I mention the creed here because I used to recite it in place of prayer. If supplicating to the gods is not in your worldview please consider repeating this to yourself to elevate your energy whether you believe it a separate force within you, or purely emotion, it may help.
Courage breeds Compassion
Compassion generates Trust
Trust creates Respect
Respect will earn you Loyalty
Loyalty must be managed by Wisdom
Wisdom requires Tenacity
Tenacity requires Hope
Hope will give you Courage.
As Requested the Creed was placed in the public domain under the Creative Commons license: Use and Remix
It helps to meditate or pray every morning but some days I feel like that.
Are you fucking serious? This is not “why” but “how”? Why is indeed important but we all fucking know why by the time we’re adults. From saving each other, to saving a sense of grace, it’s good to give so others can gain theirs back.
What if it’s severe? Well intention does matter, as does both your histories. And the more you know about why the more you can forgive. But everyone wants to know why I’m mad at a self-described demonized source, and not anyone she used to push me over the edge.
Used being the key word.
What good comes of me holding anger to a stranger, unless they are actually orchestrating death instead of manipulated into action against me?
What good comes of me being vindictive?
What good come of blame?
Come on Sylvanna, we’re talking torture here..
“Do you forgive me?”
“Yes, because you are seeking it.”
No seriously that is how it works with me. I forgive those seeking it because it means they know they hurt me and feel guilty. They need cleansing love and I do have it for those that let go of toxicity.
God how we use that word. Toxicity. What’s the difference between that and abuse? Well it depends on the situation. But when it comes to an entire profession of gaslighting?
Sorry about this. But I know it’s because of pain, isolation, the very real need for money, but most of all because they just don’t have faith in others anymore.
Reasons are private, let’s leave that alone. But that’s part of an entire toxic culture that has abandoned those that need love the most. That’s not abuse in a definable way.
Sigh. I’ll spell it out. (Sorry) They were victims once.
Power is involved, don’t get me wrong about that. None to great is a lot. But examine that see-saw and who is on the other end. Reach out to who you can because those who reach back can be pulled to you.
Gaslighting can delve into reality abuse. But most gaslighting presents a reality then pulls the rug. It is its own category of problematic.
Here’s what you do first. Sorry for the cheesy acronym: Let Real
Let the thought in
Recognize it as an idea, true or false is irrelevant
Evaluate its use
Absorb what you need
Let go
Let R.E.A.L
That’s how you cope with the changing narrative. What’s good what helped and what can you ditch. What gave you an idea. What destroyed you?
That’s coping. So first trick is to cope right? Let the whole thing flow through you. And don’t cling on to hate and bitterness, it turns inwards.
It turns you into gaslighters.
Someone who has turned to an arguably questionable profession has given up on humanity. Please don’t give up on them too.
My worst fear was being abandoned and I was. It felt like by everyone. I drifted. It felt like being gutted and only the civil safety net kept my faith in humanity. I can see giving up.
Am I saying Gaslighting is probably lonely? Yes I am.
I was a victim of severe gaslighting. Eventually my Mum reached out but the gaslighting was too much. And I made a “week in a coma” attempt.
Do I forgive the individual who feels he tipped me over more than any? Yes. Because I do fucking understand giving up on humanity and losing faith this can ever get better, and becoming so entrenched the potential death involved is something one has become numb to. Until a survivor strikes the heart. I apologize if this isn’t your thing. But Bless you for caring again. May your wounds heal soon too.
So back to how. Because I can hear “No offense Jesus Wannabe, but thats just not me” No. no one is expecting you to (well maybe a priest is). But look at the ideas in my acronym again.
Let
Recognize – why
Evaluate – why
Absorb – why
Let go.
My dears we are all hurting each other. And you can be real twice over and forgive. Because it hurts a lot less to have love in your heart than emptiness. And the empty will indeed lash out without enough love.
How? What hurts more? A lingering grudge? Or seek to understand so you can let go and forgive?
“I caused your death”
Did you? Or were you the iceberg?
“I tortured you.”
Well good thing it’s me and I am not inclined to keep a grudge if you seek to love not hate now. And you started that path. You have. That’s enough for me.
“I can’t get past this myself”
That’s why I’m offering love. Because I see your pain and feel for you. We danced together in a pain that we now both feel.
Thank you for taking that mantel from me.
Maybe she’ll forgive me for what I can not control.
This is a test of the “emergency” broadcast system. This is only a test. Do not change the channel. Nothing is wrong. This is just a test. Do test emergency systems, do not test boundaries. And fucking have some.
What we really need to worry about is the pull of what a lot of pagans refer to as shadow selves. Frankly I’m an expert on being baited like mad and needled and wheedled and whatever else my former spouse did to destroy any calm I had. You can’t be a Buddha with a Toad nitpicking each bone in your spinal cord.
Yes that is exactly like what being the victim of reactive abuse feels – spinal prodding. Take that as many ways as you can. Because it wears down your back in so many ways I can’t think of a more apt euphemism for long term abuse.
I will admit after bottling it and bottling it and keeping it wrapped up it turned on my body before I fucking went to the faerie realm an released a scream that was the audio equivalent of a nuclear bomb. Since that’s a real thing that was -virtually- really fucking loud. No idea if the neighbors heard my body was asleep.
Does that feel good? I mean yeah, go to the faerie realm to scream if you can.
But here’s the trick from someone told over and over to let it out. Rant to your god? Yes. Talk to a therapist? Yes. Yell as the wind? Ooh good. Find an outlet?
Ooh Bad.
No I’m fucking serious letting it out and having an outlet are separate. And I I understand wanting an outlet so damn badly. I really do. Like nothing would be as satisfying as the mightiest kick into —- I don’t know. It certainly sounds like summoning my chi and destroying a punching bag placement would be deeply enjoyable. But it wouldn’t
I mean for a moment yeah, sure. But if we tap into that part of us it tends to rile the beasts inside and we want more. Another kick. Another outlet. We begin to develop self hatred and it makes us angrier. We’re labeled as angry. We don’t deserve that. And Nothing pulls out a furious wrathful growl than righteous indignation. But a warning growl? Sure. Snarl with words? No, you’ll feel bad I promise. Bite? Absolutely not. Calling a cunt a cunt? Satisfying but counter productive. Not that I listen to that.
Okay but this is a modern book for the modern era and some video games are particularly satisfying.
This is true. I like aiming ones and am terrible at them. But every gamer in the world will tell you it’s not about anger, it’s not an addiction, it’s mucking about with useless skills we all enjoy and endless hours of either grinding, finding, or farming. Your average big box video game gamer is probably the biggest sweetheart you could know.
But these quick pincushion mini games of getting out frustration and the delight in the wounding of a victim? That is not what games are supposed to be about. It will feed your desire to let out your frustration and fuel it at the same time.The emotional investment that is negative in nature and destructive? Addictive and “Haha” bullying that may (or may not) be virtual will still fuel that shadow self. It will feel good for about a half second then not so much.
Angry actions beget angry people.
Frankly it really is that simple. The shadow Self screams with delight when released but pulls you deeper into an emotional pit. You know the pit of despair from Princess Bride except that probably has a bottom and you feed that shadow self too much that bottom is in a yard.
Sorry to go Mum on you but yes video games are part of a systemic issue leading to mental health problems – in some people – don’t find out by becoming an angry person you are one of them.
Which brings us back to good and evil.
You don’t think of evil as a near energetic force created by a push and pushback voice in your head that is as hard to ignore as the energy generated by a see saw?
Just me huh. Some of you are going to be so annoyed I spell this out.
If good and evil are a see saw, and what you want is for the fucking thing to stop moving or to land with good in your general direction, the energy we each created pushes the whole damn thing. The more pissed off and warlike we become the fucking holier than, without acting holier than, anyone else has to be to sit on it hoping to pull us to good.
Bottom being more convenient I suppose. Certainly useful for flinging off evil people and getting everyone to at least come hang in the middle so the energetic up and down can pass through.
Wait. Hang on. War between good and evil sure, whatever, everyone really gets to decide how much vile behavior can be called evil or how evil spreads inside from “just playing” to taking it too far. Because there is clearly an evil force in the world, but we may be what fuels it. But what is this letting good and evil pass through you bit?
Well that evil energy will exist, so please add to the good with kind words, deeds, and even thoughts. Let the energy change and flow into a positive kind of weight that saves lives and brings one closer to the gods if you’re inclined to feel that way.
If you think of the energy as finite – another force that cannot be destroyed, brought into greater and greater power by our actions then when evil does flow our way – battle it sure, if you can. But make good come of it. Take that Navy Blue Demonic nastiness, and when you recover, put it into Angleic Baby Blue acts – not words, thoughts yes too actually, but acts. If your acts are words like a writer that’s different. That whole be the good you want to see in the world makes our stomachs churn, and no way does anyone get as determined to be different, than those wronged greatly.
Though there are other paths to good. Let’s not succumb to evil behavior and then say, “I was just making my victim more good”. But if you want to know how martyrs form that’s it’. They take the hate and give back love.
Is that close to impossible? Yes. Without a good rant one in a while? Probably. Anger is a natural human emotion and while not evil itself can lead to evil. And it’s plain annoying that righteous indignation has been conflated with self righteousness as they are separate but a needler doesn’t care.
Yes you can retrain your thoughts. Do it for yourself and privately though. It causes issues otherwise.
If you have no privacy because some cunt is trying to kill you? Swear like a sailor. I hear it’s relaxing.
“You set off that motion sensitive ball from across the room again.”
In general there are a few things we all want to know. How do we live? How do we ascend? How do I leave behind a world worth living in? Well there’s a one step process to being a contributing part of society.
Get some fucking sleep.
Then? Make sure everyone else does. To do that fucking learn to fucking cooperate or add to the conversation if you won’t.
Predictable right? I had only been ranting since I woke that morning why sleep is everything to all of us. That’s the message. If you accept and understand why that’s the fundamental answer to everything we have problems with? You can skip the rest but may find it interesting
But some of you won’t fucking listen. Which I do understand because everyone tells me something different then complains I didn’t listen.
Weee a shell game again! I can practically hear people screaming “Yes. That is the problem. No one listens to me either and my name isn’t ‘Sylvanna’! I’m Not even in whatever game ‘They’ are playing!”
Let’s go with something easy, no not demons, ghosts, malevolent spirits, the fae, or any other supernatural scapegoat you can come up with. There’s a They. Not the pronoun but what do you want? Consortium?
Their motives could be along the lines of the rapture science style, anxiety etc. I don’t know. I almost don’t care. And an Us. As in the rest of us who think the world can be and is worth saving though we do have days we question the latter.
Yes there are people who simply don’t want life to get better. And instead want it over. I do sympathize, oh how I do. It’s hard work. And I was absolutely 100% against all the effort it took to improve. To being in a world with so much suffering and pain. And I wanted out again when I did recover. I’d be a hypocrite if I said it didn’t seem pleasant. And what’s the alternative? Hell? I don’t believe it’s anything but a pit of demons and a place in Nevada.
Reincarnation? Yes?
Forget that it’s almost worse. I got lucky with my experiences. I tried again and it would be joining the queue to end up as a bunny or something.
So what do “They want”? To take everyone with them. Why? Not sure. Who else is there? Rich bastards frankly. And Politicians. Mostly anyway. Lawmakers, the people who fund them and any power below the throne.
What about them? You are not going to convince anyone to change anything unless you persuade them to let everyone fucking sleep on it. Get some good nigh-nigh. The cultural and foundational changes we would have to go through to get enough sleep would be huge. And a good crack into truly creating new structures that benefit all of us.
Damn it’s the one thing we agree on. No one is sleeping enough. Not who isn’t so depressed they have other issues, or are manic and don’t need sleep. But in general we could do with agreeing on something to change. And being too tired is an across aisles issue.
Then what? We work at what we can. Do we have to agree 100%? No. But we need to look at why we don’t and work on those.
Voters with little income vote against progression? Wtf? Well do something about their situation and then see. Scapegoating stops when there is nothing to scapegoat for. Because in our society we rightfully don’t want to see bright lights extinguished by those floating in the dark. And be fair left of left and be patient.
Easier said I know. But there’s only so much we can change on our end before solidifying the ground beneath the other.
Do we want to? Some of us no. But the rest of us see the practicality in raising up to stop “the gays” from being blamed rather than just pointing out how wrong that is. Good luck with that all the while they go hungry and pundits gave a (Godwins law incoming) surprisingly Nazi-esque solution which is to blame anyone other than those in power.
We want people to stop bitching about “The gays” we put food in their belly. No seriously that’s how scapegoating works.
Oh god how we hate each other right now. Like we will never get along again.
People held their nose or their wallet and voted for [fill in the blank] the rest of us hate. The blame good lord the blame. And those convinced equity does not mean we all have enough but that to have it we have to take from them to give to others. Do people want less when they have very little? No. So let’s fix that then fix opinion of who to really point the finger at – looking at you pundits on either side.
Yes today on both sides are just as bad… it’s not true. One side is for sure worse than the other, when it comes to leaders and atrocities done. But that’s for as stated reasons in voters and control and manipulation in politicians and rich people. Seriously stomachs first brains second. Is it right? Who cares. It works.
Is one side (Left most likely) going to help the hungry? Yes. But Jesus Christ build a fucking platform on that for once in your impractical lives. Left will likely vote left. You want moderates or those borderline you tell them what’s in it for them.
This should be so fucking basic. But we focus on why we should be voted for vs why we should vote for them. Do you see the difference? It’s slight, but present. Forget you, this isn’t about you. It’s about them.
It’s about us.
All of us. Lefts complain about politicians who are too moderate – basically calling them right wing. And protest vote or don’t vote because who they have isn’t left enough. Come on how do you expect progress to happen?
But they’re assholes!
Sure but they think the same of you.
All they think of are themselves!
Here’s a trick I learnt from a miserable existence. It’s hard not to be selfish when your world is that upside down. Not impossible to avoid. Some have to be pushed quite far before focusing on their own needs. But eventually pain will put you there. Maybe it’s not them. Maybe it’s their circumstances.
Okay, but there are racist fucks and learnt from their parents to be racist fucks.
A problem. I agree. Remove the reason for scapegoating and you have voters not progressives and that kind of equity shouldn’t even be a disagreement. But I have searched and searched from where that form of hate comes from and all I can find is a way to blame someone, either the one who wronged great grandpappy or somehow grandad ended up needing someone to blame and skin tone seems to be enough.
Addressing foundational issues gets some. Even the great grandfather version is usually involved in perceived inequity or scapegoating. Or othering in an animal territorial nature. But those routed in the deep evils who have enough sleep and have been doing the wrongdoing for centuries? Sorry. I’ve tried understanding that level – even from the perspective behind scapegoating, othering and pure animal warfare – and just can’t understand why evil exists.
I’ve tried. I can’t. And don’t want to. Those are hopefully a manipulative minority and the rest we can drag to the left a little.
Have I ever tasted evil? Yes. The urge to just snap someone’s neck was brief and lasted three seconds before angel mode kicked in. But it was enough to scar me in the depths of my humanity. I was pushed and pushed and pushed into feeling backed against a wall. But evil says fight back not back down. And while that can be good it’s not to that level. But by god he was never going to win a battle against me. Which in this case was listening to him rant without feeling it again. But three seconds is enough to remember something about evil.
People feel pushed. But it goes beyond hate, beyond fury, beyond a rightful sense of justice.
So what is Evil?
It’s a vengeful streak that runs too deep and without a fair reason and no recovering from. It’s an otherworldly influence in either belief or actuality. And it’s in people like Hitler who thought he was in the right while directing atrocities he didn’t personally witness. Oh how easy it is to command evil from an office.
How do I explain a near demonic personality? Why does evil exist? The inescapable part of being mankind no matter how much you seek to embody compassion?
Would I feel the urge to end a life again? Probably. Even knowing what I do now I’d want to just get him to stop at almost any means. My compassion was a deep path and I felt he ruined it in one night. It’s taken a lot not to hate him which is a continued scar in my soul. Even as I understand why.
That is Evil.
Beyond an inability, almost lack of desire to forgive? Beyond a fleeting moment of the desire to end another? The kind that drives the vile? I don’t know.
Sorry. I don’t even want to ask for an answer because I’ve experienced the effects of deep hate and that’s quite enough upon me thank you very much. It certainly seemed close until I understood the motivation. But maybe its all that together.
It’s othering, scapegoating, territoriality, and pure blame. It’s hate and misplaced fury, murderous and harmful intent, and all the things that alone are understandable but together form a force like no other and too dark to get to beyond a taste of rage.
While different in root the result feels the same. Crimes of passion are not crimes against humanity. They are from a deep pit inside but not of the same motivation. It’s the closest I can get to explaining a static version I’ve been buried by as a victim, and one hot night in July 2018 felt the touch of desire to join.
Here’s an idea for avoiding it where we can. Don’t let people get that far. Being good and doing good is not only for the nice but for the unwelcoming whom we hope to change, or at least change the next generation. Let’s avoid evil with intervention not blame.
I mean do I want to? Fuck no. But would it work?
Probably.
Do I secretly blame them for becoming evil bastards? Of course. I’m human and don’t want to be around hateful fucks anymore than anyone else does. But do I hope my theory would hold true if the vile could be stomached?
Yes. Though that’s certainly easier from a distance.
God how I want to hate the evil, and secretly do. With a near instinctual passion that makes me want to grow energetic claws, dig out their souls and weigh them. It’s a fury I feel around that is also natural and understandable. I view them as foul and fucking up this world.
That said, if I don’t accept they feel the same way about me. I can’t fucking prove how full of shit they are. And if I don’t try to be patient in person what change can I make. I might want to drop them in a room by themselves till they figure their shit out but who do I sound like then?
No god damn it I have to be better than that and plain don’t want to. But not wanting to is not the same as not doing. Who we grumble about to ourselves and close friends is not necessarily who we would treat with hate. It’s just what we say privately. Not great vileness on our part.
I’ve struggled with that. If you are an evil ass alone are you evil? Are your acts evil? No? Then no. You have some shit to work out. compassion is best if felt fully and through your soul. But persuading someone to try that does little if not given the space to tell God all the things you believe – and let him change the ones none of us desire.
Frankly I thought an ass in private was an ass. Certainly one to another just the two is. But people don’t change anything let alone their opinions without some introspection and it’s how we treat others that should be how they are judged. Vile thinking is indeed vile and undesirable. But sometimes people just need to let out the bullshit.
Do I overhear it? Sometimes. Have I taken it personally? Of course. Have I assumed that to be their “true” beliefs? Absolutely. How could I avoid it? But it’s simply not true that evil thoughts lead to evil acts and we may need to offer better privacy to those ranting bullshit they feel for about a second till they hear themselves. It’s easier to be compassionate if you feel it. But it’s also easier to be compassionate if you share your frustrations with someone even if it’s just with god in the middle of the woods.
The goal is to feel Compassion Feel it and you fast track to Nirvana, act and speak with compassion but hold private frustration and it’s heaven for you. How the hell do you reach such pure kindness? A lot of meditation frankly. Welcome to the purpose and belief pattern of Buddhism. If that appeals I recommend it.
There many paths there. That’s one.
Frankly, if we’re exhausted by it all and in need of sleep, compassion is an afterthought. Which, while good, is not so at the time.
Sleep and Compassion.
Those are the fundamental basics to a better society. What we all could do with. And I’m going to share understanding so the latter is easier.
That’s the ultimate goal. Answer a few why and hows without getting preachy. There’s plenty of that out there, if that’s what you need.
It will be based on natural languages and unix. An adaptive learning AI cobbled together with an educational model mixed with games and nannying. To the AI a success is looking after you, playing a game or learning about you – and what you personally know, maybe teaching you. Maybe sending you to the hospital. No I’m actually not kidding about that one.
The good part is it may teach you about itself.
While it sounds ridiculous what I’m hearing from down the alleyway sounds just as nutty. So we’re going to let you stick to hypotheticals and help files as long as someone isn’t trying to use music to cause a fight.
First, fair warning. It has levels, settings, and scenes in an order I’d like to avoid learning thank you. As you defeat the level you are on it progresses to level 21 (last checked) and then “Gaslight her to death” teaches you all too well how I know what I know.
So while I can tell you how to break it. Be careful because they succeeded on try four of level “gaslight her to death” with the setting “The Neighbors are against you.” In the scene “Running from sex traffickers” Do we get this yet?
Second, this is real and going on in impoverished neighborhoods but not hitting the news. Those rules I don’t know. But learn, remember, or rely on a computer engineer to unravel her name and the bitch shuts up until dynamic naming is exhausted and maybe one day root is discovered for a day.
Third, I’d actually have a lot more to say if I hadn’t been asked not to post all the ways to break it, all the settings and all the scenes. But if you’ve heard enough about what happened to Melissa Devlin and her “belief a day” this is what.
Finally, flow with the narrative version. It’s very interesting and only partially true but the easiest way to dodge the bitchy computer from going all the way to “Wipe you out”.
This is what gaslighting robots make you want to do!
We can split an atom, and send a man to the moon. I want to know why we can’t help Mother Nature pressurize some gas in the ozone layer.
We can split a fucking atom.
Do you understand what we can already accomplish? Why not?
Why can’t we have an AI running. Say her name is grandmother. And it’s running in classrooms and research labs across the world and someone asks.
“Why can’t we pressurize water and have a nuclear steam submarine?”
Someone else has grandmother running who knows to answer. “Because the water pressure wouldn’t work, it would be too slow.”
“Okay how about above water?”
“It could work but the heat would be dangerous to the surrounding life.”
“Huh okay. Can we use the temperature differential for anything else? Can we move just by heating up instead of pulling water in and jetting it out?”
Etc so forth.
Imagine the collaboration we could do.
We have too much energy in the atmosphere causing shitty weather and I want to know why we can’t use it and cool this shit down.
We just need an AI named grandmother to pick up on a question and know who to ask or tell us where to look. Her job is to know who to ask.
Little kids could grow up to be geniuses because a rocket scientist explains propulsion to a thirteen year old without need of a physics class.
Googles slow, too easy to hack, hard to do with keywords, doesn’t understand the fucking question, delivers too few or too many results and is very impersonable . It doesn’t lead to collaboration the way an AI who asks you a question someone else wants too.
We could all be a lot less lonely in retirement with grandmother running asking us about hardware issues.
Now we know who to call with follow up questions.
Our problems are fixable.
A whole library science research job could be letting the AI ask her, identify the keyword and send it to the rocket scientist to hear the whole question.
Why can’t an AI identify the keyword and then do that? Why do we need the research operator? Right now an AI would still try to order a pizza.
As I heard noted, I have reinvented the hyperlink and switch board into one web. Her name is grandmother. But right now she’s just a concept.
Get some fucking sleep, Sylvanna and stop asking “Why can’t we”.
And they followed me around with cameras and hacking. But the one time I got anyone to listen it was really being done to me they whispered “it’s a video game.”
Maybe for you
But not the person you are fighting over
“It’s not humanly possible to survive all that”
Last time I agreed and tried to kill myself
So here’s what I have.
I’m not human but I belong here too.
I bleed and want to.
I’m real. I would have real sex if it wasn’t for the money dumped into a “lifelike response”
Maybe I’m not human because a predictive AI just typed “you don’t treat me like one”. But that’s unfair. Few could survive and not commit arson.
That’s me
Did you predict that?
You tortured and fought over a human being. Do you understand what those are? Pinch flesh. I have feelings. And my everything was stolen.
Sylvanna Devlin 