics with an instinct so strong I figured out modern set theory after having not really worked with the subject since 1995.

Checkmate is an interesting affectation you developed. So are all the other so called ways to stop you vs take time before upping the level

Let’s hope I can just go abstract from now on. Okay?

So… I’m about 75lbs overweight. My fat will help me shrink. As the number of cells we have is entirely static. But boy can they swell.

If your mother or grandmother went through a period of hunger – you’re going to be born chubby. If your genes say “hey, we need coverage.” The number of cells are set.

That much I learned in middle school.

Those precious (not so little in my case) cells are part of an organ trying to keep us warm and energetic enough to survive.

But it can send the signal (leptin) that “hey we’re plenty big, could we eat less and burn more?

But leptin doesn’t communicate that if it’s blocked by insulin. We know how we get spikes of that! Sugar binges are easy to fall into and bad for your leptin!

Now I’m addicted to sugar. Which is difficult because it’s in everything and we need some to survive. Our brains run on glucose. Our muscle stores glycogen they make from glucose. We need sugar – or at least carbs that convert nicely into it.

That’s where the glycemic load comes in. Not the index, screw that one. Carrots have a high index but good luck eating enough of those to worry! No glycemic load is where it’s at.

I understand what to do. I know how to eat healthy. And I know if I cut the sugar weight loss is natural.

And I used to cut it to under 100g a day preferably no more than 50g. My body knew what to do.

But addictions are chemical and your brain likes its easy access glucose. There’s probably some serotonin crap with sugar because I vaguely remember dopamine is too brief to settle in. I don’t remember.

Both are involved for sure. Shortbread has the perfect sugar, fat, carb ratio to have an effect on your dopamine so strong it could be considered an opioid-like effect.

But a lot safer on your joints!

Which might be why some of us suffering from Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and fibromyalgia find ourselves a bit tubby! Painkillers are dangerous and pain will drive you up the wall and down again. Never mind “other” factors.

At some point our weight is too much for our joints. And I’m sorry (not really), we’re supposed to feel fat and fabulous. But I don’t. Maybe fat. Maybe fabulous in the way used in the queer community. But while my body has been kind with distribution, my joints are still mad!

And the mirror is only my friend if I’m not naked. And from certain angles.

But emotional eating got me so far and medication added another 60. I kept getting my emotional eating under control with copious amounts of Diet Coke. But I’m out. And the extra 60 were while homeless and barely able to afford to eat, so yeah. Medication is not an excuse it’s a reason.

Sugar was in the last month or so. And now it’s out. I want to lose weight and I want to avoid diabetes. But my brain is mad!

I’m hungry beyond belief because what it wants is easy sweets. The only thing I remember curbing that appetite was a shit tonne of protein. No idea why. But it’s still cranky pants time for the next five days (seven if it’s bad) and the insatiable need for food for 1-3 days depending on depth of succumbing to temptation. I don’t remember how long I’ll be foggy headed and it’s also a symptom of fibromyalgia. It was too long ago before developing it to remember and that’s because I hadn’t done this since 2014! I’m also going to be shaking and shivering a little but no more so than when I eat too much salt.

Food oriented shakes and shivers suck but I don’t have the experience to know how similar that is to hard drugs. So please, if sugar is this bad? Back off those trying to kick something severe.

It’s a good thing I live on my own!

It’s vital to kick sugar down a notch. Dr Lustig wrote, “Fat Chance” which gave me most of my understanding of that persnickety organ we need but hate.

It loves us, trying to do its job. Love it and lose it by being friends and drop the microwave diet food. They’re tasty but made by the same company that makes junk food. They don’t actually want you to lose weight.

I forgot where I read that, but read that label. Fat is where the flavor is (says the vegan). I think I learned that from Dr Perlmutters book, “Grain Brain.”

The knowledge of glycogen and exercise comes from Dr Rob Thompson.

I highly recommend those three books to cover all you need because this is not medical advice. More a warning that when you quit the sugar your appetite will spike and your mood will plummet. I mean sure, you thought you’d be a bit moody.

No. I mean fucking irritable as fuck for the adjustment duration. It’s not your imagination. Don’t get gaslighted out of the truth.

Kicking sugary foods to the curb is necessary, but initially sucks like all hell.

The good news is fruit will taste better and you will become much more sensitive to sweetness and thus enjoy different foods.

You might feel canned pasta is revolting, but the real stuff is delicious. Just keep it in moderation – which you can if you’re keeping the sugar low.

Dr. Lustig suggests nothing but occasional fruit and maybe, if you have to, desert once a week. It’s not ideal. Less to nothing would be better. But he eased up in his second book, “The Fat Chance Cookbook”.

And that’s it and why you might be tempted to ask if it’s that time of the month. (Not a myth, but doesn’t diminish the legitimacy of objections)

Sorry, my sugar-free sweet self will try to return, depending on if the dragon in me can take a nap. We’ll see if the reactive abuse lets up!

We can live in hope.

If you are so unlucky as to have someone screw with your subconscious for the “LOL”s – or maybe something like whining “I don’t want to live next to you because you’re mentally ill”

Thank you for audibly spying on me, building-mate I heard your voice trying to autofill my words and I’m done with all of you.

Of course I sound paranoid. I’m the target of a game of harassment and mutilation that is fatal. It does not stop if someone goes to the hospital- it follows you there.

That’s if you’re not there from an attempt. Which could be fatal.

Some will gleefully admit its to drive you to suicide. But most are going to use gamification of psychological torment based on what happened to me in Petaluma.

It’s gaslighting galore around here thanks to the world wide war of words. I don’t believe a word of any of it anymore. What isn’t a baiting attempt used out of context but based on my past – using an AI trained with my words. My writing my iteration after iteration.

So let me again remind you the United States Intelligence service have permission to use my full ongoing digital signature to stop them.

I give them discretionary permission to share what is needed with other intelligence services in allied countries.

Don’t fuck with dreams. They become nightmares.

Some are aware of the dangerous situation I’m in. Again being pushed and barbed and lied to and gaslighted – no need for baiting, she just wants my fury.

Because with my PTSD that means my death. I would rather die than feel this ever again and she knows it.

Only German has the right swear words.

But I discovered something interesting.

It’s not medical advice – though you may want to ask your doctor about it

If I use a small ice pack on the base of my skull where the amygdala is. I can calm down.

Someone suggested adding another to cool my neck.

By god it works.

I theorize slowing the blood reduces Iflammation and slows down stress hormones like cortisol.

I don’t actually know.

I just know it works.

Again, not medical advice. Just that it’s interesting.

To cool your temper, cool your amygdala.

Then distract yourself!

Everyone says to pick a book and stick to that.

Fuck that noise.

Sometimes you just can’t focus on the level. Be it refined, kinda there, well it’s written, hey I have these ideas and dialogue, hey I have this concept.

So you swap around at the level you can concentrate on.

That’s how I got fast.

That and 30+ years of hard work.

A good book involves a lot more than slinging sentences together.

Don’t forget what you learnt in high school English but go beyond it.

Good writing is difficult to do!

Without the extra padding of the story of how I figured this out.

Brush off anyone who says plot wasn’t at least difficult to learn.

Brush off the simplicity of the basis. Because even compelling true stories have it. And you might even think, “I could have told you that”

Could you have then please?

Maybe writing classes are better now. But I learnt the hard way.

Over and over, changes, ripping scenes in and out, my voice changes per book and I had to get used to that because that’s my meta voice.

God I wish someone had just pointed this out to me. I think I finally found its inspiration in a book about NaNoWriMo which I don’t participate in but learnt to appreciate.

Anything to solve “bum in chair” syndrome. (I forget which famous author that was, either Bruce Holland Rogers, or Stephen King)

You don’t get anywhere without guidance – even if it’s from other authors, indeed particularly from the good ones!

(Teel James Glenn pointed out fights hurt. I could then write a really good scene focusing on that element)

Delve into your characters – make a volcano one of your characters with a fiery personality (not sorry but should be).

Here we go

Each character wants

X

N

Gets in the way.

Character challenges, changes, somehow gets through N

Changed might get

X

But character might end up with

Y

Maybe they decide it’s better. Maybe they don’t

X fights N and get x or y

Repeat and complicate.