All forms of abuse crosses boundaries. They’re key to psychological wellbeing. It also revels a level of disrespect it can at minimum generate constant anxiety and at the worst, entirely suppress personality.
Boundaries define our interaction with the world. And thus differs in different cultures. Most are familiar with the different train rides in Tokyo vs The Bay Area (California, USA)
The idea of personal space is easy to recognize in the physical world but also a good way to describe our need for mental privacy and room to exist.
Ignoring them can be as dangerous as trying to continue on the other side of a locked door, or more subtle.
“Leave me alone”
Subtle enough for you?
Reactive abuse is sneaky. A semi-innocuous phrase that wound but others don’t know why.
Some even abuse the very word “Boundary” to inflict abuse and deny response.
It can affect you emotionally, and affect your ability to communicate what’s happening, as well as other forms of cognitive abuse.
As a note, trying to force communication is the same so psychologists need to know when to back off, and others need to respect hiding in the bathroom to cry.
Usually you would learn them as subconscious “rules” on what to say, how to act, even how to perceive the world. But some either don’t want to acknowledge them, grow up with them, understand what they are, or they change.
It shouldn’t be too hard to recognize respect, treat others with it, expect some for yourself, have some for yourself, and in general all of you stop this school ground behavior of treating everyone so casually, you’re rude.
I don’t want to get groceries and deal with forty year old teenagers sparring with words.
So right now I don’t go out.
I am fed up on my privacy being invaded and disrespectful bullshit slung my way, and whining when I sling some back.
It’s true, I could stand to be more respectful with disrespectful assholes. But it is difficult not to reply with the same venom spat at me.
I’ve tried pushing back abusers every way – including ignoring them. Sometimes it’s not possible. But worth a try anyway.
I would like to go back to being the village sweetheart but the reaction around here is “No one believes that of you anymore.”
It hurts
God it hurts
And they think the village sweetheart means punching bag.
That hurts too.
So how do I enforce my boundaries when I can’t even walk away?
I don’t know. If I survive their disrespectful abuse I’ll say how.
And unless you’re on the equivalent of a trained cardiac surgeon trying a brand new theory on someone who would die anyway. Fucking don’t.
I was mutilated during that coma. My genitalia undergoing horrific changes. It hurts to masturbate even when the rest of the signals are positive. It’s an unpleasant mix. I’m not a masochist. But sexual health is important to maintain even if facing the sex life of a nun!
So unconsentual dream manipulation is still without consent, and I would say no, even if your intentions were kind. I would still say no.
I am not a toy to experiment on.
And I’m tired of my PTSD nightmares getting worse and my sleep being interrupted by a fucked with subconscious.
I need my dreams to sort the day and no amount of torture with pressure waves directly affecting the brain changes that.
I am not your toy.
I am not your toy.
I am not you toy.
Are we clear? Or do I need to also write a definition of Consent because the dictionary is too hard?
Induced paranoia is still paranoia. But sometimes what induces them might not be in the regular world at the present.
It could be from the past triggered in the present – like mine. But I would argue those who are paranoid for “psychiatric” reasons. Probably are reasonable in context.
Absolutely do not “snap your fingers” or snipe with “Come back to reality”. You’re making the situation worse!
As a curiously relevant side note.
An Ai trained with my writing can indeed mimic me. But it’s based on my digital life since my first computer. When I was in 6th grade.
If an AI can write as well as an expert and her different literary voices (as mine changes per book) I am apparently bigger than Shakespeare in adding to our language.
Quite the statement. Sounds like we could do with delving into the idea of self preservation under duress.
You need an ego. And you need a strong one to be successful. When someone says “to get over yourself” what are they really trying to accomplish?
Whatever
I have books to write. It’s in my soul. My identity. My everything. My past is only survivable as a writer. And a dig crushes my desire to live, my method of coping. My desire to communicate at all anymore. Hurling abuse about an Ai trained with stolen work can destroy me in a second.
“Haha to you too, bitch”
(She thinks ruining someone she never met is funny)
Anyway the point of the side note on a side note. It doesn’t reflect well on the asshole tearing you down instead of building you up and everyone (including laughing girl) knows how to skewer me into a suicidal sense of despair.
This is why I thought they were trying to kill me. Some of us feel they’re ruining my sense of humor as well.
My other coping method.
As an example of triggered or induced paranoia, it works. And when I say anything at all several someones here chime in. If it’s positive I’m attacked.
If it’s a google play used to harass me – and maybe listen in. I don’t know about that but it seems likely – then “hey google, tell everyone to fuck off”.
Because that’s how you’re opening a channel to me. Something like a google play can easily be asked to do a task and you can open a channel with a simple command.
It doesn’t cover an explanation for the existence of the website you’re probably organizing through. Or why you know me – think it’s okay to do this to a person. Maybe why you’re so organized as far as who you’re targeting.
It also doesn’t cover the hacking and identity theft. Terrorism. Or reason the equipment is there.
It does explain why every asshole has to add their tupance in causing a cumulative effect of World wide Abuse!
Word is, I now only have a building with bullshit from some, and normal people trying to just ignore the high school type drama. Because the main target is no longer me.
Hold on whomever you are. Hold tight. You can survive this. I’ll remember that if you do, okay?
As for me swearing about a whole lot of people at once- sorry. Some people in this building have been very kind.
But some of the others do seem to take up all the air! (Waves)
To be serious for a moment, I am sorry my frustrations with the few spilled onto the many.
I’m not sure I’ve mentioned the full capacity of the audio equipment to harass me and potentially the whole building.
It’s probably fairly simple. A lot of google plays piggy backed on the internet of the affected individuals.
That might be why kicking someone off my internet forced a good third of the potential google plays to stop
It would possibly be missed as a problem. They aren’t considered speakers but sure can act as one.
It would also explain why anyone hooked into my phone is currently being blasted by big band music.
Maybe they should log out.
Now the high pitched whine can be too much counter sound still filling and vibrating the ear drum.
Counter sound is pressure as the same frequency to block the information carried everywhere in waves
Some of us can hear it. No idea if it can be used to do the other kind of torture currently being attempted on me. – well it was till I slept for about 24 hours with some interruptions.
Apparently I was talking in my sleep. I would wake up to a sentence said out loud.
Mutter grumble, maybe eat a packet of crisps.
Back to the fitful dreams.
Ones hopefully not being fucked with. But that may be why I’ve been getting better rest during the day!
Too much of that and one becomes a mess!
That’s why dream manipulation, while real, is frowned upon. Particularly without consent. A little nudge here and there, or full guiding tends to piss off the subconscious. Lack of REM?
Fuck look it up!
It also might be the source of the attempts at tone torture. A single loud hum. One impossible to ignore and dangerous to the ears and listener!
The “right” ones can cause seizures- also in pets. They might feel like needles in the brain sometimes entering like a pitch fork.
That sound bothering you is real, so is the headache it’s causing.
Now I had agreed to back off and follow a few terms to be left alone. But they didn’t stick to that agreement.
So the rules are out and I’ll do what I like!
Seems fair.
This might be part of the problem.
Trying to claim my writing is written by AI because you use one and mutter suggestions?
When I was in middle school a computer couldn’t recognize faces. Now I use mine to unlock my phone. So what seemed impossible for a. computer to track is likely something it can indeed do – with the right mathematics
People have patterns, and patterns of patterns. Their vocal styles in the terms of vocabulary level, cadence, inflection, and decibel range. I would say rhythm but a metronome could fix that!
Filters were supposed to mask it a little. But get a sample of each and you can mathematically tear them apart. Computers are no doubt going good at mimicking what the ear can already do.
Whether understanding of mathematics is there is irrelevant with the right software because it doesn’t just require teasing them apart by scanning each voice suspected to be involved. Then looking for patterns to align. Particularly when those who are trying to disguise their voices have favorites!
Of course this courses a glut of data that needs a little sorting and curiosity to pull together and become information. Then if we understand that information we can – again as the human mind, turn it into knowledge.
But these days we have patterns of patterns and after a while we have to treat what we know as data if we need to get a meta level understanding of use.
Patterns of patterns.
I’m particularly interested in the branch of mathematics involved in the basis, but I suspect the patterns of patterns issue will eventually (if not already) branch off into a focus on sorting data per use.
Mathematicians interested in helping a particular field would be more likely to be able to choose a branch of this field if they know where they’re going with it.
That’s why some people can really move on to applied mathematics and others are more interested in theory and remaining part of academia.
I haven’t yet decided where to take my mathematical instinct (except my arse and shove it – which would be my neighbors preference) but I do have to have some mathematical grounding to get a job pointing out patterns.
But disabled, with bipolar and severe PSTD, shat on, bullied, stolen from, ruined I can see why some think they have buried me.
No my lovelies. I got bored of you adding to my PTSD and am now watching you until funding comes up to return to school. You have so far burnt every trick on me.
And so far I’ve had one meh, interrupted suicide attempt. One severe I actually died and came back attempt. And a few heart attacks. Maybe even a stroke.
We’ll see if I live long enough to track all you do with official mathematics with an instinct so strong I figured out modern set theory after having not really worked with the subject since 1995.
Checkmate is an interesting affectation you developed. So are all the other so called ways to stop you vs take time before upping the level
Let’s hope I can just go abstract from now on. Okay?
So… I’m about 75lbs overweight. My fat will help me shrink. As the number of cells we have is entirely static. But boy can they swell.
If your mother or grandmother went through a period of hunger – you’re going to be born chubby. If your genes say “hey, we need coverage.” The number of cells are set.
That much I learned in middle school.
Those precious (not so little in my case) cells are part of an organ trying to keep us warm and energetic enough to survive.
But it can send the signal (leptin) that “hey we’re plenty big, could we eat less and burn more?
But leptin doesn’t communicate that if it’s blocked by insulin. We know how we get spikes of that! Sugar binges are easy to fall into and bad for your leptin!
Now I’m addicted to sugar. Which is difficult because it’s in everything and we need some to survive. Our brains run on glucose. Our muscle stores glycogen they make from glucose. We need sugar – or at least carbs that convert nicely into it.
That’s where the glycemic load comes in. Not the index, screw that one. Carrots have a high index but good luck eating enough of those to worry! No glycemic load is where it’s at.
I understand what to do. I know how to eat healthy. And I know if I cut the sugar weight loss is natural.
And I used to cut it to under 100g a day preferably no more than 50g. My body knew what to do.
But addictions are chemical and your brain likes its easy access glucose. There’s probably some serotonin crap with sugar because I vaguely remember dopamine is too brief to settle in. I don’t remember.
Both are involved for sure. Shortbread has the perfect sugar, fat, carb ratio to have an effect on your dopamine so strong it could be considered an opioid-like effect.
But a lot safer on your joints!
Which might be why some of us suffering from Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and fibromyalgia find ourselves a bit tubby! Painkillers are dangerous and pain will drive you up the wall and down again. Never mind “other” factors.
At some point our weight is too much for our joints. And I’m sorry (not really), we’re supposed to feel fat and fabulous. But I don’t. Maybe fat. Maybe fabulous in the way used in the queer community. But while my body has been kind with distribution, my joints are still mad!
And the mirror is only my friend if I’m not naked. And from certain angles.
But emotional eating got me so far and medication added another 60. I kept getting my emotional eating under control with copious amounts of Diet Coke. But I’m out. And the extra 60 were while homeless and barely able to afford to eat, so yeah. Medication is not an excuse it’s a reason.
Sugar was in the last month or so. And now it’s out. I want to lose weight and I want to avoid diabetes. But my brain is mad!
I’m hungry beyond belief because what it wants is easy sweets. The only thing I remember curbing that appetite was a shit tonne of protein. No idea why. But it’s still cranky pants time for the next five days (seven if it’s bad) and the insatiable need for food for 1-3 days depending on depth of succumbing to temptation. I don’t remember how long I’ll be foggy headed and it’s also a symptom of fibromyalgia. It was too long ago before developing it to remember and that’s because I hadn’t done this since 2014! I’m also going to be shaking and shivering a little but no more so than when I eat too much salt.
Food oriented shakes and shivers suck but I don’t have the experience to know how similar that is to hard drugs. So please, if sugar is this bad? Back off those trying to kick something severe.
It’s a good thing I live on my own!
It’s vital to kick sugar down a notch. Dr Lustig wrote, “Fat Chance” which gave me most of my understanding of that persnickety organ we need but hate.
It loves us, trying to do its job. Love it and lose it by being friends and drop the microwave diet food. They’re tasty but made by the same company that makes junk food. They don’t actually want you to lose weight.
I forgot where I read that, but read that label. Fat is where the flavor is (says the vegan). I think I learned that from Dr Perlmutters book, “Grain Brain.”
The knowledge of glycogen and exercise comes from Dr Rob Thompson.
I highly recommend those three books to cover all you need because this is not medical advice. More a warning that when you quit the sugar your appetite will spike and your mood will plummet. I mean sure, you thought you’d be a bit moody.
No. I mean fucking irritable as fuck for the adjustment duration. It’s not your imagination. Don’t get gaslighted out of the truth.
Kicking sugary foods to the curb is necessary, but initially sucks like all hell.
The good news is fruit will taste better and you will become much more sensitive to sweetness and thus enjoy different foods.
You might feel canned pasta is revolting, but the real stuff is delicious. Just keep it in moderation – which you can if you’re keeping the sugar low.
Dr. Lustig suggests nothing but occasional fruit and maybe, if you have to, desert once a week. It’s not ideal. Less to nothing would be better. But he eased up in his second book, “The Fat Chance Cookbook”.
And that’s it and why you might be tempted to ask if it’s that time of the month. (Not a myth, but doesn’t diminish the legitimacy of objections)
Sorry, my sugar-free sweet self will try to return, depending on if the dragon in me can take a nap. We’ll see if the reactive abuse lets up!
Sylvanna Devlin 