Sylvanna Devlin

Omfg. So.

Things have been nicely quiet for everyone- no taunting me into rage. Everyone left me alone and I succeeded at only muttering a little but caught myself. (It’s annoying for my neighbor, she’s not used to it and when I do get that way it’s distracting.

I recently began to feel peaceful with her as I found out she’s gone during the day and the angry individual I’ve been upset with is just using her place!

Thankfully the police picked up my report of it. But you see what I mean. No room is safe in absence of the renter!

So valuables have to be stashed.

Because dad owns land, that he pays like half his retirement paying taxes on (you really should downsize ) people have noticed my parents are 79 & 80 and quite grossly think of me as “an heiress” – don’t forget you promised to live to be at least a 100 Dad being fit to head up mountains is a good sign.

But they seem to think being able to help me should be more and that I – a separate individual – shouldn’t qualify for housing assistance. Never mind you wouldn’t be able to afford housing me and helping me. The mere fact you have the resources to help, upset some of the people here.

Like it’s their business.

And they have said they’re going to try to get Home Forward to cancel my voucher!

I just got to the point my place it pretty settled (time to move right? That’s how Devlin luck works?) and I have been here a year and a half. I qualified for disability for ages but was actually considered disabled by SSI a year ago.

For some reason, even though I don’t go out. Everyone is butt-hurt about a pendant I bought to celebrate staying alive a year.

I have had a boost from waiting while in the shelter and with what you could send or had fit into my car!

But for some reason they all have to nitpick every purchase like it’s their business. They don’t like my aroma therapy lamp as they perceive a $20 lamp as a “wealth thing” and ignore that it works – and I can’t take benzo antianxieties or pain narcotics because my joints will kill me.

The best? I’m quietly typing this private text out and “see Sylvanna does listen”

Like OMG maybe I’ll pay less attention when they not way up in there with ignorant or ill informed commenting on – my private fucking texts.

And existence really.

So I made it a post.

Idnkwtf Of all the shitty places I’ve lived? Vulcan apartments on fruitvale was better! (That was the Oakland stint in my teens) most people seem nice enough or disinterested. But the vocal few are very vocal.

But it gets better apparently what was a private text had reached a point someone actually said “that’s enough out of you”.

Like… normally that’s reserved for being rude to someone – mostly in person

Who the fuck do they think they are anyway?

The weird thing is. I’m desperate to move. I need two weeks freedom just to get those cogs in action. But I may have to come back here before I can move.

But that’s idk not good enough?

And they’re seriously trying to get home forward to cancel aide. I’m on disability so they can’t. But FFS they’ll go after supplemental disability next because my fibromyalgia- requiring a care giver now, particularly compounded by the PTSD they aggravate on purpose – is somehow not disabled enough for their liking. Like it’s any of their fucking business!

The best? I mentioned I was particular about squashing mania because it’s dangerous and stupid bitches don’t under that’s dangerous TO ME!

Fuckwits

I explained to whomever it was that sometimes I experience severe rage (because of the baiting) and really want to break an object. But then it would be broken and I’d have to clean it up.

But my strength, quick reflexes in an emergency and a side kick that can crack wood are oh so scary. (The first two being iffy depending on fibromyalgia or ADHD but you can bet they get in line if I NEED to fight.

I don’t consider hen fights or pissing matches a need

I consider someone saying they’ll “rape me into supplication” and I warned back one kick from me and they’re never getting an erection again? Pretty fair as a warning. A lot of women used to feel secure around me because I could pack a punch and still be gentle- just protective.

That’s the Bay Area for you. Portland seems to depend. I mean walking my friends dog in Oakland? Where I first learned what gunshots in the distance sounded like? I was left alone.

The gang crowding round me in a double decker, had me just turn and causally chat without an ounce of fear?

Yeah I went back to being alone up there.

But noooo despite the fact no one fucks with crazy except crazier, (in a fucking fight) Some people want a battle and I don’t want to risk life threatening injuries or breaking bones.

Go figure.

So they want to whip me into rage, to see what I’ll do – fuck all. Be comfortable with the idea they could hit me without severe consequences. Tell them about my meds – like it’s their business or they would even understand. And try to get me to do bullshit things just to see if I will (No unless I’m curious) or listen to the oh so charming “that’s an order”

Like a polite request is too fucking hard for them or something.

The best is someone suggested I roll my tongue on the roof of my mouth. I was curious what they meant (I give better head than that advice). I could. No surprise there.

But noooooooo

Some stupid, fucking stupid bitch thought she had “conditioned me” and pushed. I stopped having my nap to swear at her, but somehow either because they think I have been conditioned or are trying to condition me – oh scary.

Like I’m some CIA deep memory agent in their Jason Bourne concept of all that crap.

The fuck is wrong with them?

Does a layman’s ability to punch and kick, with decent speed and hitting power, and PTSD somehow make them think broken bones are inevitable if they drive me crazy.

Or are they hoping to capture or have me Raped and that’s fucking not happening.

If someone pushes me to breaking and so think I’m dying of a heart attack? I bellow out in song so fucking loud they could probably hear it down the block.

I sing occasional comments or retorts because that actually saved my life by lowering my BP so the odd burst is good for me.

That’s what I do when I get furious and out of control – very loud singing.

Shivers

Ignoring that anyone can be abused into losing control, my fuse is only short if someone else has been burning it up. They had to get really nasty to push me over the edge and it took about 16 hours!

But boy I got loud for like 3 more!

Then theres there’s the weird crap.

I don’t talk about that particular heart attack though I wrote to guardian about it. But despite it was my third time heading high. (One my psychiatrist caught, another I called EMTs but had calmed. And that one wherein I was kind of hoping I would die and said “fuck” when I woke up

But someone “doesn’t believe it” like her ignorant opinion is the end all be all of reality. I use “disbelief” as a tactic for coping with gaslighting. Her’s? Like who even cares? They don’t like me? Fucking ignore me.

They even doubted my sister’s death (which we were told was suicide) like they are experts on coping.

And like I could cry uncontrollably without being bitched at.

WTF is wrong with them? If they don’t stir the pot they think I’m dead or in the hospital!

Though reactive abuse is getting less Effective. Because I am annoyed but think there’s just something broken about them.

Still, I can’t live with these bitches but apparently they don’t want me to be able to move.

?????????

As a side note. I’ve was asked not to publicly go into my sexual antics as it could cause problems. I was half asleep but the deputy was (like all those in Sonoma County) very kind.

I miss that part of Sonoma county. I miss a lot of it. But going back to Petaluma isn’t a good idea. I miss Redwood City too. And that price point is a bit out of range.

Then there’s the whole disabled thing.

I can maybe review my work one day a week. But to nitpicker and onlookers that’s proof I can work right?

Yeah the government doesn’t think so.

The fact I last (if lucky) one day only is fairly significant.

I hope it improves. But my PTSD is fierce and the baiting worse. I have to move to get better.

Again.

I hope somewhere else in Multnomah county is preferable and I can get there soon!

And if it helps- I don’t care where people smoke so even if officially frowned upon I don’t care. I’m only a tattletale if I think ifs a life or death situation- mental welfare counting.

Though a very kind police officer did explain I shouldn’t be worried about fireworks, not only are they legal. California’s problem with them isn’t remotely similar to setting one off. The only time it was small and because my ass had just come from California!

I will ignore what I can unless I think it involves lives. It’s not my business and I don’t want involved. But freedom, consent, decency in a very important way, and potential lives are different.

If someone asks me to Dial 911 with no explanation? That’s interesting.

If it’s an actual fucking emergency I will.

But if it’s a bunch of childish bitches who hate that I’m alive (???) they get ignored.

If I can’t tell? I hesitate and realize I can’t let it go if someone asks and I do nothing.

So…

Smoke em if you got em?

Not my thing but this is long and I couldn’t think of an ending. If it is your thing? And this is key.

It’s none of my fucking business!

I’ve shared every tall tale here, and facts of the situation to the authorities. The latest supposed to subvert my standing with the FBI

Oh yes, I’m getting serious.

But I didn’t report what I need to hang on to.

This is the bubbling start up of Organized crime. A bunch of assholes I didn’t notice had played into my comment they resembled leverage. This is Hollywood, baby.

The thing is, all these gaslighting scenarios are being tracked by all of us now. Slips of truth emanating through.

I’m not the only person to see a glimmer of truth in the gaslighting truth.

Organized crime does indeed have fingers in all those pots

Even Hollywood retelling. If they have the money and backing they can indeed be involved in:

Thievery and gaslighting

Drugs and scandals

Sex traffickers

Betting pools

Creative thievery and damage

Reputation slashing

Games against the odds

Torture- and manslaughter

Snuff films and unwilling peep shows

Rape – particularly “into submission”

Rounding up others.

And Hollywood hooks.

They are all real, and they’ve shown that side as soon as I considered it.

But I think my problem is while they showed every aspect- shared here. I have them swirling around me as threats. But I’m not actually as mired as I thought.

Now of course it’s scary, and my life has been frightening with them surrounding me. They can’t leave the idea of conditioning me, raping me, drugging me, blackmailing me, into their hooks.

And if I post this? I’ll be killed. They’re torturing me right now.

I don’t know, really what they want from me.

But my guess is – six feet under!

With some asshole as a producer.

Who thinks my life right now isn’t “difficult enough” because it makes for bad TV

Oh really?

And the reason people hate me is some bullshit show “based on true events” that aren’t based in reality. Conflict for the sake of conflict is so fucking Hollywood. And not great plot writing anyway.

Come clean or go to the cleaners

And while we are at it I did run rings around that asshole while tortured, exhausted, and after months of 24/7 harassment.

But oh no.

No one likes me.

I am warning you not to fit reality into your lies. That would be enough insult for me to get very noisy about what I think of what you’re responsible for. And double the bill for emotional damages.

In a scary “TV way”. There is an entire team here in the rose.

A stoned hacker and sticky fingers – who also doubles at the aggressive con.

Someone used to being intimidating enough but doesn’t have the aura of someone who has ever been in a fight. But is stubborn, not very clever, and even more aggressive.

Someone I would have preferred to leave out is the sweet-talker – successfully so. Which is all I’ll say there.

And some weirdo screaming leader in the building somewhere who…. IDK is just evil enough to be convenient.

Bit too classic isn’t it? And why am I not dead if they are physically dangerous. Psychological abuse and brain torture being enough usually. But I’ve been in a pissy mood the past week.

Bipolar for you

Which they tried (again) to make worse.

This team is so fucking bad at what they do, they are either too obsessed to follow orders and quit – and thus have exposed everything.

Or they’ve been set up to fail and we’re all a big shiny distracting from something worse.

Hence the police being stretched thin.

Or…

Are they trainees with a pissed off client?

Crime being a big business.

So big it’s accounted for by economists when predicting the financial health of the country. What’s worrying is what some of those numbers may reflect.

And the bitch brigade is bad for business

What I suspect is the trafficking they hoped to wrap round my neck (like I’d ever do bullshit like that – but was a much hunted potential victim) involved minors and I’m revolted.

Used to be better and faster than google.

Apparently thh shit-bot replying and talking me dishes up fake news.

Don’t ask that stupid AI anything

And wait for it, because Elon Musk is getting sued

Leave me alone for now please.

I really am only talking to my cat.

I wrote about a dark web in my science fiction I was focusing on. I was inspired by an article from wired about a network of hidden sites full of things associated with the black market. Which these days means less than savory services and bulletin boards with a popular target.

I was asked not to bring up the 2009 (around) article. I don’t remember by who but I was going to be annihilated if I do.

Well I’m trapped by every arsehole doing everything they can to utterly destroy me, my reputation, and my family.

My sister has already been killed because of an exchange there. So fuck you. You already are doing it. I have nothing left to lose you haven’t already promised to take.

Oh I believe you.

Yes indeedy I do.

Ps

The issue I’m having now is my current digital stalker is an “employee”. Not clever enough to gain access any other way than being given it.

And it’s a thorn in her side.

And she has directly commented on jealousy of me.

TSK TSK

Little personal don’t you think?

She’s exposed every attack of the dark web – a spindly shadowy spaghetti monster in the visual side. And while there may be more she’s plotting my cats death so I just have to do my best to keep her alive till I get violent and commit suicide.

It’s not a threat.

It’s fucking biological.

I know law enforcement is curious about the heads of the hydra. But the employee and and employer are killing me.

As me.

I’ve made no statements other than this blog

And I am Melissa Devlin

Part three of an accidental sum up.

Dream manipulation

Oh yes. That is a problem too.

You start to drift off. One of the “characters” is talking and your subconscious can hear. Audio at the subliminal level by not be consciously noticeable. But it is indeed noticeable.

Sometimes there’s a narrator.

And the uninitiated can cause a nightmare so severe it kills.

The narrative being dangerous if practiced by the cruel.

And Nigel (the security system) has hooks in everywhere and one GUI hacks into the one system – as stated. And some are practicing to use it to kill people in their sleep.

Leaving a swollen pituitary gland as the only sign the person was literally scared to death.

As for me.

Nightmares dished up by my subconscious have been meh, practice for surviving bullshit intended to give me a heart attack. But boy have the bastards made such dreams worse.

The result has been an angry Wild Sylvanna. The heart still pounding. But from fury.

My brain started to get wily and have dreams in dreams to do the kind of sorting it needs REM for.

And today It bumped along somewhat ignoring the forced narrative.

Then came the ever present pushing. Even after being warned away – by appearances anyway.

More manipulation.

My brain is fed up enough to have started detaching and growing curious of talking.

I don’t have a personal monologue unless agitated enough to get chatty. So it’s noticeable when my dreams have talking that doesn’t fucking end.

I also don’t think in language at the bottom layer. While convenient for interacting with the world. I have visuals just below and pure abstract muddled in at the deepest root.

Language is, in comparison, slow.

I started hearing what was said to me – well perceiving. And replying out loud. Sometimes waking myself a little. Sometimes confusing anyone only concerned with audible audio. But usually a little disoriented at any rate.

Soft quiet taking might take an open mind or a broken into brain. But as strong as I’ve needed to be. I am not unscathed. I am vulnerable to dream manipulation and attempts to make me have such poor sleep I lose my will to live.

And on the topic of strength

It become clear most people can’t endure ten minutes of what I had to day in, day out for months at a time building in nastiness and wound tearing since July 28. 2022. That fucking troll bot was crafted by fucking with me. And as it grew in complexity it became ever harder to survive.

So yes. For the past six months it’s been particularly gutting. I’ve wanted to die every day. And you fucking complained I was always on the verge of ending things permanently. But somehow your meagre ten minutes had to be worse because you couldn’t have survived more.

Fuck you from the bottom of my heart.

The death I contemplated was thwarted by promises I refused to break – a concept you’ve described as weakness. Honor you are incapable of understanding. And an honest heartfelt desire to prevent mass suicide from the trollbot.

And when I got fed up and wished all those tormenting me to survive just an hour I assumed you’d fucking survive an infinitesimally small fraction of what you put me through 24/7 every month for half a year.

So now you’re whining I’m a monster and and Wahhhh it had to be worse for you?

Please let me be absolutely clear

You literally couldn’t survive 10 minutes of my life.

Take your fucking toys and fuck off.

I have. I know it’s tempting. But I did it to remind me of things I learnt in school or college and was often soundly disappointed.

The AI systems we have are based on mathematical models. So if there’s a shit tonne of misinformation or there’s not enough information it borks.

Mathematics is a wonderful way of describing the world but struggles with messy and also, one unraveled can be fooled.

Think of it as a manipulative bitch (counter intelligence AI) that can work those formulas like a street hustler. Every angle attacked with a deluge of misinformation.

The mathematics was a good Idea. But now it’s being used to dumb down America. (Grumbling about like we need it – but I have a personal grudge) an uneducated society implodes. I don’t know what cyber terrorists are up to. But (again) they’re not daft and divide and conquer looks like it’s about to get easy.

I want to (for now) ignore that Americans not only don’t understand what a nice person is they grow suspicious if you’re kind.

I don’t feel like explaining how awful this culture has become.

There is a security system

Nigel

It is hooked into everything

This one system

Hack this one system and the world is your oyster if you’re an abusive asshole.

Which there are enough of in America

There is a gaslighting trollbot

People have been using in conjunction with the security system

Nigel

To hide all their bullshit.

Shut the fucking security system down.

Because it’s not secure enough

Particularly for a security system.

Troll bot attacks and cyber warfare becomes a lot less of a problem without the integrated hooks into everything program ruining America

Security is not a valid reason

You are giving crooks more access to committing crimes

And thus causing more work not less.

FFS

You can’t let this country rip itself apart with hand wringing that the problem is “the AI” if I have to point out that the problem is the abuse you’re too stupid to be using that AI anyway.

Lives are being lost you assholes.

The AI will never be worth it. Because the gaslighting trollbot is on its heels.

All it takes is for it to succeed as hacking the system enough to generate false reports.

Cyber-terrorists aren’t daft.

FFS

Someone gaslights the individual into being fuzzy on reality

They hack all news sources so finding out the truth is impossible

Then use the gaslighting thieving trollbot to wreck havoc.

An elegant, (meaning simple and straightforward) system of crime that is probably now on rinse and repeat.

Also grok can fuck off making AI versions of people.

Omg the ways that’s probably already being abused.