Sylvanna Devlin

When you encounter a victim of severe long terms abuse? If they escape, they are often not themselves.

They need nurturing or space to recover. The right book. Groups (for some), isolation for others (by choice)

Please be patient.

Because we are absolutely worn thin and cognitive function seems impossible because of what it took to survive:

What we are thinking is:

No openings, fewer abusive events. They have to work harder for an excuse.

We have to develop a shell and live with it surrounding us

There can be no avenue for an argument.

Anything we actually say must be on eggshells.

No history, no interests have to be hidden.

No tears, no reaction.

But it will bottle

We don’t show emotion if we can avoid it.

Don’t reveal where and how to cool of

When it comes to others?

At first:

We always place desires as “(arseholes) wants (whatever you are asking for or about)

Some will get annoyed and ask “but what do you want?”

And we might not have an answer.

Don’t reveal friends because the friendship Will become dangerous to our relationship.

Because they will divide us from anyone welove, and keep acquaintances distant.

Protect anyone who helps you feel better.

If you can avoid it? Don’t reveal any attempts to better your mental/physical health.

Here’s the exit ‘strategy’s

A close friend you don’t reveal starts restoring your self esteem, a good therapist will do this. Do not reveal their existence. Or improved self esteem.

A social worker might do it.

Because there’s no running without any shred of self esteem.

You need to know (because you no longer remember other relationships) you can get out. You deserve and need better and alone is better!

Once you run?

Cut ties

No explanation, no communication, no visits if possible, with someone if not.

No warmth

Ignore their crocodile tears if that happens.

Do not let them try to emotionally manipulate you with “a honeymoon period”

Ignore suggestions you return

And absolutely ignore all the blame that shit has piled on you.

If it’s physical? Run to a battered individual shelter.

You need help getting the fuck away because most abusers become obsessive.

All abuse arseholes want power and control. And some become vicious it you return.

If it’s physical they will be so violent they might kill you.

You absolutely have to run and cut ties. Get the police involved if a child is.

Get a shelter to advise you from there.

If it’s emotional abuse?

OMFG

Staying? Going back?)

It’s more likely to end with your suicide. You have to run.

You absolutely have to run away.

Going back tends to be what knocks in a death wish that I don’t recommend pursuing.

They will have by now alienated your friends.

As an aside:

Friends? Absolutely do not challenge the relationship directly. Be subtle. Nurse their identity back enough.

It takes emotional strength to escape emotional abuse (probably even more difficult in violent relationship)

But we will bounce back to them if you try to be the one to divide us. Lure us out.

Seriously.

If financial and lack of friends keeps you trapped? Or other fears?

Gather what you can. Maybe “clear clutter” (into a storage unit. Try to hide it. They will sense a threat)

Prepare a go bag in secret. Absolutely what you need if you have nothing else left. You should Include clothes. Kickers and bra. Make it something you can literally carry while running .

Your child might seem heavy, but adrenaline will through you, and you will develop super strength to save a kid.

Pick a moment? And go!

Even if it’s to a hotel

No money?

A shelter really is better. The right one anyway.

The first thing, once your out? Go to the ER. Hospitals will quickly get a social worker. Ask to go somewhere safe.

Because yes indeed, you might soon be suicidal.

There are people to save your life. And an ER visit can sometimes be how you get out.

Then?

Look I’m not pussyfooting about this.

You won’t remember who you are.

At some point. You will become upset and furious with everything that basterd took from you from you, including your health.

It’s a bit of a road to recovery, and depression is normal.

Seek a psychiatrist.

Would you go a doctor for a broken leg?

Well your mind has been fucked with.

Go to a psychiatrist

And start trying medication. Try all suggestions to cope. (from a doctor or psychiatric nurse)

Climb that fucking cliff face.

You can.

But give yourself time and solitude.

Be careful of getting into a similar relationship. Abusers seem to sense victims and can seem very enticing until they have you under their control.

They know what to say. Someone like them put the wounds in there. They’re not insightful, they’re manipulative.

Do not get caught in the cycle again. Do not get into any relationship until you have some emotional and physical health restored .If you can? Don’t try until you have fully recovered.

That’s what I can share right now. If I remember more I will write another post.

I’m working on to thesis for the development of skills to handle Trollbot attacks.

It might help with emotional abuse.

I’don’t know about physical. The only time my ex spouse attacked me, he knocked a cat tower onto me.

I only survived by dodging. And calf kick it away from the glass window behind me.

The bruise was spectacular.

But they specialized in reactive abuse. Was perhaps his strongest set of skills.

I was driven mad, no matter how much of his shit I dodged.

After I escaped the pain from angry nerves became fibromyalgia. I got lucky with the fairly quick diagnosis, I went to highly respected orthopedic doctor and she noticed.

Checked and diagnosed me.

I’m not sure. But from what I vaguely remember; fibromyalgia can only be diagnosed by an orthopedic doctor.

Luck

Sort of.

And professional or personal help.

You might forget, if you are completely battered. That there are social workers specifically trained to help abuse victims.

If you have to? Be sneaky and run.

If you can run as of this second?

Bail out as soon as you can gather your “go bag”.

Arrange a friend, Lyft, traditional taxi. If you think it’s safe to drive. Your own car (provided you have one still – which you might not if the asshole has somehow scuppered you owning anything useful)

Get them to get close.

Carry what you need, including your pet. Some places help you keep them with you.

If a kid is involved. Carry them, adrenaline will may you very strong to get you to safety

If there’s more than one kid?

Arrange a “party” hopefully one he isn’t interested in. Many friends willl help you bail – even if they were alienated. Family is an easier excuse.

Each of you pick up that kid and GTFO! And never return.

If you absolutely don’t have enough people you can bring in? Call the police

They will come guard you and your children.

If there’s no way, no how can you do that? When you can, get a prepaid phone. Preferably one in the go bag

Escape first if you have no choice. Then as soon as you are safe, get then out. Police friends child protective services (it’s possible they might help you get out. But I don’t know it. It just seems likely.

It’s awful to have to run first. But some situations call for it. If you can get the police involved.

The abuser will throw a fit, just block his number and get as far as you can.

He might trash you on social media. It doesn’t matter anymore. You’ll figure out friends later.

Just get out, even if you gave to be sneaky to detangles yourself.

If it’s a slow one? Start packing that go bag. If possible, get a prepaid phone to hide in there.

Some situations really are that dangerous