Sylvanna Devlin

I want out.

Someone, generously said to be foolish, set a lethal weapon on me and shrugged her shoulders of all responsibility.

I was, yet again, targeted by a weaponized Troll-bot. Ready to gaslight and abuse 24/7

Should a victim be capable of sleeping, the abuse continues while they try.

Not just weird stuff like dream manipulation.

Constant prodding and attempts to waken. The recording of a gaggle of “mean girls” outside my window.

The complaint that I, as a repeated victim, should shoulder responsibilities this weapon caused.

And why?

Because some Twat can’t control me because I don’t need her to. Society doesn’t need me to. That’s her issue. Her anxiety of the strange. Her weakness. Her fear.

All set to kill on me.

Either she’s behaving with so little thought to consequences she’s a fuckwit, or she’s so evil and vile she doesn’t care about them.

And I was going to delve into the personality of an abuser. But the same person trying to reach for hope in the previous essay (me) terrifies her.

And she’s rather kill me than admit she does indeed find me scary.

Because why?

Practicality and Hope?

Really?

I’m not sure I no longer want to be Alexander Hamilton (the play version) thank you not-so-much.

Maybe I should learn to fire back.

Except I’d rather die than become like you.

If you wanted down this hallway to talk to me, it hasn’t been my choice you couldn’t.

All abusive people argue being controlling is protecting but it doesn’t matter if they believe that or not.

It’s shitty behavior I did not request nor want.

Okay. Off the bat. This is not personal. Most of my topics that even have the word abuse – if sparked by an individual, have no names and no descriptors.

If the word abuse turns you into a froth you need to take a very long look at your navel, actually.

Yes my Malapropisms are deliberate you….

Anyway.

Then get some therapy.

If your answer is to someone who’s been an American for 25 years (more than half her life) to “go back to her country” where do you think you’re sending me, The Bay Area?

I mean sure there are parts of America that would like to toughen up states rights. But we have a weird issue with that.

While indeed stronger blue states would be pretty awesome, wealth is concentrated in Blue states so the rest of the federal government relies on taxes from those wealthy film executives. And tech gurus.

So stop your bitching about the federal government right the fuck now because that’s not your money they’re staying afloat with.

And while California sometimes wants out, the rest of the country can’t afford it. Yes, they need your water, but you need there money. So it’s not practical for anyone.

I was asked if concentrated wealth was a good thing – like financial security and morality have anything to do with each other.

It’s just human nature. It’s not necessarily good or bad.

Sharing is good.

Abusing is bad.

And you tend not to get hoarding by those who aren’t also abusive arseholes. So I’m not willing to separate it till I see a third option for real.

Some people are indeed choosy about their philanthropic donations – just like senators who only vote positively if it’s a pet project.

This country is annoyingly capitalist. It causes problems. Burning it down is not the solution. We need to Identify what’s causing it to spiral out of control and address that.

Just keep morality away from money because rich people manipulate standardized morality to stay abusive arses.

We divorce money from morality- just as we have from a diet being good – maybe we can even the playing field.

Too much without any regard for other humans is not good, okay?

But that doesn’t usually happen unless that individual is abusive!

So let’s focus there.

Most maladaptive behaviors are a result of normalized abuse – either continuing it, protecting oneself from it, or both.

American society has a huge issue of Abuse and it’s cultural not a part of human nature.

Territoriality is, hoarding is, hierarchy is.

These are not good things.

Nature isn’t always the best excuse for trying to ignore the idea of nurture.

A lot of times I go with explaining that some things are human nature and to work with the way we are, not against.

But some stuff is pure crap that evolution is kindly trying to do away with, anyway. Human sensitivity is on the rise and that’s good!

No wonder people have become “helicopter” parents. Their sensitive caring children are such a delight, and the world was so painful and nasty to Gen X growing up, we just want to protect those whom we can.

All sensitive caring people are a delight. Have you noticed how happy you are to meet one? How pissed you are when manipulative so-and-so’s try to put a lambs cloth over a voracious appetite to control?

Actually kind, sweet people are a true relief!

And some of us are so shat on nasty rumors follow us from jealous, abusive arses, we feel strangled by them.

Stop warning me away and silence your tongues. If everyone would let it drop it would fade. Because it’s far from true and it’s the cleanest most obvious sign someone wanted death, not close to death. But actual suicide. Do you really want to be a part of that?

That’s because I am probably the only particularly nice, kind, sweet person raised to also breathe fire at abusive twats.

I would like to be on “Angel” Mode all the time thank you. But the Fae side is actually a relaxed Dragon and it’s mighty big if pressed.

As relevant to this morning. Heart of an Angel, mind of a fae/dragon, words of a human. Why can’t I be 3.5 archetypes?

But I’m all dragon when protecting others.

And abusive twats just have to dig claws in and keep me from being able to help this country grow and change and return to idealism but without the blinders.

Maybe evolve into something new and beautiful. Like a country filled with practicality and hope. A new perspective because we are changing as a species and need new language.

It goes beyond democratic socialism.

It’s the seeking of balance and FairPlay. It’s the desire to strengthen protections for the vulnerable, and protect the sensitivity of those who have it. It’s cultural not political.

Maybe it’s not just idealism or futuristic thinking. Maybe it’s real compassion – not a version of self betterment – but a societal view that we take care of each other.

We need a new word really, and while writers are usually the ones to create and use them I can’t think of anything evocative enough.

The passion of kindness as a culture would be called?

Rousseau-ism?

I like it. Thank you. It’s a jolly good start. The French prosecuted Sarkozy for financial crime. An ex president. Maybe they’re not all bad?

It was suggested to me, and quite a good one! Keep building sensitive souls. Abusive arses don’t want you in power but I do.

(Number two of the ones coming out today. Hold your breath for an interesting journey)

Companies that are “too big to fail” indeed are. Because they employ millions according the globe and if they fold the world crashes into a very nasty economic depression.

As for the wealthy?

They’re not the issue.

Abuse is.

I imagine Bill Gates was tormented as a youth and feels surrounding himself with money protected him better. Particularly as he continued to be attacked even after he had moved on to more decent practices.

FFS let people grow and change.

People don’t understand digital numbers, my father pointed that out. And the larger the number the more it doesn’t seem real.

It’s not till they surround themselves with comforts that wealth becomes obvious.

Some feel the abuse they receive makes them entitled to a lot of comforts. And why should they share with abusive arseholes?

That’s how some feel.

Other people.

I’m not wealthy and I would share.

But people like me us suffer because of the abuse we are surrounded by – no matter where we go.

We should stop talking about guillotines for the wealthy and focus on abusive arseholes across the economic strata.

Wealthy individuals who are also abusive are indeed an issue.

As are the abusive individuals they manipulate.

And the abuse is normalized.

To repeat we need to address the wealthy who are also abusive and are manipulating other abusive people to gain and maintain power and control.

They are choking our economy.

And the issue is abuse.

Stop being an asshole to [fill in a philanthropist] and maybe they’ll feel more generous.

It’s a more practical approach. Stop distracting from the issue.

To again repeat but with different wording. Abuse in American society is normalized to the point any attempt to point it out gets one dogpiled by the poor while the wealthy just manipulate them.

If you’re pulling out the guillotine? Wealth isn’t the issue (says a woman with next to nothing) abuse is the problem.

Wealth is a way for them to have power and control. And they continue abuse to keep it.

For some of these individuals abuse is just the means and if it didn’t fly they would use other tactics.

But they get away with it and are worshipped by wealthy and poor alike.

Because it’s normalized.

And I’m getting complained to in advance because you think I’m defending wealth not pointing out abuse like theirs is the true problem.

You don’t like it? Fix yourself first. But fix the abusive wealthy too. Seek the aide of the others.

I like the idea of universal income with the ability to gain more if you work for it. But we will always have a problem with concentrated wealth.

It’s not good but it’s human nature.

Stop the abusive ones, and fight for universal income.

Now, to remind you, my reinstated goal is to promote understanding of all people and push abusive people back from their victims.

Of course abusive people want me destroyed and unable to communicate or even facilitate others communicating.

I might actually succeed otherwise.

Now count the number of times I wrote the word “abuse”. Now imagine being so surrounded it’s all you can spit out.

If it’s a little overwhelming to read it’s very overwhelming to experience.

Don’t listen to their lies and misinformation, their dodging and reality abuse. Listen to the true message.

Please get along.

(Three are coming out today. Hold your breath for an interesting journey)

It was pointed out that abusive people are sometimes powerful. Or at least sometimes have power over your temper.

Yes they can be. Yes they can.

They gain it by cracking the backs of the people they step on to attain and maintain their power.

I pointed out that those of us with cracked backs or PTSD from attempts tend to unify eventually so they’ll probably cause a war.

Being illiterate might do it too.

I suggested that as a potential unifying force, I was targeted. I wanted to bring people together but I’m proletariat – I had to be isolated and controlled.

The same individual agreed. That was why I was a continuous target.

I have decided to balance being the nicest person with occasional party repost if my comment is productive.

There’s the word I need to remember. Is this statement productive?

It doesn’t matter if anyone believes I already was the sweetest thing you didn’t want to piss off. That’s my goal. To get it back. So in time they will believe I’ve returned to my true nature.

Why is pissing me off an issue?

No one wants the truth bomb that follows when anger loosens my tongue.

Which means abusive arses will never stop because I will never stop trying to bring patience and understanding to the forefront.

Regret times I lost my wording but not the meaning of my words.

Which runs counter to their power.

So does my book that is a signpost to compassion the structure of true healing and growth

I know what to do.

It’s walking the walk I’m working on. But the whole idea is inconvenient for the power of abusive arses.

So it depends if they want a martyr or not.

I guess we’ll see if my will to be a squeaky wheel that brings others together is enough motivation for me to survive your attempts to silence me at all costs.

Those that say I’m the only one they are abusive to?

Thanks for making it crystal clear you’d rather I be a scapegoat than free to write as I will.

Even work not yet published.

Yeah, phew, what was that about?

So on the more (slightly) normal front.

I have discovered vaguely honey flavored unsweetened rice pudding and am in food heaven right now.

A teaspoon of honey isn’t much but certainly adds flavor. I can’t wait to see how it is with cardamom and saffron! (Just a pinch)

(You can forget that vegan’s don’t eat honey bollacks. I do. I’m not joining a club, I’m listening to my body)

My rice cooker is just about big enough to cook a cup of dry rice into two cups cooked with a little room.

One cup taken out for dinner, the rest made into a liquid soup with unsweetened coconut milk.

And that teaspoon of honey.

Gone from cold but cooked rice to hot cooked pudding with a single button!

It looked close to ready when the system was done. I wasn’t sure it wouldn’t need another round.

But:

I poured in a little more coconut milk and…

Magic!

Perfect rice pudding. Just stirred it to the right consistency while hot and left it to cool.

Much needed snack and a delicious breakfast. But I’m thinking of skipping trying it sweetened. Or at least only on a little to test!

For those who want the list:

1 cup cooked jasmine rice (cold)

? Unsweetened coconut milk – just make it into a soup

1 tsp Runny Honey – I used that New Zealand stuff.

In a small one button rice cooker.

Then

? Unsweetened coconut milk, just stir it in hot till it looks like pudding.

Makes about 2 cups rice pudding.

You will probably need to experiment if you want to make bigger batches!

I see the problem here.

While I thought corralling me into one room, watching and mocking my every move. Manipulating drama into existence with every threat. Was to drive me to suicide. The truth is worse.

“The minute you do laundry I’ll steal everything.”

So I can lie here in period filth?

But::

“I’m going to make sure they take away your commode.”

Which trap is it you fluxing queen of creating drama?

I tell you I have to wake up suicidal and summon the will to survive and you giggle-giggle twist the knife.

So funny, with the lies you spread, everyone wants to hurt me.

You block every potential visitor – while I’m not awake enough to stop you. But oh yes do I hear.

“Just helping”

Bugger off. That’s the lie all possible abusers spread.

You’d help me.

If I’d only “obey”

Step in line.

Do what you want.

“Dance marionette dance”

And when I’m ready to die you get others to dogpile me into going to the hospital.

So you can break me? Or kill me? Because the first isn’t happening and the second is more tempting than a different kind of second further in this life.

Sometimes though my fury escapes.

You said, “go ahead and kill yourself then”

And I said “you die first”

I continued.

“You’ll have to die first before I die, but I won’t be the one to do it”

You said “thank you for threatening me.”

With what? Living?

As clever as you are to control and manipulate those around you.

You’re apparently not smart enough to realize you do indeed lie, control, abuse, and manipulate your plans into reality.

But you can’t have me.

Thank goodness! A decent picture of my very expressive face! At least something is right. I mean you did say you were going to lie and say it’s not real. But at least I look good in my photos for once.

So the point?

I mean the AI is a loaded weapon.

That’s separate from why it’s pointed at me.

Apart from testing the technology to hack and steal and abuse – all on me. Is the website.

The suggestion box of evil.

And payment plans for harassment and jail keeping.

It’s a lot of technology involved in watching the woman who survived the weapon.

When will she finally kill herself? When will she destroy her room? Can we turn her? Will she ever get violent. How can we manipulate the situation next? Can we try to get her to injure a rapist? Accidents are entertainment too!

Dance marionette dance!

Even next door calls a blog post a threat.

So quite apart from apologizing to innocent and semi-innocent are the

“You watch it” crowd.

Because they’re watching me. Using hacked AI. Hacking my things. Turning into terrorists.

Just to see what the actual Sylvanna does next.

I’ll give you a fucking show all right.

Here we go. Laundry. Feeding my cat. Waxing my body. Fixing my nails. Trying to study. Developing theories.

Wee.

I realize I’ve been unfair to my neighbors.

Even though I tried clearly to state not everyone was involved.

Those who did snipe were lied to so heavily, who knows what they heard and how reasonable it seemed.

I was lied to about them too.

Keeping me from the safety of support from some and burying me in a toxic environment.

Some people blew off my snapping as PTSD. Some knew I was harassed but believed the lies.

Okay. I understand the cumulative effect and lies told are the real issue. And otherwise good people object to my analysis.

Hopefully they understand they added to a painful situation, as I understand they probably had a good reason- based on the jail keepers lies. Not in an academic way of “do you get it now”. But to offer patience and understanding, f they too can see we were hurting each other.

I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t really understand the depths of the lies told about you, and to you.

I hope in time truth will out.

Meanwhile I hope we can escape our mutual abuser to be on friendlier terms.

Again. I’m sorry.

So, The AI involved aside.

What happens to the victim?

Why they are chosen isn’t really relevant. I was probably convenient. And to my Jailman I am still.

I am in a prison created by cognitive abuse, gaslighting, threats, and thievery.

The threats of violence are not really an issue for me. They’re supposed to make me afraid to leave my room but being in a mood never results in an actual person on the other side of the door

Should I decide it’s worth getting up.

It creates a hostile environment for everyone. And Mis Madam threatens and is nasty to anyone who wants to knock on my door.

She says she’s protecting me

But all abusers say that.

Possessive and controlling, and potentially paid for the privilege of power over my freedom.

Even though this is America and she is no judge.

She has stolen some items, returned others, sold some, abused my cat with an attempt at an injection that she failed at but was nearly fatal.

She’s lied and exaggerated her abuse and what she will do and what she will still.

To keep me here, visible, watchable and trapped.

I might escape the clutches of the system if I’m too afraid to even do my laundry.

The potential perv even threatened to take my period panties and I believe her.

Meanwhile she’s the source of the lies in the building. She threatened to lie more and tell everyone I was something truly atrocious. Something vile. Something disgusting. One word for a filthy type of abuser. A lie so stupid and dangerous I can never teach again.

Oh yes. It’s been said before. All of you. There’s no word for how filthy you are.

And as I am just going to let her dig her own grave with my belongings next time I go out, she has threatened to spread it.

Yet again.

Was she responsible for it in the first place?

Let’s mark of the careers stolen, no teaching – because once the lie is made no one can escape it’s shadow.

Writing stolen but I hopefully used by the Intelligence services to stop this kind of absurd abuse.

Learning ASL is mocked so I’m supposed to shy away. My mathematical ability dug into – despite being the Mathematician, Keith Devlin’s daughter. Promises of heightened cognitive abuse follow any discussion or attempt to focus on mathematics.

And Mis Madam goes into the bathroom to complain, threaten, say what lie she is spreading next, and what she promises to steal.

She might even stand outside my door and try to sound physically intimidating.

But she’s a pipsqueek.

Mis Madam has made up lies and gaslighting – the attempts for a whore. And I am suspicious of anything she said occurred in my room.

Just another way to scare me.

She did not find a dead body in the dumpster, she did not save the building manage from an axe. Gunfire is an issue here and that’s the only real issue we face.

This place is dodgy. Not a CSI Las Vegas set.

My sister believes the lies and worries. They’re an attempt to drive her away. Isolate me. Keep me in one spot unable to think or care for myself and on the edge of suicide.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Goals.

Maybe she wants me to rely on her. So she can keep her power and control. So she has the right hooks in to demand I do what she wants.

It’s never happening. Shots first and her fingers are on the torture button right now.

Goodbye Miss Madam.

She wants me out by the end of the day – before I even publish. I don’t think she cares I have no where to go. She’s just flexing.

But I can “go ahead and do laundry” she’ll be waiting for me all day.

To what? Thieve knickers?

She has my car, I sold it to her. Maybe I’ll be lucky and she’s caught doing something more foolish than threatening me.

It did work. But like all con artists she doesn’t know how to stop when the con fails.

Doesn’t understand why.

And just keeps working that nerve.

“I think you need more mental healthcare” is next.

Evolutionsbremse

Without going into practicals, there’s an issue with modem security.

Most are aware of visible cameras. So, so many of them. Ignoring anything that shouldn’t be there. The ones we can find are everywhere.

I personally wouldn’t mind as much if they weren’t highly insecure and apparently hackable – particularly if run by AI.

As a part two of describing the consequences of an AI virus.

To watch all cameras all the time about everything is too much. And while I want to pursue the mathematics to sort the data, someone already thinks their AI is enough.

It’s actually creating more work because the interpretation isn’t there.

“Melissa is upset and threw something across the room”

Oh dear the content is I’m ranting.

Shivers

I throw laundry into the basket when I’m busy cleaning up and clean up when upset.

Do you want to fix your context?

“Melissa is upset and cleaning while she complains, and threw a shirt into the laundry basket. It’s on the far side of the room from her, but the room is small”

Fixed it for you.