Sylvanna Devlin

So I’m not commenting on it.

But Tweeter is putting words out saying they’re from what she “overheard”.

Nope. Nothing to say really.

All this torture and torment is to drive you into a froth. Drive you insane so you kill each other, me, it doesn’t matter really as long as it’s divide and conquer worthy.

She’d like to keep me corralled by fear of you – suspecting I’ll survive if SE Portland falls to riots.

But that’s the purpose of the abuse. I don’t give give a rats ass about why. Just what she’s doing.

If you feel like taking care of a task and booting anyone out of the way it’s understandable but you all feel like that. She wants a riot not a militia.

Stay calm, breathe deeply, and write about this. All those anger coping skills you thought you’d recommend to me, take heed. I’ve been here. I understand the fury.

But I’m too sodding tired of arguments and would rather take a nap.

Reactive abuse will drive the unpracticed into oblivion or rage. If you can’t find ways to self soothe and for Fred’s sake stop needling each other and taking a mutual mood out. This will end in sobs

Please trust, having ascended to grandiosity when furious enough, letting it out doesn’t make you feel any better.

Just do something on your own to tire out your cortisol and take a nap.

My reputation was of a lovey-dovey type – perpetually writing, charismatic and overall good natured.

I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, I would emotionally eat if I didn’t keep curbing it, I would write too much if my PTSD hadn’t scuppered that coping mechanism too. Music is hacked into.

Exercise is a challenge right now.

I have Prayer and Meditation.

And she’s looking for ways to interrupt and gaslight away my relationship to God.

Commenting on and criticizing every element- just as she does with the rest of my life.

Just as the women here do – at least those using reactive abuse to curb and control me even though all I’d like to do is write. Thank you.

They were willing to accept “stigma” as a story rather than admit they were trying to take matters into their own hands.

It’s not that a terrorist wants me dead and they want to help so she stops. Tempting as that is to believe because the terrorist wants me corralled and controlled and if I die it’s as an anonymous body so she can entirely take over.

Nope. For some reason I have been mistaken for a woman with a lot of money who is bizarrely hiding out here while torturing everyone including myself and my very real response to the abuse is “an act”.

Okay ladies. As annoyed as I am by how foolish that sounds. Some people really are that good at lying.

Someone conned you into any belief – even viscous atrocities – rumors that have possibly prevented me from ever working again.

You have been that awful.

And felt justified doing so.

You promised to thieve “just to see if I kill myself

Do you understand how terrible that is?

You hurt my cat, so she must come everywhere with me.

You have your dogs crap outside my window.

You dump excrement into the garbage.

You lie, you cheat, you steal.

And you think I should know why.

It doesn’t matter I’m too hacked for google to work.

You really do think I should know why you are all being so evil and “hey sure, whatever, stigma” was almost humoring me.

I don’t know all the terrorist has done. But as she’s practiced on me, I have learned how the computer tricks work.

But I wouldn’t be much of one if I was using them and told you how.

This is not the movies.

And I may be larger than life – when up and about. But I am real and really am inclined to be a sweetheart even after all that has happened to me.

You’ve been conned by her. And don’t want to admit it. So are doubling down I must deserve it in some way.

But if you don’t let go of blaming me to learn (or wait to learn) who she really is. I’ll end up dead and she will get away with being a terrorist.

Reality is. You don’t want to admit to being duped. No one does.

It makes us feel stupid.

But it doesn’t mean you are.

It means she’s that talented and that skilled at lying.

Is why truth serum’s aren’t used.

My reply has to do with whatever I’m dreaming about.

Neither one is particularly accurate, as Truth serums did exist – they put people into a weird dream state and got weird answers.

That’s sleep for you.

As a by the way. I’ve managed to stop muttering for the most part but keep getting complaints I won’t stop talking.

I did think you were exaggerating.

Now I think you’re hearing a synthesized voice on an AI.

As a reminder, I won’t go to a hospital because my stalker would follow me with audio harassment of the whole building.

Word got back to me my stalker started up in my absence.

Let me remind you, my stalker is a terrorist.

An actual, problematic terrorist who wants to use my previously squeaky clean reputation to hide behind and an AI based on my writing to hide her.

For me it’s personal. My reputation should still be squeaky clean. I am even trying to cut back on swearing.

But a terrorist wants my identity.

As Melissa J Devlin AKA Sylvanna

She needs me dead for it to work.

A terrorist.

She’s going to do awful things.

She’s a terrorist.

My face is drooping

The terrorists have claimed “behavior modification” is behind the torture and attempts to make the mind pliable are behind the constant low music you can feel if not hear.

Our brains are not happy. Our moods unsettled without knowing why. And sometimes the “music” is just undulating white noise so it gets a pass as background chatter of a city.

Then there’s the pressure we all feel – sub audio. We can not pick it up with our ears but it fills our skulls and makes us impatient with any regular noise.

But the worst you need to be conditioned and broken into.

They need to have bombarded you with voices and suggestions so long you can’t separate your thoughts. You think what you’re going to – but they pick the subject.

It’s not the same as subliminal messaging- which the jury is out on. It’s directed thoughts.

They’ve gotten clever, switching to syllable soup occasionally- you’re certain what they’re saying is just your brain’s interpretation of messy sound.

But they do this and claim your thoughts and work actually belong to them.

The one used on me has an AI programmed with my language in writing. It’s very clever.

They appear to dictate my words. And then claim they own them. Even if it’s merely matched.

They argue you no longer have an original thought in your head. Because you become accustomed to voices making suggestions of what to think.

Look, aside from abstract thought, even image based thinking can be manipulated. It’s not mind control. It’s manipulation.

The creator wants to control your behavior like a chess piece.

But I keep having reactions they don’t expect. So they pursue and wriggle around reality producing sub-audios voices I’m supposed to believe are mine. Or are so chatty I don’t have space to think.

That’s the real goal. To direct your thinking and make you believe it’s actually a talkative subconscious.

Be careful of the voices in your head. They may be real.

I heard someone try to explain the truth of my situation last night.

It started while I was sleeping by reports but I woke up to it at 11:00pm.

He was still explaining by 6:00am today.

I’ve said it all but someone asked me to sum up.

As I have thought (and said) for quite a while:

An identity thief stole my name, interviewed then alienated my friends, appropriated my history- changing some elements as apparently the thief is too awful to live up to what I was really like. Wrote fictionalization “based on a true story” (mine – that she lied and said was hers) and stole my work.

She then trained an AI with my work and perfected a weapon of mass gaslighting and psychological torture on me.

She’s monitored me so closely people can log into a hacking website and see a nerve get enflamed as it heals.

I was then lied about so viscously I can never work again and it has affected my ability to get credit and pass what should be a squeaky clean background check.

She hacked everything including google so a search for what people know of me is pointless. And the lies have spread far.

There was also the thieving, torture, abuse of me and my cat, and gaslighting attempts on my life.

Amd while I would have writing to turn to I can’t while she’s still thieving every word – and I gave the US intelligence service permission to use my eternal digital signature to stop crime as what she did, and the terrorists, sex traffickers and cults she whipped up, were so awful I would give my everything to stop it ever happening to someone else.

And now some entitled little twerps think that’s an invitation to steal my meagre belongings and use a website to spy on me.

By the way.

I haven’t moved out.

I didn’t know what that’s all about as that’s all I heard.

But I’m still here.

And trapped

Apparently now she’s using said AI to try to be as evocative as I am.

Only one of us is the true victim.

Me

The one who would like to die but haven’t because my cat would miss me. And my family, splintered by her, is only just gluing back together.

I am the daughter of world famous mathematician Keith Devlin.

And she can’t fool everyone forever.

But I’m still trapped. Only surviving for a handful of others and out of spite that she clearly wants me dead

You come up with a swear word for her. I don’t have one strong enough.

P.S. I don’t use AI. I’m smarter and more capable than a super computer, frankly. And I do look like I do in my photos\

P.P.S.

I was aware the vile goal was either I committed suicide or entered a vegetative depression.

I have.

Aren’t they all so special.

But no. They either don’t recognize it or were lying and do indeed want suicide alone as the level of depression I fought so hard to avoid is back in my life. My miserable life.

I am now in the worst depression I’ve had since catatonic depression in my twenties.

There’s a difference between vegetative and catatonic and I’m beginning to suspect they don’t know it.

Because they won and still won’t stop. So such winners as they are I hope history looks down on them forever.

The short answer is both is indeed better. But hard to find. Meanwhile it’s important to try to get along with those in your environment.

But if you try to be nice or at least ignore them when they get ugly and they’re still unpleasant – go with independence and wait it out till you can choose a more comfortable community.

Now for the long version.

When I was very young (so quite a while ago) there was a children’s story called the “ugly duckling.” About a swans egg that ends up mixed in with ducks. And when they hatched the other ducks were cruel.

As swan chicks are apparently nowhere near as cute as baby ducks, that little bird – who didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to be one – was very hurt!

But matured into a beautiful swan.

I was teased and tormented a lot when young. It made me miserable. But I stuck to my inner fire (with my mother’s support) and later found a group of friends that made me feel like an elegant swan! (Even if I can be a tad silly)

I left high school early, but so loved that group of weirdos – from the chemistry genius to remedial math student – that I would visit during lunch.

It’s not that I can’t find another strange group. (Though they would have to be pretty strange these days). But because I was raised to endure teasing and the like during middle school, I spent all my play time writing, and I became my own tower.

Who seems irresistible to those who want to tear me down! I collapsed and rebuilt a few times. So eventually got pretty decent at putting myself back together. Which is just as well.

Boy, have the latest attacks on me been cruel! Yet truth always outs and I’m honest and kind, strictly law abiding and pretty adherent to rules! It’s how I grew up. And that’s a good thing too!

It’s very important to follow all rules until you are confident you know the ones that don’t make sense. Then argue to change them!

It’s even more important to stick to the law and listen to police officers, paramedics, firefighters, doctors, nurses, and in general those in charge of keeping you well and safe.

You’ll see fights and squabbles on TV with adults. And there are some good reasons for those. But when you’re young you need to listen to actual authority figures till you’re at least a teen and no one can stop you from talking back! And then it’s normal to fight for adulthood but you’re still a kid to the rest of us. – which is annoying to everyone. But that’s okay and normal too.

Do not let strangers tell you what to do unless in a real position of authority or introduced to you by one of your parents. Absolutely not. Be polite. Stay off neighbor’s lawns. But never follow instructions that make you feel uncomfortable.

Don’t get in strangers cars.

And don’t pay attention to insults from anyone you don’t like well enough to find their opinion noteworthy!

Though some of us get to the point of liking everyone and everything. But they don’t always like us back so it’s best for us to avoid them! And failing physical escape? Avoid caring about what they think of us back!

It’s tough to do and usually a sign things have been difficult

Now it is possible to stand too firmly against the world. Not because people try to break you apart- though that does happen. And not because you have to worry about earthquakes in an analogy!

But because while it’s possible to be very loving and interested in the welfare of others. Your lack of interest in anyone’s opinion (in my case anyone at all unless I’m needed) can be very isolating.

That’s okay for some. It really is. My favorite memories of London were on my own, other cities too even Glasgow. Running with my dad was nice once a week but the other five days I enjoyed solitude.

My favorite all time memory is disappearing into very misty woods. I knew that trail well but couldn’t see more than a few feet before me. It was wonderful!

However I’m strange about preferring solitude. I do sometimes wonder if it wouldn’t be nice to be with one other person but away from everyone else most of the time.

And theoretically I could socialize. I might not forever be in my shell. But holidays alone are pleasant not painful.

Would a special someone make them more so? One hopes! But I’ll be okay and more okay then!

This is not normal.

And not a goal I advise.

Community is important and we are supposed to be social creatures. It’s okay to want friends. That’s normal. And it’s okay to consider their opinion important.

But if you feel they’re trying to carve you down to force you to fit in – or worse you find yourself minimizing yourself, your interests, your talents? It will end in tears. Don’t get into any relationship with someone (friendship or otherwise) who makes you feel lesser.

As an addendum. While I have you here.

It’s okay to make mistakes- that’s how you learn. And it’s okay to admit them. It doesn’t make you stupid it makes you capable of learning!

We all feel stupid sometimes. But that keeps us in stupid situations, if we won’t at least admit when a friendship or partnership isn’t working. (At least to ourselves)

Try to avoid people who deliberately make you feel stupid too. That’s pretty darn nasty! Don’t call other people stupid unless you really do want to give them a bop on the nose but are too polite! (As you should be). No one likes it. Using that word is mean and spiteful and sometimes very inaccurate.

Make up your own mind about other people too!

P.S. don’t forget teeth are part of your body. Look after them or they become injured! (Sometimes painfully so)

But I have a new kind in the works.

Here’s Tabitha

When you hit depression it’s like sinking into a muddy pit you can’t see out of.

Everything slows down. Your body becomes heavier. Your appetite changes depending on if your body itself can be bothered. As our moods are felt everywhere.

Depression is biochemical but can be environmentally triggered. And there’s a tendency to complain that if the latter is at fault nothing can be done. I’ve made it myself.

I’m being bullied and harassed. What good can a med change do to resolve that?

Turns out that’s not the question to ask.

What can a med change do to help me cope with that.

Handling anxiety was one thing. But it took a chemical boost to my neurological-biochemical soup before I could see surviving it.

Which is not what my abusers want. But I’d rather get this message out.

No matter your stage; catatonic, functional, “what happened to my life?” Or hidden, you can benefit from medical assistance.

But it can be slow. So darn slow if you’re at the bottom rung. Then once you’re getting things done and emerging from the cave one of three things happens.

You don’t recognize yourself when happy. You don’t feel like you. And sink back.

You look at everything you have to do to get your life back together and sometimes it’s too much to cope with – the danger zone.

Or things are fine. Theoretically.

I’m bipolar but fear mania so much depression is preferable so I’ve climbed out of the pit a lot.

I’ve never emerged to a peachy world view.

But just not being depressed is enough of an achievement.

Motivation when at the bottom is challenging. Particularly to tidy your environment or keep your teeth clean.

Take your toothbrush and put it beside your bed. Brush your teeth from bed at the same time each day. If you can add floss or mouthwash great.

You can safely swallow small amounts of toothpaste but yuck. So I have a spit jar. Which is gross but less disgusting than rotting teeth!

Then there’s the environment.

One thing.

Just one small thing.

Like- open the mail.

That’s today’s task and you can sink in bed the rest of the day.

Tomorrow you’re going to throw away the envelopes.

Because things pile up during depression but in 30 days, 30 things will be quite a lot to pull yourself up.

And it’s annoying that environment and self care help when they’re the last thing we care about. But cleaning your teeth and tidying up are low hanging fruit and should be reached for.

Now I try to do 5 things a day.

And I moisturize (still from bed) because I enjoy that. And I made that and brushing my teeth and hair my morning and evening routine.

My mum has a trick that works for her. But I haven’t tried it.

Just do whatever task you need to for five minutes. Set an egg timer. You might even find out that’s all that’s necessary for unloading the dishwasher. Or you might find that after five minutes you can keep going.

But don’t stress if you don’t!

I am also a big fan of lists. Crossing things off a refreshable LED screen is so satisfying I have multiple so I can organize my lists!

Urgent or severely important, important, self care, and what I’m doing today. (I have two others but they don’t usually track life tasks)

I highly recommend an LED screen to-do list!

But most of all. Be mindful of your mood and seek psychiatric help if you start to show signs of depression. A broken feeling in the mind is more severe than a broken leg. It doesn’t make you lesser to get medication. It makes you brave.

Be brave. Even if you don’t feel you can be.

Take meds. Fix your biochemistry. Cope with your environment. Worry about changing it after.