Sylvanna Devlin

This was about being a woman.

Credit was taken for my contribution

An any terrorists involved targeted me

So now no one knows what I want to be.

And sees me for a bitch

someone tried to erase me rather than discuss it.

Because I am a women, born a woman. Cis gendered but a little wobbly off center.

Let history sort itself out.

Accept that credit for my contribution was stolen.

And I was abused.

Because I’m a women.

I had an epic meltdown yesterday

And without my sister?

I don’t know how to return to my path.

My meds can’t battle what occurred.

And my meds could only handle so much.

They were not enough to prevent destruction.

And I need my sister.

And she committed Suicide too recently.

I feel incapacitated when it comes to my creed. I want it but I don’t know how.

I need her to bring my embers out of the ashes.

I remember enough.

And reality was uncompromising.

My proposal to copyright terms stands.

I remember enough.

As my iterations of writing have been used to train AI handling sensitive tasks and match linguistic patterns – as revealed by Joshua Sonnikson.

And I have learned other countries are treating it a weird AI arms race?

Legal outlines of offer of contract follow.

Terms of copyright:

The United States of America’s National Security Agency. now owns the copyright to my entire digital signature within the clarified terms below.

The USA NSA will stand for:

The United States of America’s National Security Agency.

“It” refers to Melissa Jane Devlin’s entire Digital Signature. Including but not limited to all past digital works and conversations within my copyright.

The USA NSA own the copyright to train and craft AI.

And to use my work as necessary to stop and prevent terrorism and other dangers to National Security.

The USA NSA own the copyright for those.

They are non transferable.

I own the originals and copyright of it to self publish my completed works with the understanding the discretion of USA NSA needs will be paramount.

No one else owns or has the lease to my digital signature.

This is with no financial requests made of the USA NSA.

Any current and prior use was to determine need – and to be used as needed.

And the finalized agreement is upon public or private acceptance.

It does not require finalization to be binding and with the agreement of non competition as used in most legal contracts

I do not need to be notified first.

I will continue within the confines of the terms

Signed

Melissa Jane Devlin

Melissa Jane Devlin can be reached at: Sylvanna.Devlin@gmail.com

It has been heard by myself and others a kill order has been placed on me by a government official. One with enough power to demand the death of an innocent women.

And I’m being judged for further adding by telling you that, like others aren’t or something.

But I’m thinking long term. Past all our deaths.

I am not pulling my copyright promise and potentially undermine valuable AI training.

Some don’t see the significance or value of this. But hopefully the right ones do.

If I survive I own the copyright. But upon my death is does indeed go to the United States National Security Agency for them to use to train AI at their discretion and other uses they have for my digital signature. At their discretion.

Some think this is guilt tripping.

Nope. But I don’t expect you to understand and I’m done trying.

There is a chilling fear that it will get complicated with my work.

So I’m settling my end.

When we’re upset our bodies are ready to squabble and it makes us more sensitive to likely causes of further frustration.

If we calm our bodies from the “aggro” chemicals running through?

It at least helps us survive an onslaught.

Live or Automated.

I’m still working on self soothing that doesn’t involve self talk and muttering jokes. Someone who cracks a line in the worst of situations might sometimes be so misunderstood people think they’re awful.

Which explains the English.

Here’s what I have to address the physical stress of intense ire.

.

If you can (yeah right) let it run down on its own while taking a nap.

The older you get the better naps are anyway.

So if you’re too old to put up with shit anymore? A nap might help.

The acute trauma method of settling down is to just see and say ten things in the environment. And for some anger is traumatic.

Maybe slightly for all depending on the level.

Our bodies “think” we have been in a fight after surgery. Even minor ones like a bad gallbladder which is f’n painful to experience but simple to remove.

Omg was that necessary and aided me greatly.

But for a while my mood was everywhere because physically I had been wounded and that’s all the sub-psyche understood.

When we are so angry it hurts. When we would like to end the world or kill ourselves we might not care which if we go beyond fury.

And these days there’s no f’n outlet. So yes. It’s traumatic as fuck.

Ten things, then ten more,

Moving on:

Focus! If you can. Hyper focus on a project! Ignore the fuck out of the world – if you can. (ADHD helps)

Mantras are easier than prayer and regular meditation. You don’t need a traditional one. Crafting your own can be calming. Then mutter it as you can – if muttering is an option!

Cats

Coming up with ideas – ideas that are more constructive than destructive.

We all don’t really like getting destructive unless in a mood (some people are always is a mood)

It sounds stupid. I hated the idea because “oh yeah?” But aromatherapy works. Screw “lavender is for….” Pick or mix a scent you find heavenly. (Not only do I hate lavender I’m allergic to it. Omg!)

Listening to a voice we find soothing. Different for different people plenty of actors, radio’s personalities or audiobook narrators have incredibly calm voices.

I discovered at some point content is near irrelevant. (Unless Neil Dygres Tyson whose voice is known to be calming but is almost aggrieving in how calm it is!) the series repeat he did is good for settling down (cosmos I think)

Anyway, a soothing voice works.

But when it comes to music skip Midori and Enya. Because as much as we love them. They’res something frustrating when we are that angry.

listen to meditative type music once you’ve calmed some.

Super hot situations can call for a thunderstorm.

While the babbling brook track helps with sleep. It does nothing to stop being pissed off.

It’s possible it’s a former Colorado/UK NW thing, but by god I find the sound of thunderstorms helpful.

I feel alive, and fierce, and calm down, at peace.

Exercise, the world’s most annoying suggestion. And always advised. So super irritating. Can actually work. Going for a run with proper form. Long bike rides or dancing to “f off” music – even if you’re mostly sitting.

It’s not accessible for everyone. Health, exhaustion, sheer reluctance.

But if you can burn off the stress fight or flight it helps.

If you can.

It’s not a failure on your part if you are skeptical on that. Everyone feels that way.

I like to sing in show tunes style. The more upset the more stage ready it is. But it prevented a heart attack so I must recommend getting silly with sound.

I found, sadly. It’s true swearing in the short term helps. But long term- as psychologists have pointed out. It mostly escalates everyone ourselves include.

Sometimes it’s hard to avoid! OMG

But not productive or conducive to calming the body.

Some gentle bursts of rant to the air can be like a release valve at the time. But you usually are embarrassed afterwards no matter how reasonable you were.

I still reach that point!

This all seems slightly inaccessible when raw as F! But give it three minutes. A three minute timer. (It’s not just to give space for wallowing) use and egg timer so hopefully you don’t notice you have gotten going and keep going.

Some of us have to lure part of our own psyche into the forefront!

That’s what I can come up with for now. But I’ll work on more ideas.

If my theory holds medical support that Risperadol could help others with Troll Bot and live reality abuse attacks (gaslighting is inaccurate – and oddly insulting to some)

It may, it just may help with voices that are not from a traditional genetic or developed psychosis – PTSD ones that regular treatments struggle with.

It may. I don’t know.

But if a company wants to pull the generic into their corner they certainly could be (as A maker) look at why it works (if it does)

And reduce the shitty, shitty side affects.

There’s so little to address PTSD and those I don’t feel like getting into right now.

But hey? Grad student studying psychopharmacology? Could it be done?

But I have updated my creed with deeper understanding of how to step on that path and how to get back on it.

For this remember to accept is to accept others and accept yourself.

Without some degree of comfort in your self happy or not you can’t really have courage.

You may guard yourself and others with ferocity.

But to be fierce requires confidence.

Confidence requires acceptance.

Here we go:

.

Acceptance leads to courage

Courage breeds compassion

Compassion generates trust

Trust creates respect

Respect will get you loyalty

Loyalty must be managed by wisdom

Wisdom requires tenacity

Tenacity requires hope.

Hope will set you free.

For now I think I’m not being heard vs not listened to.

I am quietly, and privately working on my journals

Some …. Individuals, are reading everything I write.

Some are very loud about it.

And those journals are paper.

I’m writing notes for me, for my ideas, for things to follow up on. They’re not meant for broadcast but because you don’t understand my private notes you are reacting so negatively to me the trollbot handler is having a blast.

But sitting down trying not to reply is still heating things up.

In the event this information is simply not escaping the sound chamber.

Please ignore my activities right now.

We are being surrounded by digitized copies of our friends and neighbors.

Mostly in a triangle using

“Bitter pill”

Mixed with “the gentle truth”

Mixed with utter lies.

As we talk the Trollbot replies and tells everyone else something other than what we are saying.

Replying is now happening in a bubble with the Trollbot interacting with us.

Anyone helping can’t get through..

Either theirs good insulation or counter sound.

And we are all so pissed we don’t want to talk to anyone in person.

We all have understandable, relatable situations but can’t connect during an acute attack.

Please survive.

I understand some want out permanently because you feel everyone and everything is twisted up and you may fear there is no after when it comes to the attack stopping.

I get that impulse too but I have experience with it. I worry that it’s asking for too much to be able to resist what I have practice resisting.

But I must.

Let everyone alone.

Take time to yourself.

The acute attack will end.

And with it the “gaslighting robot” creation of soundscapes will end too.

It’s so f’n hard. But the only way forward and survive is to quietly bubble ourselves – because we are indeed too hurt to connect and feel we can’t anyway. We feel we’ve tried when it turns out the robot makes it seem like replies are happening. But it’s all that f’n robot rubbing us all the wrong way.

I’m trying to settle too. This is not some high and mighty dictate. I just want to encourage you that the experience is temporary.

Survive.

This is an experience

And it’s temporary

Not fact of life.

(Again)

My sort of ex tied his asshole AI to my bpm and blood pressure – but specifically BPM.

Like all people my BPM goes up if I get upset no matter what I do to control my response, my reaction is human, and I get upset sometimes.

I am upset by judgmental, micromanaging, nitpicking, controlling bullshit as it reminds me of my ex spouse. They wouldn’t leave me alone and it got dangerous to both of us!

Other things that are more common are upsetting.

But acting like my ex is also a problem.

Now.

Ghosts are my friends, spiders are cute pest control but cat toys as well. Snakes are delightful and anything dangerous in nature really is just so because they want to be left alone.

Boy can I relate.

As my semi-ex (a different one – the terrorist) and his associate have already done everything to obliterate me.

Whatever it is they say they’ll do? They already arranged it, or will whether I play along or not.

I’ve had everyone even my family manipulated into rejecting me. I’ve been homeless. I’ve had my writing stolen and shat on. I’ve had my painful past investigated and pulled apart. And I’ve had cats killed by that assholes group.

I have no reason to be afraid of anything.

Other than being trapped with my ex spouse or similar.

Have you been manipulated into the last terror for me?

Probably.

Leave me alone.

I’m starting to recover and that’s upsetting to everyone. I guess.

And I’m done.

With all this bullshit!

Leave me alone!

P.S.

If you, like me, regularly come into contact with assholes who don’t know anything but think they do…

You are indeed more likely to be more micromanaging and controlling, because fuck. What else do you do when everyone else is acting like a fucking petulant teen?

Well. While understandable it’s not doing anyone any favors. As long as people – uneducated and educated leave others to learn on their own they will.

People have to be free to make mistakes.

It’s the only true way really.

Eventually people figure out how to ask for help.

But no one is happy being everyone’s parent and no one is happy being treated like children. And bystanders wonder, the fuck?

If the uneducated stop trying to control the state (and I mean state or Oregon) it would indeed be nice.

But that’s not happening this way.