Sylvanna Devlin

Excerpt from “Game Over” a narrators perspective.

We delved into many corners of the psyches involved in abuse. But at the time they were subtle, missed, indeed almost started again with a friend of six years – warned away the exact right day. Sylvanna really wanted to be able to provide you with a clear sign to dodge ahead of time. What says “get out” before the abuse really gets going? What one trick exposes the truth and saves you some heartache?

I’m sure there are be a great number of different people from entirely separate angles who would think it impossible. But it’s not. There a red flag so big it rolls out the carpet for them to walk out on – once you’ve booted them from your life. Though good luck, it takes several kicks. Hold firm and change your phone number if you have to. Lambs^[1] clothing can indeed contain wolves, and they’ll hunt a scary amount of time.

This one sign is the failing of the con artist by the nature of how their lies work.  But it’s tendrils reached through the entire situation of the book. It’s a kraken you can catch early. Just make sure you keep things slow enough to watch for it. Considering what this is all about? Refusing to respect your need for a more sedate pace is the crux right there. If they’re slick enough to hide at first? They’ll still slip up on this given enough time.

Listen Read closely. Because the fabric might seem obvious when first said. But it isn’t.

Pay attention to the way they handle “No.”

No, really. Pay attention. A Hard “No.”

Two Elements.

Is your “No.” incredibly reasonable? Such as no visitors staying the night during Covid while living with 70+ parents? But “no, sorry, can’t.” was flat out ignored? Usually a hybrid between trashing boundaries and persuasion. “I don’t mind sleeping on the couch.”

Fucking what part of lethal disease is confusing? Oh…. Don’t answer that.

And/Or:

Did the hard “no” earn some piss and vinegar – usually somewhere else?

Con artists and abusive fucks (If there’s a difference) can’t hide they don’t take “absolute no” well. Toad in particular.

He tried to hide his lies

Through his thin disguise.

But it was right there in his eyes.

Unreasonable anger.

Yeah like a smack to the face that last line, right? That’s what happens.

A petty petulant demon inside him.

They’ll try to keep it from you – at first, at least. Punctuation intended. But their game is to keep pushing, keep going, keep you convinced. To them, “No” means keep talking – even after a hard “No.” Keep insisting. Keep at it it.

Keep Lying…

“No” results in stomping on your boundaries while making themselves sound as innocent as possible. Soon it’s the dirty trick that gets a fight going. They wrap the problem round your neck – you’re not paying attention to their boundaries. But first they need to to trap you. So they’ll try to dress it as persuasion in the beginning.

Not all “no”s…

Like my every answer to his bullshit ideas? The only one he got away with was when I asked his to give me the pear core to eat, rather than throw trash from my window like an inconsiderate child! I ate the crunchy middle bit of an unripe fruit, for near half a decade, because the fight was frankly just beneath me. And his taste in food is questionable.

To get back to the point, yes. All “no’s”. Even if it’s uncertain. He all require a pause, and consideration if an attempt to convince otherwise is really worthy. And in certain subjects that hard line is in society, a wall of “none shall pass.” But the trick was visible before. Sylvanna just didn’t know to look for it. To watch. To see if he… perhaps further that night (In the beginning anyway), gets upset about something else entirely – some nonsense. And picks a fight on that. Like texting too quickly, as the example given a lot earlier.

Sometimes it sounds more normal, but it almost always catches the victim off guard because frankly. Both versions are still weird.

How the hell did you reach that conclusion?

You’re stuck trying to find out how things were so badly misunderstood, when they weren’t. they’re reaching. Because passive aggressive whankers will throw a fuss, even if you’re too reasonable to refute. The fit will happen. We’re not talking feeling too much and falling under a haystack. We’re discussing a straw-man.

As an example of the former, Sylvanna, in private, starts to cry if she gets overwhelmed. As soon as she feels she can’t handle one more thing – there’s a literal cry.  No other word for it. Not a shriek. Not a Scream. Not really strong enough to be a wail. But still pure distress – in an empty house. Tears don’t usually pour in rivers but it sure sounds like it. I’m impressed she still makes her bed the number of times her duvet has been the last thing.

Thanks Bran, I sound like a colicky baby.

Well you’re human, mostly, you sort of-

Don’t go there! We’ll make chapter eleven creepy!

She’s usually suppressing an intense amount of severe pain. Oh I mean on both as two axis of hell! So fiddling with blankets has gotten “the sound.” Though the first time this happened she had a full on meltdown trying to get a cover on, and swears pixies were involved in her subsequent success.

You tell me fixing bedding doesn’t require magical intervention!

No. I’d rather make another point instead.

Okay. That’s fair.

When Sylvanna met Toad she was on a pendulum swing from hearing “yes.” too much.

That’s a real problem. She was sleeping with them so it wasn’t a “nice guy” thing unless he thought it related. Unfortunately she gets put off pretty fast if the person she’s dating won’t ask for anything, and always does what she suggests without ever mentioning a better alternative.

Sylvanna is pretty darn reasonable. If you dated her age fifteen to twenty-five? Well she doesn’t remember but she was an entirely different person. But she does remember feeling like she was a wrecking ball. The odds of her “way” being better/preferred one hundred percent of the time “had to be something she did wrong.”

Those of you who see the next point coming are welcome to sigh.

In fairness she’s full of good ideas, and if she wants to be persuasive could sell salt to a salt miner. She has a talent that makes her squirm miserably. Her silver tongue can pour polish on the page so fast your head would spin – if your eyes could track it in the first place! But she hates that aspect of herself.

Ugh. No. Thank you! I did not get a BA in communication to go into marketing. Bipolar stole the PHD I wanted! Studying it alone has to do I guess.

Go ahead and describe your breakfast. Let them see what you call truly villainous.

Good lord no, I don’t want to make that sound tasty. Someone might try it! 4:00am food experiments are not fit for public consumption!

Come on. I have a point to make.

Is it the no thing? Because…

Is that a “Hard No?” Or would you secretly be amused trying to describe it as remotely appetizing?

Hrm… get back to me. I need to think on it.

Oh yeah, that’s another response to watch for, just like the no. If you say you need time, that needs respect. But from the wrong type of dating partners you’ll get pushing not patience. If he won’t let you think, let them walk on that red-flag carpet out.

To be fair, as you see, persuasion is a natural part of relationships. Sometimes you know someone has a strength you’re encouraging. Or maybe it‘s more serious and involves medication. Trying to get a mentally ill person to seek treatment? Sylvanna wasn’t convinced till she convinced herself. But her mother made an extremely noble, valiant, and untiring effort. So Sylvanna didn’t come to that conclusion alone.

She had no brakes pre-treatment. So it really is hard to fault others for being swayed by her. Plus her death-glare might be as well be lethal for how fast someone gets out of the laser line. And most people give up and go, well before that. So if a fight is involved? Most will fold. Well would. Now she’s better at limiting herself, so there’s no way to know.

As a note on communication, a little over a decade later she still feels guilty for bringing a controlling boyfriend to meet a new friend she didn’t realize liked her, because he never mentioned going further, or remotely came close to kissing her – which is usually how she figures it out. She thought he wasn’t attracted to her. Otherwise known as, Sylvanna’s existence as an observant oblivious person.

“Yes” is also a very important skill to have. But saying “Yes” when you mean “No” does no one any favors friends. That’s a red flag for an unhealthy relationship. Not necessarily abusive – more unbalanced than anything. There should be some give and take, flexibility. Trust. And willingness to be clear and tell the truth.

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^[1]    Besides lambs grow up to be sheep and those are some mean bastards that put geese to shame!