Sylvanna Devlin

There is an issue I’ve noticed that is a little surprising to me. I have been fairly isolated and those I lived with I trusted.

When I couldn’t trust my spouse anymore it was over.

For me, trust is synonymous with love. I really don’t worry over looks or even demeanor. Just how much I can trust someone. The more I trust the more in love I become. And that bond becomes unbreakable so long as that trust isn’t betrayed.

Oddly – or perhaps related – I now have trust issues. Too many abusive attempts to control me. Too many lies and too much manipulation. While I am generally loving and kind, compassionate to as many as I can be. The bond I seek is rare.

I am loyal, faithful, honest, and clear. These traits make me worthy of reciprocated trust. As initial issues are possible. But at some point if you won’t trust me?

It’s still over.

Because the heartbreak of loving and trusting someone so intensely who doesn’t feel the same is too much. I’ve been there. I can’t do it again. I am worthy of endless trust and seek to live as honest a life as possible.

Which right now is fairly lonely.

Particularly since I’m around lying bitches who don’t see a problem with dishonesty, with reactive abuse, and who demand respect without offering any back.

I respect most people at first. But their behavior was a fast track to dismissal. They could recover if they see the value in someone warm, tender, and kind despite literal years of psychological torture.

Indeed being sweet is just a sign of a mark to most of the women I’m referring too. Most stay out of it. Perhaps as worthy of trust but without the same passion for earnest behavior.

Nothing wrong with wanting to be normal. But I don’t. I want to be part angel, part pixie and all dragon if breathing fire or endurance is required.

And I’ve been pushed, prodded, and shat on for it.

They can bugger off. I remembered me and plan to continue to decide I’m a rockstar academic and writer. There’s no going back now.

That’s me though.

What about someone I can trust?

Someone who values my faith.

Not at easy as it sounds, apparently. But it should be.

But hilarious.

Apparently someone said

“Obey me. Say a nonsense phrase”

And asleep I replied

“aleph fievel farfegnugen”

Which is probably the politest way to say “fuck off, you fuckwit” I can imagine.

Aleph is the symbol for infinity in mathematics

Fievel is a Yiddish name meaning “smart one” – that I’m pretty sure was meant sarcastically

farfegnugen is a German word for “driving pleasure”

So I suppose, if we assume it’s like Latin enough.

“Oh smart one, go for a drive, forever.”

My partially dislocated jaw has become a painful issue. So I’m trying to hold my jaw in place and get the muscles to sort out the rest.

I am harassed and harangued and unsure I even know who I’m living near anymore. But they escalated their threats, lies, and instigation of fights after I booted them from my internet.

Before I did so, there were endless sounds of harassment from surrounding audio equipment (like a google play).

I didn’t have them in my room or under my control but booting the local leader from the network briefly stopped everything and settled down half permanently.

I’ve been unwilling to acquiesce to requests to restore their access.

Someone here is responsible for the theft, threats, harassment and bullying of everyone who doesn’t

“Obey” and everyone else has “step in line”

I don’t f’n think so.

But she and her cohorts here know how and where to go to gain access to address me, hear me. And they read and comment on everything I do.

They are now using general knowledge of their spying to lie about what they have seen.

And what they are saying is atrocious.

Now I’m being warned of currently stymied attempts at a nude three D model. My unused body commenced on if I am alone in my apartment and naked.

Their goal is obedience or death and they’ve turned the public against me to get the former.

Absolutely not. I will not be succumbing to their abuse. But fully believe that if they are not stopped they will drive me to another and more successful suicide attempt.

Do you really want to be a part of that? An unwitting tool of abuse?

But bored of selfies

I’m buying a journal with some basic questions to answer for myself. And it doesn’t matter how strange or even stupid the questions seem. Anyone who doesn’t understand why I feel like writing this down is lucky enough not to have ever had someone try to stamp out their personality.

So my questions?

Who am I?

What are my names?

What kind of mind do I have?

What is my thinking style?

How do I like to express myself?

What kind of environments do I like?

What’s my favorite kind of humor?

What do I do?

What else am I capable of?

What are my talents?

What skills have I developed?

What do I enjoy?

What do I consider important?

What is my creed?

What do I wish I could do?

What do I do for fun/while taking a break?

Who are my favorite kinds of people?

What do I like about other people?

What do I wish others would stop doing?

What are my other attitudes?

The evils of Nuerolinguistic programming require first making a mind mailable.

Medication can do it overnight, depression for some, torture if one is so inclined, and an onslaught of abuse so psychologically twisted eventually cognitive function fucks off.

The gray matter is open to manipulation.

The cult after me tried since 2022 to break in, make it nigh impossible to think for myself. To need help and direction.

If I can’t think anymore the programming can begin to let the leader do all the thinking.

In all cases

The victim becomes a puppet. Their true personality suppressed to the point individuality is erased.

For most they succumb and function as directed. It’s done to make slaves think it’s willing. But it is by no means consensual. However their own desires and goals are erased and replaced with what they are told to want.

When the cult is getting close? First comes instructions failures. You look at the guide for a build. Even a recipe. And no matter how simple? You can’t follow it.

Your cognitive dysfunction is temporary but dangerous and can seem permanent if you can’t escape the abuse levied on you.

Finally you get to an inability to determine your own needs save thirst. And even then do you choose water or ginger beer? What is everyone else having?

Creeped out yet?

You should be.

I’m not sure what happens when the leader who did this is finally arrested. I don’t know what happens to cultlings so abused they don’t understand anything without very guided instructions.

They’re probably prone to infighting.

Because no one wants to feel stupid and no one wants to admit they just can’t remember who they are anymore.

I am of the impression women have been abused into taking on my history, my name, my goals, as the cult leader forced everyone to call themselves Sylvanna.

They then did whatever awful thing they had to in order to “prove their love”. Likely told “the real Sylvanna would do it”

Then they hunt for which is real.

Yuhoo Sylvanna Devlin would not do it. Thank you. I’m not in your cult. The history you’re dressed in is mine and you don’t value individuality and intelligence anymore – to the point you don’t recognize it.

But I was once manipulated and controlled by their leader and while he never tried to force me to break the law, he was unable to grasp that he would not be gaining power over me again.

The other women didn’t get that either.

Everything was my fault. They were so heavily abused because I wouldn’t obey their rules. Never mind I’m on no compound they were trying to create one.

Who knows how many members are trying to blend in with society. Some probably seem a little stupid. And you might wonder how they survived thus far.

Cognitive dysfunction is just that. And depression, abuse, torture, NLP, some medication and drugs, and intense peer pressure can all dull the wit.

What is needed is compassion and to be lead out of the dark.

Personally my brain needs to rewire now. Thank you. I will be putting the pegs in place. I need to have as little interference as possible.

But I am likely the only one who resisted this point four years and it’s likely other victims need help.

Please help them.

And give me some time

Also?

They may become suicidal as they wake to what has happened to them. As frustrating as it is. Please be gentle.

If this resonates and you need help? Please go to the emergency room. And if you can’t find the words for what happened to you, show them this post.

Your whole identity has been wiped. You may need help getting it back.

If they wish to contact someone for advice, the FBI has resources that are official, and I will give unofficial aide as I can. If they think it’s best not to seek anyone out who isn’t a professional? Please listen to them.

You can’t tell if you’re hot or cold, if you aren’t hungry, want comfort food, or could do with eating. If it’s morning or night becomes fluid and uncertain.

What day is it again?

Yes that can happen.

And yes. Brainwave manipulation can even cause blackouts.

This can’t continue.

Okay. I am a bit different. Met lots of people and had something in common with all of them – which is not normal!

I can communicate to most people using their style and relate to their experiences

And then explain that to someone else using that other persons perspective as my guide.

Indeed the more angles to the world I can see or learn the better.

Because while I’m like everyone else, no one is like me. Everyone connects to the multifaceted (slightly dented) person that I am. So some don’t realize how different I am.

It may sound isolating but honestly as much as I’ve met lots of wonderful people. I’ve been exposed to toxic behavior on an all new level!

It’s not reasonable to ask me to be like everyone else. If I wouldn’t in middle school I’m not going to cut off parts of my soul in my forties!

It’s also not reasonable to ask everyone else to be like me. I’m unique with an unusual history and mind. Given freedom to be creative – when some asshole hasn’t been trying to pin me in place.

I’ll forge a path and leave lights on behind me. But don’t let anyone force you to follow them – and don’t try to force me to follow yours.

PS what can intense and strenuously performed conditioning do?

While you are unconscious direct you to “part your legs”

And you do.

My conscious brain put a stop to it and the only way to try again is abuse and I lock my door.

But it was done to me with the hopes to create a sex slave.

So think what you like of me

Because it didn’t work.