Sylvanna Devlin

I’m fucking tired of trying to be on guard while you lie about whether you can hear me or not – or you know full well how but won’t do anything about it.

I can’t stop you from being invasive fucking assholes who listen in and snipe on the way past. Sometimes deliberately misinterpreting what you heard for the fucking drama.

Bottom line? You’re going to fight my every success for the lols. Every time I slightly recover from the edge of suicide? You swarm in like fucking piranhas.

Nothing ever stops this bullshit drama fest.

Because

You’re enjoying yourselves

You fucking cunts.

So I’m less speeding to an escape and more limping along till I can get to a hotel as a safe place to be while hoping to go somewhere secure.

My “captures” caught wind of where and have already begun a defamation campaign with falsified “evidence” and generally shitting on what was my good name.

It might be again.

My reputation that is.

If I can just get out of here.

Who knows, maybe the news will have a slow day (ha!) and pick up everything I’m doing to wiggle free.

Meanwhile I’m trying to decide if I should warn my potential property manager anymore than I have

I did send a photo.

I did say my escape was being resisted.

So my guess is no. She’ll get the general gist and at least give me a chance to come in person and make a decent impression then.

A bath,

Clean hair,

Clean clothes,

Maybe even fixed nails,

Would certainly make me presentable.

So all this after I’ve landed somewhere with a safe enough bathroom.

The fuck away from here.

Actually it’s not massively far. But I hope far from their reach.

Meanwhile I’m a tad insulted they would think I’ll just come back for anything other than my belongings.

But they don’t have a plan other than shitting on my reputation and cognitive abuse.

Like that’s a fucking good idea.

Death is still preferable so my cat is sometimes all that keeps me going.

And there have been mutterings of shooting her.

Seriously?

I mean what do they want to achieve? I’ve already reported everything they do so it’s not like secrets die with my corpse.

But….

An yes.

The Napoleon Bonaparte issue.

My ex was like that, trying to tug on my heartstrings till the final moment. Long after I found slight pleasure in thwarting his pissiness

There’s no fun to be had here. And I would be crying my eyes out about how even the prospect of level I meningioma doesn’t stop them.

But I’m exhausted.

And Manic.

Oh so fucking, don’t move a muscle crazy.

I felt it shiver into the side of my skull and like a light switch my bipolar was on full out war with my fibromyalgia.

Now since I spent the better part of a week packing and sorting? My bodily limitations swore at my mania with a “no can do love, I’m knackered”

So I’m sitting here, listening to their latest cognitive abuse, wondering how long it’s going on for this time.

And back to wondering if I shouldn’t worry that the bitch brigade is so foul they might target people in my new place.

I really think I should discuss that in person, however.

And round and round I go, waiting till I chill enough to do the dishes.

Ah how exciting mania is in your late 40’s.

P.S.

Apparently their current attempt is to say they heard me use a certain word they can’t even get in my sleep.

I do not use racial slurs

And I do not appropriate the usage of subcultures I don’t belong to.

Subculture used loosely here as there are other slurs in other cultures that are fine for them.

For example, as I have been particularly interested in genderqueer individuals as well as cis gendered men?

I am considered part of the queer community.

That’s ours.

Fuck off.

An angry pit of nerves

That’s how we describe the feeling of a stone in your stomach. The not quite ready to puke but nauseated sign of fear.

It’s accompanied by a strange sensation akin in to the flu but not quite as debilitating. Too hot, too cold, too wobbly in the knees and maybe a little dizzy.

This is what it is to actually be scared?

My arachnophobia I recovered from years ago. But I reserve the right to scream like a little girl if I see a scorpion.

Snakes? Nah. They’re cute.

Height? Beyond that weird impulse to just jump off some of us get? Nope. Not really.

Failure?

Ahhhh define failure. I seem to have failed forward a lot in life but I long ago read that was not a bad way to eventually succeed.

Rejection? Abandonment?

Shush. It’s not that I don’t have those, but I’ve dealt with it on such a fundamental level it doesn’t really cause the Wobblies

Financial strain?

Ah. Who doesn’t?

Health?

That really depends on what my doctors say about a benign growth in my brain. If I should worry.

It would be inconvenient to survive suicide only to go out from brain cancer. And I have writing I’d really like to accomplish if I am on my way out.

So death?

Well it’s not that bad really.

Death of a loved one?

It’s gut wrenching and awful, sending me in spirals of disbelief and anguish. But that’s not what’s making me tremble a little.

And without going into particulars. This sensation is so new. So unrecognizable. I didn’t realize how scared I truly was.

I fear very little in life.

But what I’m up against now is the worst it gets.

But can’t face capturing another selfie of my face!

More tomorrow.

I warned several times a day multiple days when I first worried over this.

Artificially drawn models aren’t that hard anymore. Changing the pose is no big deal.

Fake animation would be next.

I became obsessed with what pattern I specifically could recognize to somehow prevent a false world from taking control.

With the hacking we have, slipping in an anchors report is nothing. Fake interviews with presidents. The technology was going beyond the “bait and switch” – get the answers they want and changing the question presented.

We were going to risk mental assault if we couldn’t reduce time spent on in person surveillance. No one could listen to what I went through in entirety- it would destroy them. Cognitive abuse that is very sneaky.

I had put it to the background, focusing my thoughts on data exhaustion.

But the criminal element wants our security services to be over-worked, abused cognitively, and have to face the nastiest of reality abuse becoming uncertain if they’re even seeing the truth.

Hacking has become sophisticated and dangerous- and my background thoughts as to what I personally could do have led me to being annihilated.

Now AI generated images are even fooling the police.

I don’t know how long I have to live.

But if you want to know what they can do?

They did it all to me.

I’m really not sure of writing this down. I’m not certain I want to communicate to the outside world ever again.

We went over how their nastiness, bullying, and abuse was killing me. And while at that point I no longer cared why. It does begin to get annoying.

You’re pretty sure my neighbors are nice to everyone else, but turned on me after the talk any fake evidence (which they haven’t seen thus might not exist).

The lies, the the theft, the hacking and harassment.

They do fit one theory.

It’s ludicrous but the only one I’ve got

First the background

One: I have some buried memories, some suppressed but not quite as bad. And a bunch waiting in the queue to be processed. Anything immediate gets dumped into the waiting tank and won’t hang on long.

With enough cognitive abuse “that long” is 3 seconds.

Two: a technique of gaslighting, abusing, and harassing someone to open up was tested on me by those developing their preferred use of the trollbot. Sometime in the first half of 2025x

I must have either been considered a safe target, because “it’s nothing serious” or…

Some assholes thought I was a terrorist.

Idk why. I fucking don’t. But it’s the only “logical” conclusion.”

Those suppressed memories must be a sign I’m a sleeper cell!

Now. Writers are often confused by “extra” attention. A relatively famous friend has it on his Facebook page:

“I’m a writer not a terrorist”

It’s usually online crap one needs to understand draws attention. Particularly searches.

My bookmarks include some interesting things that involve chemistry- which while not my strong suit is that of a character’s- if it was technically possible.

There are others, but that one used to be my favorite. Now? I think the vigilante will just get her knickers in a twist.

So they tortured me to “gain information”

(I think the intelligence services have that covered, thanks)

And the more I reveal of what I know and what I’ve figured out the more convinced she is that she’s some kind of Apex of intelligence and no one is smarter.

No human can figure that out! Not without an AI

Which is insulting

Yeahhh. She can’t imagine anyone cleverer than her.

So all of Academia just gets to roll their eyes now.

And she’s persuasive enough to have a coterie. And backing. Which we’ll leave alone.

What are the police supposed to do? Those things gaslighted in and out of perception do exist.

And probably would rather not involve herself.

And her motive is so stupid it would insult anyone normal by now.

But she’s probably doubling down on why it’s reasonable to think someone smarter is scarier.

As a side note on conditioning.

Does by that, she means fitness, health, reflexes or patience.

Or some such bullshit that explains certain bitchy behavior but makes it no less insulting.

Authors note:

This one is slightly depressing. Interesting.

But in a WTF is wrong with you, train wreck way.

Skip on to the fourth one for something cheerier

While gaslighting occasionally convinces me there’s a psychopath who doesn’t know boundaries and will wreck havoc on my in order to annihilate me.

I think really?

“Nothing personal, mate. We’re just white terrorists and terrorist employees. Some racially bigoted, but they’re more “useful” than in charge.”

I mean if you want an easy to froth up group of assholes those prejudiced shitty people are easy to manipulate.

“Man. Though, this country is unruly and out of control.

Everyone is squabbling.

“I don’t care who is right anymore the fake news demonizes both sides so an angry gut and shooting from the hip are all The public has to guide them.””

“This has to stop. We have to gain:

Control

I never did understand the idea the abuse in Petaluma was out of a need to control me.

I mean?

Who the fuck, and why the fuck? We’re not in a relationship so that motive? Meh. What’s more I listen to authorities. Actual authorities. I’m a little wild and free but I can be brought in to roost.

I don’t hurt anyone unless mere anxiety that I exist is somehow my fault.

But when I point out how few I’ve hurt – and those out of a relationship mess – gaslighters actually try to convince me to take the fall for some other bitch.

You don’t get someone who burned with compassion who isn’t Buddhist. Most didn’t strive to be kind and understanding on the level I did. Purposefully hoping to cheer up strangers as I pass. An ear to anyone even a stranger.

Let’s stop fucking around.

I radiated with kindness.

Even when my ex drove me into a mad froth I tried to still be kind

But appearances changed with the abuse of an identity thief who didn’t just want to open credit cards. She wanted to take over my life. Replace me. Use my slot in society.

But she’s not good at being me so tried to change me before my final day on earth. She was part of an alienation of everyone connected to one certain person. Because she shat on him trying to get information on my past. And he had influence.

My spiritual writing, my glow were too difficult for her. So every time I chose to go back to compassion despite whatever she had done to my reputation now. I lengthened the time she had before she could kill me.

She succeeded at isolating me, alienating me, keeping others at bay.

She had to make my sister so paranoid she ended up in the morgue. Because she knew me. Loved me. And like everyone in my family. Would continue to do so because our idea of love was warts and all.

But I digress. That I was well liked but “wild and crazy” was what was at issue in 2022 and probably all of 2023.

Scared people trying to control society through abuse picked on me because I was irrepressible. Surly if Melissa “fucking” Devlin could be “brought to order” they could take power over less impossible “enemies”

Oh, excuse me

“Subjects”

Women who use psychological warfare on someone will claim till the end of days.

“It was out of love.”

That fucked up totalitarian kind of “caring”

But they do not know the meaning of love if they think this an okay way to behave.

Men?

It differs. Most don’t use an excuse to try to have power. It’s assumed they would want it. Because men.

And until recently, they were the majority of victims of that kind of abuse.

So we’ll just walk away from that.

2024 saw the rise of the copy cat. But she was young and foolish and not really as dangerous as my “hunters”. Indeed she liked my wild and free reputation.

So I suspect she became a target of the control troll bot.

In 2025 the three year old situation became dangerous. I tried to kill myself and spent months sleeping off major surgery.

In 2026, almost on the anniversary of the start of this, it came to the following situation:

There are terrorists who use me, and others like me as a “demoralization focal point.”

There are bitches who knew and tried to keep me in filth too depressed to do anything. Nit picking, reactive abuse didn’t matter. As long as I was a vegetable they could shit on me and enjoy the privacy they wouldn’t give me.

Playing stupid. Was just a method of:

Control

Abuse and igniting my PTSD?

A way to make me “suicidal” because I had lived for years with a death-wish. They were betting on it. I’d survive a 72 “voices” telling me to kill myself right?

Yeah, no.

But isolating me, making me too paranoid to take the garbage out. Pinning me in place has odd backing.

Probably the same assholes.

Because when they fuck up and kill me, someone could entirely “become me”

The fewer who saw me, the easier it would be. The less distinct and more neutral I was bitched into would appear to be a destruction she flies out of and “Sylvanna Devlin is a phoenix, changed”

So if you fucking don’t mind?

As that individual is a terrorist

I will continue to try to lose weight, fix my teeth, get contacts, wax till I’m good at waxing. And try to learn to be careful of gel tips I do myself.

The glue does eventually fail. But a break is only a break.

The more on fire I am by myself the more likely my survival is. But it’s making controlling women hesitant.

If I start to do things others enjoy, they get shat on. So they take matters into their own hands

I’d like to learn Hindi but they find it so alien and she finds it so difficult, so they shit on anything Hindi related.

Shit on, steal, trash my side of anything I want to do. Keep me crushed. Make me feel miserable and trapped no matter how ludicrous a fight would be.

And the terrorist who is fine with that because they’re doing her a favor.

So gaslighting insults or true assholery?

The c*** crowd saw dollar signs. Abuse me into being a whore. That would surely make the terrorist uninterested…

Come on!

Similar techniques are used to the ones that aggravated my PTSD

Worse? It’s middle school tactics and I am barely holding on to life. Withdrawing from the world.

Which suits the terrorist just fine.

The anniversary day the declaration of independence was signed.

It’s easy now to miss just why that’s significant and in what way is this holiday more than backyard barbecues and sparklers.

Don’t get me wrong. This are awesome things.

I am vegan but I ate meat when my body wasn’t as big an asshole.

Ahh the classic American German hamburger

Ahhhh

Well America improved on the hot sandwiches

But my younger fellow countrymen might miss the big deal.

Some guys declared independence a very long time ago and now we shoot off fireworks? What gives. Why do we even celebrate a dusty old document. It’s not like it was the constitution.

Think about a parent, teacher, boss, soon to be exe, actual exes, some other authority making you wriggle.

Otherwise know in your head by some variety of “that asshole”

Imagine you get a hint of what it’s like to live without that fucking asshole. You moved out, moved on, quit, quit the county, etc.

You’re mostly out of their eye and reach and it feels pretty damn good. You’re free of that bastard.

But ooooooh no. They send someone to tsk and “help” you regain their favor. Just change who you are now, everything you do and they’ll “love you again”.

OMFG

What nerve right? Who the fuck does he think he is?

Why should you give a rats arse what he thinks or wants?

You’re just quietly enjoying self governance and that’s apparently “not English enough”

(Okay yeah, they were assholes)

What fucking gall!

Fuck that guy.

You are experiencing a freedom to make decisions for the first time. A band has popped off you feel like you can breathe

And that assumptive asshole announces that you can regain your standing with him.

Who fucking wants to?

Well. That guy is a king. You grow up obeying that king in a fealty based structure. The Magna Carta might have inspired the lower masses to seek representatives. Thus there’s a parliament. How special “England is”

The Magna Carta was the first set of rules developed by those involved in colonization. It’s an American document (its name is latin). The British parliament was based on an idea of the colonies, self governance.

So already America is leading the way for self rule and they kinda like it.

The French Native American war has just happened. England had to send people traipsing through the colonies to defend “England” as that “asshole views everywhere Britain has conquered as an extension of Britain.

We’ve been there in our personal lives haven’t we? Some guy, girl or in-between acts like he should get a say.

You’ve bugged out. WTF?

So Britain, busy fighting invasion and flattening the colonies who resent their freedom to self govern being suppressed

What’s more troops were just forcing individuals to house and feed them like each one of those regal redcoats was a demigod or something.

What’s more. The colonists spent their physical resources putting up with this shit and good old mad king George sends a bill to “pay for the war”

Excuse me?

Dick Soldier here ate my limited food every night. And guzzled my beer. And now you want me to pay the jerk I’ve been housing?

“You can start by paying your back taxes o. Tea.”

Oh gee thanks.

We know how well that turned out.

Fuck that fucking king.

But he was the king. Don’t you see? Only by being brave enough to sail into the unknown, have the wherewithal to build and settle an entirely new village. The cleverness to adapt to east coast humidity. Hunt those big weird land birds (turkeys) and once it was pointed out, till the soil and plant corn.

It didn’t really look edible at first. But maize corn was tasty once cooked. Those were your ancestors.

Your lineage was the descendent of the courageous and bold, and new settlers surviving that awful boat.

You have the endurance you need to build and self govern.

And some assholes who just sucked your towns dry of food and resources now want to hand you a bill. Oh and by the way. Rule are rules even if they chafe. Behave yourselves.

I would like you to envision some asshole soldier forced his way into your life. You don’t know him, don’t trust him, don’t like him.

But that little oinker now says he’s the boss of you?

Fuck off.

At night men secretly meet to sign a Declaration of Independence.

A what?

No one in the known world had ever just said “you’re not the boss of me” to royalty.

“Royalty is royalty and whatever you do better be with his approval”

But Americans were basically sending the message that they no longer see the king as their leader. His troops shat on your happiness and he’s beginning to hassle those who can’t cough up. What’s more those unreasonable taxes we’re getting levied against your land. Your home. Your sanctuary.

Okay one: it was a difficult life but you were so free to do things your way creatively and as a group you were the content kind of happy.

Two: land ownership was a big part of that pursuit of a personal sanctuary and you had your own patch to feel safe in.

Fuck that king George! He knows fuck all about the colonies, how they like to run things and have limited resources.

You were kind of enjoying having a say over who is in charge.

So the next time someone doesn’t see the big deal of this holiday, understand the Americans were rejecting a king – the head of church!

Or they Feels a bit wormy about the pursuit of happiness as it lost it’s meaning by the “me first” generation. It was never intended to be antisocial.

Any escape of the yoke of the nasty boss (or whatever) will give you a taste of the kind of “breath in fresh air)

And the best of the worst “it was over taxes” Nope that part was just the most insulting

That is the significance of the Declaration of Independence.

Hold on to this history. Cling on. Because America was indeed founded by exceptional people. And the news today makes us feel anything but. Naturalized citizen or one born here.

It’s easy to get bogged down and not feel as celebratory as everyone else. Or just view it as “another day”.

Try not to lose the original reason we celebrated. The ferocity and courage. The determination our lives should be more self determined. The creativity and resourcefulness of the forefathers.

And the importance of freedom

Which is treated as a watered down word – because we don’t pause to imagine the American dream.

Freedom.

It was such a revolutionary concept the French Revolution soon followed suit.

Freedom

Let go a little today and hug the ideas and concepts that changed the world for the better.

Happy July 4th, Independence Day.

Hang on, too furious to handle the mere idea someone would try to subject me to their authoritarian horse shit.

I will not follow your commands

I will not follow your rules

I will not let you condition me into ever listening to you.

I certainly won’t “Obey”

It’s an insult you try.

Just who do you think you are?

You lack culture and dignity so there’s no mafia involved. And the Yakuza are frankly more civilized too.

Yes, this is organized crime – all those pots are there – some put in place by Sonoma County socialites.

But your version is small, petty, and I might want to hesitate on calling it organized.

Someone was handed the keys to the kingdoms, all that power at her fingertips. But she became obsessed with breaking me.

The wild steed bullshit again.

It’s not going to happen and she’s pissing me off.

Which makes me difficult.

It’s just as well.

I “follow” along and it becomes automatic.

Being subjugated by torture and reality abuse because she want “obedience”

Is not going to work.

I will not let anyone else control my life, ever again. I will not succumb to nuero-linguistic abuse. I will still fight if melted down to nothing.

Death first.

And as much as you say the cliched “that can be arranged”

I call bull.

None of you want to be done in for murder. Though abuse on your level does deserve manslaughter charges.

But we’ll leave that aside for now.

You’re thieves and pimps, extortionist masters if you have the opportunity. You’re “guns” for hire and that bullet is a lethal trollbot. And you have hacking claws in everything.

You didn’t write that trollbot. It was tested and refined trying to break me. I caused an entire system crash once at the shelter and my discoveries lead to others crashing it twice more.

The trollbot had been too confused to continue about 50 times.

I “”won” 12 times before I stopped counting.

I can’t remember if I had other tactics.

As for the gaslighting game set in motion a couple of weeks ago, against the odds, (the name of that element)?

I kicked Joshua/Davids arse. You tottured me, harangued me, exhausted me, and got me back into it over again, mostly because you wouldn’t leave me alone. My Achilles heal of frustration.

I ran rings around him after taking a nap. And I wasn’t using a computer to do so.

It was one more example of the kind of methods meant to do more high level crime.

She blew the entire payload of capability’s of the psychological methodology and technical capabilities involved.

And I actually hadn’t been that interested before. Now I was mired in the slurry of multiple crimes.

It probably does have GUI issues like seemed to come up each time she was warned not to target me.

I don’t know if a more high class group is waiting for them to settle down, or are just experimenting on twits. But they’re being tanked by a…. Ill informed gaggle of girls convinced the same tricks will always work and are shocked, horrified, maybe even freaked out when I learn what they’re doing.

Personally. I guess I can hope I live through the night as the women probably all do “punch like a girl.” But I suspect men more readily armed are trying to decide if they would risk potential scrutiny if I was actually shot.

As my father is the top mathematician globally – retiring on a very high note.

He has indeed worked for the kind of people willing to at least see if my flag means anything this time.

And one day the history of mathematics will have to include my creative and free father.

I gave returning to mathematics some serious thought and decided I had spent about forty years getting good and had books to write.

Though I’d like to skip out on this saga. Focus more on my fiction.

Though I seem to digress.

But have I?

I’m distinct in looks, personality, perspectives, and philosophy.

And then there’s the hybrid British Bay Area CA accent.

I really think framing me is a bad idea.

I’m far too noticeable with a future one can wish me luck to and mean it.

Meanwhile you have some asshole peeing on my air conditioner. (well did).

You’re a small time petty gang that have been handed a the keys to the “how can we fuck with you vehicle and are driving it into the ground.

I’m still a bit insulted you would dare to order me.

Who the fuck do you think you are?